Feeling so lost and unable to tell others

SorryShaped · Sep 05, 2020 at 11:34 AM

The topic says it. I feel lost, empty, and sad. I don't think I can tell anyone because they'll probably think "he's suicidal again" even though I don't know how I feel about that right now. I'm having trouble actually feeling anything a lot of the time. I haven't had a moment of clarity in a long time. I've been dwelling on my past experiences and choices. There are a lot of tears all the time but I'm also having allergy problems so I play it off as allergies. Sometimes I make that almost crying noise but then act like I didn't know that I did. The depression is giving me massive headaches and making me sleep most of the time. I don't have any energy either. I think I am reaching out here, now, because I need encouragement, although I'm not sure for what. I might be able to be coaxed into almost anything, be it a cult or whatever. I feel that lost and powerless already. I know it's not in my best interest but I'm also craving alcohol badly, because it's a temporary escape from feeling like this.

TunedOut · Sep 05, 2020 at 11:48 AM

How long have you been feeling this way (I see where you said you haven't had clarity in a while)? Sometimes we can feel better the next day if we can just get a good nights sleep. Please forgive yourself for your past choices--we ALL have made bad ones, even people who have no diagnosis. Just look at the people in charge.

I do think it is smart to be careful who you tell--both for their sake and ours. Any other distractions (so hard to find right now) you can think of besides alcohol? Do you get outside any? It is a three day weekend so I know you likely don't have a T or psych if you see one regularly. Hang in there. Hugs.

Fuzzybear · Sep 05, 2020 at 11:52 AM

I agree with TunedOut, everyone has made bad decisions at some point, including those with (apparently) no diagnosis (I'm thinking of some in the FOO

) I also think it's smart to be careful who you tell. I also have allergies (under my fur grrrrr)

SorryShaped · Sep 05, 2020 at 12:01 PM

I used to have all kinds of hobbies and I want to do them but I don't have the energy to even try. I'm for sure getting too much sleep. I haven't been drinking because that involves going out to get alcohol. I don't want to go anywhere.

swimmingly · Sep 05, 2020 at 12:39 PM

Guilt over past mistakes and decisions is a very tough temptress. We tend to have a hard time letting go of those sometimes. They are trauma, and easy to scourge ourselves with when we feel our lowest. I am working with a trauma therapist on this specifically now.

One thing I'd advise, is to let those tears out. I used to hold them in, and I don't think it was healthy to do to myself. I think I was telling myself I was tougher than the tears, but they are actually a pretty good vent for me in the rare times that I actually get them now-a-days. Embrace the emotions in you, they are there for a reason. Don't suppress them.

I wish you so much health and happiness. Its a tough year for all. You are in a good place for support. I came here a few months ago and have learned a lot about myself, my disease and about great friendships I've made with people all over the world. Consider yourself among those friends.

Fuzzybear · Sep 05, 2020 at 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swimmingly

Guilt over past mistakes and decisions is a very tough temptress. We tend to have a hard time letting go of those sometimes. They are trauma, and easy to scourge ourselves with when we feel our lowest. I am working with a trauma therapist on this specifically now.

One thing I'd advise, is to let those tears out. I used to hold them in, and I don't think it was healthy to do to myself. I think I was telling myself I was tougher than the tears, but they are actually a pretty good vent for me in the rare times that I actually get them now-a-days. Embrace the emotions in you, they are there for a reason. Don't suppress them.

I wish you so much health and happiness. Its a tough year for all. You are in a good place for support. I came here a few months ago and have learned a lot about myself, my disease and about great friendships I've made with people all over the world. Consider yourself among those friends.

busymomof5 · Sep 05, 2020 at 02:36 PM

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I definitely understand. You are not alone. I would encourage you to reach out to friends, family, or your doctor for support. I imagine they want to be there for you.

We have all made mistakes in the past. It helps me to understand that many factors went into my mistakes and that they do not define me as a person. Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself or a letter of apology that you do not mail. Allow yourself a finite time to feel bad about it and think about it each day and then move on. We can’t change the past ... only our lives now.

bpcyclist · Sep 05, 2020 at 04:13 PM

What does the pdoc say, Sorry?

Hugs and love.

SorryShaped · Sep 06, 2020 at 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

What does the pdoc say, Sorry?

Hugs and love.

Pdoc only keeps office hours one day a week. Last tele visit, we upped the Prozac. That was early August. It doesn't appear to be helping. I'm supposed to be outside walking more. That's nearly impossible when I can't get out of bed. Depression makes me not care if I do anything.

bpcyclist · Sep 06, 2020 at 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Pdoc only keeps office hours one day a week. Last tele visit, we upped the Prozac. That was early August. It doesn't appear to be helping. I'm supposed to be outside walking more. That's nearly impossible when I can't get out of bed. Depression makes me not care if I do anything.

Sorry, not judging at all, but That kind of sparse pdoc contact will not get it done when one is struggling as you are. You MUST do the impossible and get enough energy to make those calls. The state you are in is actually a danger to your safety. Please reach out. It is unethical and vry, very improper for that doc to leave you in this state without major intervention. It is not right. Please act.

Hugs and love!

SorryShaped · Sep 06, 2020 at 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Sorry, not judging at all, but That kind of sparse pdoc contact will not get it done when one is struggling as you are. You MUST do the impossible and get enough energy to make those calls. The state you are in is actually a danger to your safety. Please reach out. It is unethical and vry, very improper for that doc to leave you in this state without major intervention. It is not right. Please act.

Hugs and love!

I can leave a message and she will call me. She's a full time professor and head of a psych nurse department at a sizeable college. I don't know that there's anything else to be done. I got a spare vyvanse from a friend today, and it's helping. I used to be prescribed them for ADHD. I'm hoping being able to get things done for once will help. It usually does. It's been almost 4 years since I was prescribed speed for ADHD and I've had concentration problems ever since

Foldinthecheese · Nov 29, 2020 at 09:23 AM

I'm new here and I know this post is kind of old, but I'd really like to know how OP is doing now. I'm struggling with energy/depression issues after being stable for a while. My partner is saying "Well you stopped exercising,that's why." He doesn't understand that I have no energy to exercise. And since this has been a slow decline into depression(I was in denial because I wasnt ready to fall into this hole again) I was exercising when I first started going down and it didnt help. I was forcing myself to exercise and I'm still here in this hole.
Anyways! I wanna know how OP is doing. Crossing my fingers for a positive response.

*Beth* · Nov 29, 2020 at 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Foldinthecheese

I'm new here and I know this post is kind of old, but I'd really like to know how OP is doing now. I'm struggling with energy/depression issues after being stable for a while. My partner is saying "Well you stopped exercising,that's why." He doesn't understand that I have no energy to exercise. And since this has been a slow decline into depression(I was in denial because I wasnt ready to fall into this hole again) I was exercising when I first started going down and it didnt help. I was forcing myself to exercise and I'm still here in this hole.
Anyways! I wanna know how OP is doing. Crossing my fingers for a positive response.

Hi Foldinthecheese, Are you in treatment?

By the way, welcome!

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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Sep 05, 2020 at 11:52 AM #3 I agree with TunedOut, everyone has made bad decisions at some point, including those with (apparently) no diagnosis (I'm thinking of some in the FOO ) I also think it's smart to be careful who you tell. I also have allergies (under my fur grrrrr) __________________
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SorryShaped Grand Magnate Member Since Mar 2017 Location: Kentucky Posts: 3,273 7	Sep 05, 2020 at 12:01 PM #4 I used to have all kinds of hobbies and I want to do them but I don't have the energy to even try. I'm for sure getting too much sleep. I haven't been drinking because that involves going out to get alcohol. I don't want to go anywhere.
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bpcyclist Legendary Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Portland Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!) 4 40.2k hugs given	Sep 05, 2020 at 04:13 PM #8 What does the pdoc say, Sorry? Hugs and love. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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