[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I slept for 8 full hours the night before last. It was wonderful!

I’ve mentioned that I have a high anxiety producing situation in my life right now. I’m just eaten up with anxiety over it. There is no escape from it. I hope it’s resolved soon because between the anxiety and panic attacks, I’m curled up in a little ball on the couch. Nothing is getting accomplished.

Anxiety is the pits!

deep nreathing, meditation, prayer help me. Hugs!

[downersgoup]

I'm feeling okay today. Kind of feels like an upswing from depression at the moment, but not fully out yet. I'm trying to decide if I should switch from lamotrigine to lithium per the recommendation of my psych, but am feeling a bit exhausted with the constant tweaking of meds. I know it's just part of the process, but I would be remiss in saying that it wasn't annoying sometimes.

[wildflowerchild25]

Ok Ive had a chance to chill out. I was able to tell RS about my day and I feel so much better. I was never able to share my day with my late husband without judgement. I love him very much. Yesterday, we looked at engagement rings together and measured my ring size. I tried my hardest to get him to be ok with the ones I liked but he kept saying they’re too cheap lol I would never want him to spend a lot on a ring! Just enough so that it is quality so it will last a long time. My other engagement ring was less than $500 and was fine for the 7 years I wore it. Aquamarine and white gold. I do not want a diamond for political and capitalistic reasons. Anyway, he knows what I like now. He kind of felt bad because he wanted to do it stealthily like you’re “supposed” to but I explained to him he might end up getting me something I hate because he doesn’t know my style. I wear zero jewelry, he’s got nothing to go on! He didn’t know where I kept my old wedding set.

Anyway I’m just happy we’re moving forward. I told him I will not dictate how/when to propose

As I said, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when he said he wanted no more than 50 people at our wedding!!! I am actually going to have my dream wedding! My late husband controlled everything about our wedding. He invited practically everyone we knew, he made me get married in a church, he made me do the bouquet toss and garter removal (SO UNCOMFORTABLE). He even made me add two women to my bridal party to make it even! One I barely knew, and the other I couldn’t stand!

We will be able to get married in my dream venue (a botanical garden that is dear to my heart and has a beautiful old house to serve as the reception hall). And I will be able to cut out all the people I don’t want there by just saying we can only fit x people in the venue! And best of all the whole thing should be under 10k!

I am just very happy to finally have the life I wanted all along. No abuse, controlled mental illness, happy job, great father figure for my son...and in a few years we will even have a house of our own.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Ok Ive had a chance to chill out. I was able to tell RS about my day and I feel so much better. I was never able to share my day with my late husband without judgement. I love him very much. Yesterday, we looked at engagement rings together and measured my ring size. I tried my hardest to get him to be ok with the ones I liked but he kept saying they’re too cheap lol I would never want him to spend a lot on a ring! Just enough so that it is quality so it will last a long time. My other engagement ring was less than $500 and was fine for the 7 years I wore it. Aquamarine and white gold. I do not want a diamond for political and capitalistic reasons. Anyway, he knows what I like now. He kind of felt bad because he wanted to do it stealthily like you’re “supposed” to but I explained to him he might end up getting me something I hate because he doesn’t know my style. I wear zero jewelry, he’s got nothing to go on! He didn’t know where I kept my old wedding set.

Anyway I’m just happy we’re moving forward. I told him I will not dictate how/when to propose

As I said, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when he said he wanted no more than 50 people at our wedding!!! I am actually going to have my dream wedding! My late husband controlled everything about our wedding. He invited practically everyone we knew, he made me get married in a church, he made me do the bouquet toss and garter removal (SO UNCOMFORTABLE). He even made me add two women to my bridal party to make it even! One I barely knew, and the other I couldn’t stand!

We will be able to get married in my dream venue (a botanical garden that is dear to my heart and has a beautiful old house to serve as the reception hall). And I will be able to cut out all the people I don’t want there by just saying we can only fit x people in the venue! And best of all the whole thing should be under 10k!

I am just very happy to finally have the life I wanted all along. No abuse, controlled mental illness, happy job, great father figure for my son...and in a few years we will even have a house of our own.

Sounds like things are looking up!

[Moose72]

So today I called the new apartment complex to ask for the link to the online portal where you pay your rent, etc. and the lady said, "Oh, we got the paperwork. We are working on it right now". So of course my initial reaction was happiness! But now I'm beginning to think that they're not doing that at all. Why? Because she didn't send me the link to the portal! Shouldn't I be able to log in there soon? Aren't I going to have to pay the rent and deposit on the first? I want to know! Am I being unreasonable? Paranoid? Annoying? All I asked for was the link to the portal! I had it before but I lost it. Now I'm not even sure I remember the password I came up with for it! I have a guess and I hope I'm right.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by downersgoup

I'm feeling okay today. Kind of feels like an upswing from depression at the moment, but not fully out yet. I'm trying to decide if I should switch from lamotrigine to lithium per the recommendation of my psych, but am feeling a bit exhausted with the constant tweaking of meds. I know it's just part of the process, but I would be remiss in saying that it wasn't annoying sometimes.

Starting lithium in 2008 likely saved my life, as it markedly improved my resistant depression. Traditional teaching about lithium was that it was mostly useful for the up pole. That was clearly an error. Recent studies in major depression have shown it as as effective as any traditional antidepressant.

I was on lamictal for yrs. It was useless for my depression

Hugs!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Ok Ive had a chance to chill out. I was able to tell RS about my day and I feel so much better. I was never able to share my day with my late husband without judgement. I love him very much. Yesterday, we looked at engagement rings together and measured my ring size. I tried my hardest to get him to be ok with the ones I liked but he kept saying they’re too cheap lol I would never want him to spend a lot on a ring! Just enough so that it is quality so it will last a long time. My other engagement ring was less than $500 and was fine for the 7 years I wore it. Aquamarine and white gold. I do not want a diamond for political and capitalistic reasons. Anyway, he knows what I like now. He kind of felt bad because he wanted to do it stealthily like you’re “supposed” to but I explained to him he might end up getting me something I hate because he doesn’t know my style. I wear zero jewelry, he’s got nothing to go on! He didn’t know where I kept my old wedding set.

Anyway I’m just happy we’re moving forward. I told him I will not dictate how/when to propose

As I said, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when he said he wanted no more than 50 people at our wedding!!! I am actually going to have my dream wedding! My late husband controlled everything about our wedding. He invited practically everyone we knew, he made me get married in a church, he made me do the bouquet toss and garter removal (SO UNCOMFORTABLE). He even made me add two women to my bridal party to make it even! One I barely knew, and the other I couldn’t stand!

We will be able to get married in my dream venue (a botanical garden that is dear to my heart and has a beautiful old house to serve as the reception hall). And I will be able to cut out all the people I don’t want there by just saying we can only fit x people in the venue! And best of all the whole thing should be under 10k!

I am just very happy to finally have the life I wanted all along. No abuse, controlled mental illness, happy job, great father figure for my son...and in a few years we will even have a house of our own.

What an exciting time for you!!! Just remember, the state may limit the size of your wedding due to Covid.

Hugs!!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

So today I called the new apartment complex to ask for the link to the online portal where you pay your rent, etc. and the lady said, "Oh, we got the paperwork. We are working on it right now". So of course my initial reaction was happiness! But now I'm beginning to think that they're not doing that at all. Why? Because she didn't send me the link to the portal! Shouldn't I be able to log in there soon? Aren't I going to have to pay the rent and deposit on the first? I want to know! Am I being unreasonable? Paranoid? Annoying? All I asked for was the link to the portal! I had it before but I lost it. Now I'm not even sure I remember the password I came up with for it! I have a guess and I hope I'm right.

I just think you are excited, Moose. Just chill. Everything is going to be just fine...

[bizi]

@wildflowerchild25

I am so happy for you!
He sounds like a keeper.
I picked out my engagement ring...lol
If I have to wear it then I want to know that I love it!
bizi

[Moose72]

I just took two PRNs- 5 mg haldol (only had 10's) and 100 Seroquel. I hope this helps me. We will see how I feel in about 20 minutes.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I slept for 8 full hours the night before last. It was wonderful!

I’ve mentioned that I have a high anxiety producing situation in my life right now. I’m just eaten up with anxiety over it. There is no escape from it. I hope it’s resolved soon because between the anxiety and panic attacks, I’m curled up in a little ball on the couch. Nothing is getting accomplished.

Anxiety is the pits!

To me, there is no worse feeling than anxiety. I hope peace comes soon.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I bought a hamper that has wheels and I love not having to carry a basket.. I got mine at Target, I dunno if they still have them. I just did a quick search on Amazon they has tons ! Might help you

Thank you! What an excellent idea. I do have to use the stairs, but I'd still be able to use a hamper with wheels on the stairs.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

So today I called the new apartment complex to ask for the link to the online portal where you pay your rent, etc. and the lady said, "Oh, we got the paperwork. We are working on it right now". So of course my initial reaction was happiness! But now I'm beginning to think that they're not doing that at all. Why? Because she didn't send me the link to the portal! Shouldn't I be able to log in there soon? Aren't I going to have to pay the rent and deposit on the first? I want to know! Am I being unreasonable? Paranoid? Annoying? All I asked for was the link to the portal! I had it before but I lost it. Now I'm not even sure I remember the password I came up with for it! I have a guess and I hope I'm right.

I know, it's sooo hard not to overthink.She probably just spaced it out. Ask her again. That wouldn't be annoying, unreasonable, or paranoid. It's just business...you need the link, she needs to give it to you.

My life is empty and my eating is out of control.

@Jennifer 1967: I'm so sorry to hear of your anxiety. I hate anxiety worse than depression. I hope it resolves soon.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[Mountaindewed]

My blood test results came back normal. So that part is taken care of. Today I’m in a pretty good mood. Especially since I got up this morning at 2:50. I have things under control and I also found popcorn flavored M&Ms. I was googling the town I’m moving to and there’s some pretty cool local restaurants. Plus a few chain ones I don’t have here. I’ll also be closer to some big name tourist towns that would be good spots for a vacation destination whenever this covid thing clears up. I feel better about the move now that I’m seeing my therapist in person a couple times before I move.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

What is the binder for- are you FtM? I had to wear a special binding bra when I had a breast reduction. Was not too comfy- but it was necessary.

Yes I am FtM.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

It sure is! I'm sorry you are having to go through that. I, myself, am holding my breath that my paperwork gets done and the inspection goes through. They didn't email me the link to the portal today. That makes me nervous. Yay for sleeping 8 full hours!

I hope things start going smoothly for you.

[bpcyclist]

Having a total, cataclysmic spiritual meltdown. Just epiphanized upon myself that my parents comPLETELEY HOSED ME!! As a little child. I just cannot believe they did this. I love them so very much and they have done so much for me. Other than only the single most crucial thing in the galaxy!!! How on earth could I possibly have gotten to this age before I realized I was raised 1000 percent to be an atheist. Arghhhhh!!!! I am so mad!!!!!!!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Having a total, cataclysmic spiritual meltdown. Just epiphanized upon myself that my parents comPLETELEY HOSED ME!! As a little child. I just cannot believe they did this. I love them so very much and they have done so much for me. Other than only the single most crucial thing in the galaxy!!! How on earth could I possibly have gotten to this age before I realized I was raised 1000 percent to be an atheist. Arghhhhh!!!! I am so mad!!!!!!!

Hi Cyclist, can you explain here or make a thread about what you mean about your parents "completely hosing you"?

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Having a total, cataclysmic spiritual meltdown. Just epiphanized upon myself that my parents comPLETELEY HOSED ME!! As a little child. I just cannot believe they did this. I love them so very much and they have done so much for me. Other than only the single most crucial thing in the galaxy!!! How on earth could I possibly have gotten to this age before I realized I was raised 1000 percent to be an atheist. Arghhhhh!!!! I am so mad!!!!!!!

Kids are raised to be all sort of things. It either takes or it doesn't. You have the ability to choose and you're making your own way. We can take time to take issue with the choices our parents made, but we can't get lost in the anger or the what ifs. Just stick to what now.

I know you've reported that you've been euthymic recently, but I'm seeing a shift in you lately. What are you doing to keep safe and balanced? Sending love and support your way.