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Member Since Oct 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 138
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#1
Confession: I’m feeling down. I’ve been on steroids for 8 weeks and it’s done a number on me. I’m up 30 pounds and was supposed to be taking 6 mg of risperdal because I had a return of manic symptoms, but recently reduced to 2 mg fur to weight gain. So I’m not being compliant and I realize this. I did message my doctor with this info today.
Here’s the deal. I don’t want to take medication anymore. I’m afraid of burning out my kidneys with lithium. Risperdal works like magic for me, but comes with weight gain and sexual side effects that are not compatible with being married. My prospects of working professionally again are low. I have no friends. I speak to no one all day. I don’t see the hope of a reasonable recovery in my life anymore. This is as good as it gets and it is miserable and lonely. Why poison myself with drugs? The only answer I have is I don’t want to kill myself or be manic and out of control. I just want a break from the meds. Am I alone? __________________ I’m |
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*Beth*, downersgoup, Soupe du jour, Unexpressedfeelings, ~Christina
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downersgoup
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
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#2
Is it the risperdal causing the weight gain or the steroids?
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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Member
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 138
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#3
I don’t know. Probably both. I was off risperdal for 6 months and I had a terrible depressive and then manic episode. We started at 6 mg and the weight started before the steroids.
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#4
There are other options. What about Clozaril--it is the best thing for "treatment-resistant" stuff. Seems to work for many.
Getting off Klonopin will take months. Did it once. I would prefer not to be on them, but I would die. Pretty sure. Hugs. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Soupe du jour
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*Beth*
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#5
take it- I feel bad.
don't take it- I feel bad. for me it's more I'm sick of life, rather than meds |
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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bpcyclist
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#6
I understand. Side effects are a mess with many of these drugs. I took Risperdal for a while and had to come off for several reasons.
Have you tried Geodon? It is fairly weight friendly when you pair it with exercise and a decent diet. |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Elder
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
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#7
I definitely had issues with taking meds, in the past. In the beginning, a lot. When I had oodles of side effects, definitely. When my pill piles were particularly big, absolutely.
I have learned to accept that I must take medications to maintain stability. Instability, for me, is far worse than swallowing down a pile of pills twice per day. Luckily, I have found a cocktail that gives me very few and easily tolerable side effects. That helps. I am about to embark on a trip. This makes the situation with medications frustrating. They want people to take their original pill bottles vs. weekly pill boxes. Ugh! Many of my pill bottles are large for 90-day supplies or multiple or large pills. The fewest I can get away with taking for myself (not counting my husband's) are 8 bottles. My Seroquel XR alone equals 3 big bottles (400 mg pills, 200 mg pills, 50 mg pills = 650 mg daily). Even if my psychiatrist allowed me to reduce by 50 mg, I would still need to bring the 50 mg pills to use as PRNs. He didn't reduce because it's more likely I'll need more than less, since I tend to get hypomanic or manic during big trips. Usually I use 50 mg regular Seroquel as PRNs, but I will not bring a 9th bottle! The XR is fine as a substitute. My husband plans to bring pill boxes and not the bottles. If they confiscated his medications, he would manage. If mine were, that would likely equal psychiatric hospital in France or Czech Republic. No exaggeration. I took photos of his bottles, as well as my own (as a backup). Last edited by Soupe du jour; Aug 27, 2020 at 08:27 AM.. |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#8
Of course. I would love to have just one day without any meds in my system so I know what it feels like. Yet the reality is that without medication my life would be severely compromised. I'm pretty sure I would have spent time in jail for rage consequences, a lot of time IP, and maybe dead.
I guess what I'm really sick of is having a mental illness. __________________ |
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BipolaRNurse, bpcyclist
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BipolaRNurse, bpcyclist
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Member
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 138
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#9
I guess I’ve just got mental illness fatigue. With meds, things are better, but my life is meaningless. I have no career, no friends, and nothing that brings me joy. Part of me just says “what’s the point?” I don’t want to hurt myself though. I just want to go back to work and meet people. At this point I feel hopeless and without motivation.
My dr’s nurse told me to go back up on the risperdal but I’m contemplating lying and not doing it. I just need a few months off. I want to enjoy sex just one time and the side effects make that impossible. My dr thinks I’m nuts for bringing that up. __________________ I’m |
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bpcyclist, Unexpressedfeelings
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bpcyclist, Unexpressedfeelings
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: In my head, mostly
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#10
Quote:
Why does she think that? The risk of sexual dysfunction was one of the biggest reasons I said hell no to fluoxetine when my Pdoc brought that up. It's a perfectly valid reason to say no to a med IMHO. |
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bpcyclist
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BipolaRNurse, bpcyclist, Moose72
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#11
You are not nuts. It is nuts not to take that seriously. It matters in a lot of marriages. You also have children. I'm bummed it wasn't handled with the proper care.
What time of day do you take Risperdal? If it is only once, try asking if you can take it at night and take it after you have time with your husband or have that time together in the morning when you wake up. Spacing it out from when you take your meds can help. When I got sick I had to quit working for a while. That was really hard for me. It wasn't about the money. It was about being able flexing my mind every day. I started writing after a while. That helped. I got into my fitness routine. Maybe there's something you can do that will help. Volunteering. Writing. A hobby. Personal shopping. Dog walking. Just keep an open mind and heart and maybe something will pop up. Until then, there is no shame in doing whatever you can to be safe for your family. My brother kept reminding me of that. Every toilet I clean, every meal I make, every carpool, it all adds value to my family's life. It keeps us safe. Also, every time you help a friend here it matters. You're doing a lot. Try to keep your head up. |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
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#12
Yes. I get tired of taking meds and want to give my body a break. But in the am all my pills are for physical ailment s and if I forget them I can’t keep food down. Without my night meds I can’t sleep. So I’m pretty much stuck with them.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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Member
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 138
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#13
When I first brought up sexual dysfunction, my Dr said I embarrassed her. I told her to grow up because she prescribed the meds with these side effects and better feel comfortable talking about it. She listens when I complain, but maybe sex isn’t important to her and she doesn’t get it. Also, I tried a variety of meds and risperdal is literally magic for me.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lie. I’m only a short time away from a significant manic episode. I don’t want to cause myself issues. It just seems that maybe my new prescription should be to take the risperdal when I’m sick and have breaks when things are well. Maybe I can talk to her about that. __________________ I’m |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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Neurodivergent
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: Western US
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#14
I still go through periods when I am sick to death of taking meds twice a day, every day. Especially on Mondays when I have to fill up my pill boxes for the week! I hate being reminded all the time that I have a chronic mental health problem that can never be cured, only managed.
On the other hand, medications give me some control over my illness. I no longer spend myself into bankruptcy. I don't have those awful rages I used to have before I was diagnosed and medicated. Nor do I drive like a bat out of Hell singing at the top of my lungs to music that isn't playing on the car stereo. That's the part I try to remind myself of whenever I get tired of taking meds. __________________ DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, ~Christina
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Magnate
Member Since May 2004
Location: Alberta, Canada
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#15
Quote:
__________________ It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: NYC
Posts: 75
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#16
I am completely sick of my meds. Sometimes I cannot stand the sight of them. I once wrote my pdoc a note and sent it through the mail stating that I was sorry but I could not take these meds anymore. By the time he responded I already had problems but he convinced me to start up again. I did and soon felt better. I still hate them.
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bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
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#17
I hate Seroquel for the weight gain. It pulled me out of mania last year, but I don't see why I should have to take it every day now. I tapered off but then found I still had trouble sleeping, so I went back on 50. It's a good balance now. I feel good and I can sleep and I'm not gaining weight.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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*Beth*
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
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Location: Tennessee
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#18
I have Asthma so I often need Steroids and that can cause Mania to come crashing in to my life, Hey ! but a girls gotta breath,
Risperidal caused me to Lactate !Ekkkk No way Dumped that in the garbage right away . There is a med that often works better than Risperdal. Invega is just a more refined risperadel. It was fully weight neutral for me. Most meds say Dry mouth ,, Invega actually had my mouth not dry at all so that was a treat...... I would drool when I was able to sleep But Invega was a wonderful med for me. __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,467
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#19
Quote:
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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*Beth*, ~Christina
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*Beth*, ~Christina
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Washington State
Posts: 22
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#20
Quote:
Hi Busymom, You are NOT alone. I was just talking to my partner about this actually, how I sometimes feel as though I'm constantly mourning who I was before medication. The thing I have to tell myself all the time is that there was an initial reason I got on meds, and that I am not a bad person or lesser as a result of needing them. I understand the feeling you're having though; we can get through this together. __________________ Lamotrigine 200mg, Citalopram 20mg, Seroquel 100mg |
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