[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

What an afternoon for me! GP told me to go to Urgent Care, so Hubby took me. For some reason my mood skyrocketed. I had been a bit revved up before that, but the anxiety heightened it more. I had an xray and luckily it didn't show any significant damage. I was told just likely a sprained neck and back, so rest and avoidance of strain is recommended.

At the urgent care they took my blood pressure twice. The first reading was a whopping 200 / 145. The second 185 / 113. I asked if I should expect to keel over and die, then I found it humorous and disturbing to the point of anxious laughter. The nurse and doctor didn't seem that concerned, oddly. Regardless, I asked the doc to write the readings down. By chance, I have a tele appointment with my nephrologist tomorrow morning, who also specializes in hypertension. I'll share this data since he's not exactly taking my blood pressure himself. He has my blood test results showing still high, but reduced, cholesterol and triglycerides. My kidney function was slightly worse. [You know, Lithium can really suck! I wish I had never taken that med!]

When I got home, I took my meds (including propranolol) and soaked in a lavender epsom salt bath. I took my blood pressure four times, 40 minutes later, and it averaged 130 / 80. Still high, but not as scary. I'll measure again in the morning. Maybe I will push for something that might help. I know my pdoc would appreciate that, too. Despite the ultra high blood pressure readings, my heart rate was fine all times. Thanks propranolol, but wish you helped my blood pressure more!

It's odd that at almost my very same weight in the past (15 years ago) that my blood pressure and cholesterol were normal. Age and medications must indeed be the culprits. Boo!

Glad it's only a sprain. Yeah that blood pressure would have scared me too. Glad its went down....

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m absolutely riddled with anxiety. I feel like I can’t breathe every time I’m alone with my thoughts, like trying to fall asleep at night. I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of calling my pdoc and asking her about it. I’m not sure I want klonopin bc I’m already tired all day from the seroquel. The benzo would add to that. I don’t get a high from klonopin so I’m not nervous about emotional addiction but physical dependency is always possible. But I don’t know what else there is.

I really think work is getting to me. I’m dreading going in tomorrow. I really hope my kid finds something to help him soon. He’s been threatening me and other staff. He’s not that big but he’s stocky so I’m not sure I could safely hold him. I don’t want to give up on him. But at the same time I’m unsure if he’s just testing me or really serious.

I don’t know. All I know is I’m exhausted by the end of the day. I can’t play games with my son. I don’t want to do what my mom did. I want to be better than that.

I have therapy tomorrow too, so I’ll discuss it with her too.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m absolutely riddled with anxiety. I feel like I can’t breathe every time I’m alone with my thoughts, like trying to fall asleep at night. I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of calling my pdoc and asking her about it. I’m not sure I want klonopin bc I’m already tired all day from the seroquel. The benzo would add to that. I don’t get a high from klonopin so I’m not nervous about emotional addiction but physical dependency is always possible. But I don’t know what else there is.

I really think work is getting to me. I’m dreading going in tomorrow. I really hope my kid finds something to help him soon. He’s been threatening me and other staff. He’s not that big but he’s stocky so I’m not sure I could safely hold him. I don’t want to give up on him. But at the same time I’m unsure if he’s just testing me or really serious.

I don’t know. All I know is I’m exhausted by the end of the day. I can’t play games with my son. I don’t want to do what my mom did. I want to be better than that.

I have therapy tomorrow too, so I’ll discuss it with her too.

I'm glad you've shared your anxiety and concerns with us. I have tremendous empathy for the child you're working with. That said, I'm wondering at what point Mom decides she knows enough about who her son "really is" and allows him the meds he clearly needs? Also, how much do you have to be endangered (because that's what it is) by the child before boundaries are set by your workplace?

You are entirely correct; your own son deserves a healthy you.

I hope your session tomorrow is productive. Keep us posted

Oh - and regarding the Klonopin...I do have a dependency on it. It was very useful, though, way back when. If I could do it over, I would have taken Klonopin for only a month or two until my anxiety either got better or got worse and needed a different type of med.

Personally, Seroquel never touched my anxiety.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

What an afternoon for me! GP told me to go to Urgent Care, so Hubby took me. For some reason my mood skyrocketed. I had been a bit revved up before that, but the anxiety heightened it more. I had an xray and luckily it didn't show any significant damage. I was told just likely a sprained neck and back, so rest and avoidance of strain is recommended.

At the urgent care they took my blood pressure twice. The first reading was a whopping 200 / 145. The second 185 / 113. I asked if I should expect to keel over and die, then I found it humorous and disturbing to the point of anxious laughter. The nurse and doctor didn't seem that concerned, oddly. Regardless, I asked the doc to write the readings down. By chance, I have a tele appointment with my nephrologist tomorrow morning, who also specializes in hypertension. I'll share this data since he's not exactly taking my blood pressure himself. He has my blood test results showing still high, but reduced, cholesterol and triglycerides. My kidney function was slightly worse. [You know, Lithium can really suck! I wish I had never taken that med!]

When I got home, I took my meds (including propranolol) and soaked in a lavender epsom salt bath. I took my blood pressure four times, 40 minutes later, and it averaged 130 / 80. Still high, but not as scary. I'll measure again in the morning. Maybe I will push for something that might help. I know my pdoc would appreciate that, too. Despite the ultra high blood pressure readings, my heart rate was fine all times. Thanks propranolol, but wish you helped my blood pressure more!

It's odd that at almost my very same weight in the past (15 years ago) that my blood pressure and cholesterol were normal. Age and medications must indeed be the culprits. Boo!

Good that you've nothing worse than a strain, just important that it doesn't worsen. So do take good care

Those blood pressure readings are too high, but I'm glad it dropped some at home. In my experience psych meds definitely cause high bp. When I was thin and on just an AD my bp went up. Why so many MD's don't know that is puzzling to me.

[NOS-NOS]

I've been in a depression for several days but I'm ok. Then I get more financial woes this evening, just trying to stay positive

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I got out for coffee today and took a shower. Scrabble is going well. My dog and i are getting along. Our COVID numbers are soaring. I hope we don't have to go back into lockdown.

@Soupe du jour: Glad your aches and pains are just sprains. Tho i'm sure it's no fun. I just mean that it's good it's not something more serious. Sometimes my mood jumps up when there is a crisis. Do you think that's what happened today?

Hugs to all who struggle, especially those effected by the wildfires.

I'm glad you got out a bit and all is well with doggie. Do be careful with covid numbers on the rise.

Yes, definitely high stress rockets my mood upwards. I am a little bit more level now, but not completely. I will take an extra 50 mg Seroquel XR this morning again. It's only 5:20 am right now.

[Soupe du jour]

Thanks Coolbreeze and Beth Rags!

Beth Rags, somewhere I read an article stating how psychiatrists should be more assertive about ensuring patients metabolic health. In my psychiatrist's defence, he is always asking why my GP and nephrologist hold off on prescribing such treatments. It's actually angered him, and yet he doesn't get on the phone to them. They always keep saying "Well, not yet. Maybe..." My GP says I'm still not high enough risk for such meds, but everything I see implies otherwise. Certainly psych meds suck in that they cause metabolic problems, but I have to take the suckers. Without, I would become severely ill, mentally. In my case, the psych stuff, untreated, would be far worse than metabolic risks, I think.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

What an afternoon for me! GP told me to go to Urgent Care, so Hubby took me. For some reason my mood skyrocketed. I had been a bit revved up before that, but the anxiety heightened it more. I had an xray and luckily it didn't show any significant damage. I was told just likely a sprained neck and back, so rest and avoidance of strain is recommended.

At the urgent care they took my blood pressure twice. The first reading was a whopping 200 / 145. The second 185 / 113. I asked if I should expect to keel over and die, then I found it humorous and disturbing to the point of anxious laughter. The nurse and doctor didn't seem that concerned, oddly. Regardless, I asked the doc to write the readings down. By chance, I have a tele appointment with my nephrologist tomorrow morning, who also specializes in hypertension. I'll share this data since he's not exactly taking my blood pressure himself. He has my blood test results showing still high, but reduced, cholesterol and triglycerides. My kidney function was slightly worse. [You know, Lithium can really suck! I wish I had never taken that med!]

When I got home, I took my meds (including propranolol) and soaked in a lavender epsom salt bath. I took my blood pressure four times, 40 minutes later, and it averaged 130 / 80. Still high, but not as scary. I'll measure again in the morning. Maybe I will push for something that might help. I know my pdoc would appreciate that, too. Despite the ultra high blood pressure readings, my heart rate was fine all times. Thanks propranolol, but wish you helped my blood pressure more!

It's odd that at almost my very same weight in the past (15 years ago) that my blood pressure and cholesterol were normal. Age and medications must indeed be the culprits. Boo!

Glad your pressures came down, Soupe. They can be all over the map. Mine has been rising. We shall see.

Stay on it. Hope you heal quickly.

Hugs!!

[Gabyunbound]

My brother has untreated BPD (won't accept diagnosis, won't do DBT, insists he has PTSD from arguments with my father which has led to lack of a relationship at this point with him and his ex-wife having cheated on him).

His BPD manifests itself in various ways. I do not mean to denigrate in any way those with BPD, it just seems that much of his behavior stems from this.

In his case (and some of this may not be as the result of BPD, but some other types of dx), if there's any disagreement or I don't do what he wants me to do (he's very controlling), he explodes into a rage, to the point that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him. He walks all over boundaries, and it has historically been very difficult for me to put up boundaries because he is so controlling, but doing so is on me, and I'm getting better at it.

Everyone in my family has called him 'abusive' at one time or another. I agree with this.

I moved to the state where he lives about 4 years ago. Before this, for many many years, I had very limited contact with him. He was abusive to me as teenagers and I wanted little to do with him, though it had been more of a passive not wanting to be around him, I never really thought about why. I felt protective of him in my mind.

In any case, since I moved here and have had regular contact with him, it has been a rollercoaster ride. When things are good between us, it's a pleasure to be around him. When we disagree about something, however small, it's horrific. To give an example, a few years ago I needed to buy a new car and he BLEW UP at me over the phone because I had decided to buy a car which wasn't amongst those he had recommended.

And there's so so so much more...

My point in writing all this, is that last night I finally wrote him an email saying that I want no more contact with him unless and until his behavior changes. It's only about a page long and is to the point. I also mention how he has blown up on my mother on many occasions (she's wheelchair-bound due to MS) and express my concern about that, but say it's up to them to work out their relationship between the two of them (I've gotten in the middle too many times; I'm learning...). I strongly encourage him to seek out therapy. I said I loved him.

I know it will hurt him. A lot. And I fear the fallout. Once when he was fighting with my father and stepmother over email, he drove 3 hours to their home and pounded on their door to talk to them in person. He then proceeded to blow up at them, scaring my stepmother in the process; she has said she's scared of him ever since.

I'm afraid he'll come pounding on my door as well. But my doors are locked and I won't let him in. I worry about this also because he has said many times that he doesn't want to deal with 'emotional' stuff via email, it has to be in person (unless he initiates such an email chain). But I won't see him in person because of his anger -I end up feeling intimidated and just can't express myself that way.

So the email is sent. My boundaries are set. It's actually possible he won't even read it, he's done this before when he suspects it's about emotional topics. but if he does, all hell could break lose. The last time I tried to end contact, his girlfriend, now wife, texted me that he had called her about it and that she jumped in her car in the middle of a work day to go where he was because she feared he would be so devastated he wouldn't be able to take it. But his reaction, his emotions and anger, are not my responsibility, or so people keep telling me, and it's beginning to sink in...

[Moose72]

Taping up full boxes. Not sure what else I can do. I'm getting really nervous now. SOMEbody had better call me today!!

P.S. I just emailed my section 8 worker asking what the status of the inspection is and what happens next after it passes. We'll see what she says. I HOPE it's "You passed, now..." instead of "Inspection hasn't passed; need to do a new one..."

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

But his reaction, his emotions and anger, are not my responsibility, or so people keep telling me, and it's beginning to sink in...

This! Not only is this not your responsibility, its not your problem either. It's his. My mother has blown up at me in the past. (I think she might have BPD.) It's part of BPD. My dysphoric mania plus her BPD = disaster. I hope you can keep your distance and that he doesn't go on a rampage after your email. (I don't know what your email says, but I'm sure it was a rational, well-thought-out email.) You sound like you're doing well.

[Innerzone]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

My brother has untreated BPD (won't accept diagnosis, won't do DBT, insists he has PTSD from arguments with my father which has led to lack of a relationship at this point with him and his ex-wife having cheated on him).

His BPD manifests itself in various ways. I do not mean to denigrate in any way those with BPD, it just seems that much of his behavior stems from this.

In his case (and some of this may not be as the result of BPD, but some other types of dx), if there's any disagreement or I don't do what he wants me to do (he's very controlling), he explodes into a rage, to the point that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him. He walks all over boundaries, and it has historically been very difficult for me to put up boundaries because he is so controlling, but doing so is on me, and I'm getting better at it.

Everyone in my family has called him 'abusive' at one time or another. I agree with this.

I moved to the state where he lives about 4 years ago. Before this, for many many years, I had very limited contact with him. He was abusive to me as teenagers and I wanted little to do with him, though it had been more of a passive not wanting to be around him, I never really thought about why. I felt protective of him in my mind.

In any case, since I moved here and have had regular contact with him, it has been a rollercoaster ride. When things are good between us, it's a pleasure to be around him. When we disagree about something, however small, it's horrific. To give an example, a few years ago I needed to buy a new car and he BLEW UP at me over the phone because I had decided to buy a car which wasn't amongst those he had recommended.

And there's so so so much more...

My point in writing all this, is that last night I finally wrote him an email saying that I want no more contact with him unless and until his behavior changes. It's only about a page long and is to the point. I also mention how he has blown up on my mother on many occasions (she's wheelchair-bound due to MS) and express my concern about that, but say it's up to them to work out their relationship between the two of them (I've gotten in the middle too many times; I'm learning...). I strongly encourage him to seek out therapy. I said I loved him.

I know it will hurt him. A lot. And I fear the fallout. Once when he was fighting with my father and stepmother over email, he drove 3 hours to their home and pounded on their door to talk to them in person. He then proceeded to blow up at them, scaring my stepmother in the process; she has said she's scared of him ever since.

I'm afraid he'll come pounding on my door as well. But my doors are locked and I won't let him in. I worry about this also because he has said many times that he doesn't want to deal with 'emotional' stuff via email, it has to be in person (unless he initiates such an email chain). But I won't see him in person because of his anger -I end up feeling intimidated and just can't express myself that way.

So the email is sent. My boundaries are set. It's actually possible he won't even read it, he's done this before when he suspects it's about emotional topics. but if he does, all hell could break lose. The last time I tried to end contact, his girlfriend, now wife, texted me that he had called her about it and that she jumped in her car in the middle of a work day to go where he was because she feared he would be so devastated he wouldn't be able to take it. But his reaction, his emotions and anger, are not my responsibility, or so people keep telling me, and it's beginning to sink in...

Wishing you the very, very best with this. Such a tricky dynamic to deal with. You are ABSOLUTELY right that his emotions and anger are NOT your responsibility. As true as it is, it can be very challenging taking it from one's head to one's heart. Keep us posted. Stay strong!

[Moose72]

It's time to pray/send good luck/etc.! I left a message for the new complex asking when my new place is being inspected. It needs to be done or today so i can sign the lease tomorrow! Please send good vibes!

Well new good vibes are needed. I called and talked with the new complex who said its Friday that Im being inspected. Can move that day but we wont know what time just yet. I emailed the section 8 worker but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I called my current landlord who said I have to pay an extra day but that I have to put my keys in the drop box by Monday at 5 p.m. I'm working on getting the keys from the kids so I can't hand them back. So this COULD all work out if my mom and her husband and the movers are free- and the lady who wants the piano.

PRAYERS and GOOD WISHES NEEDED!!

[Nammu]

Good vibes sent, moose!

@Moose72: I'm sending good vibes about the apartment situation. It's terrible that it's down to the wire like this. But when i bought my condo the mortgage approval went down to the last 40 minutes! Ack! Hope you get some news soon.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@Moose72: I'm sending good vibes about the apartment situation. It's terrible that it's down to the wire like this. But when i bought my condo the mortgage approval went down to the last 40 minutes! Ack! Hope you get some news soon.

I just edited my post with new details.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Good vibes sent, moose!

Thanks!

Btw, I edited my post with new details.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@Moose72: I'm sending good vibes about the apartment situation. It's terrible that it's down to the wire like this. But when i bought my condo the mortgage approval went down to the last 40 minutes! Ack! Hope you get some news soon.

Wow- the last 40 minutes! That's Crazy!

[Moose72]

The big problem is the movers. If they can't do it Friday we will have to move everything ourselves. I don't know what time I'll be moving- depends on when the inspection is.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Moose72

The big problem is the movers. If they can't do it Friday we will have to move everything ourselves. I don't know what time I'll be moving- depends on when the inspection is.

I hope it all goes according to plan, Moose.

Here in the land of fire I've seen fb reports that the flames are now being blown away from our home. I can't verify it, but I sure hope it's true.

The most difficult thing right now is dealing with my MIL whose spiritual walk is so divergent to mine. It's quite abrasive being forced to bend to her spiritual view because she isn't willing to allow for differing perspectives. Anyway, I'll shut up about that now.

I wish I could sit around a big table with all of you so that we could chat about this and that, tell stories and laugh together.