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Default Sep 22, 2020 at 10:43 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by daladico View Post
In a weird way, that actually makes me feel better. Cuz no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to make it better.

Knowing that training may not be beneficial somehow takes the blame I place on myself away a bit.

I’ve been working hard over the past couple years to accept my brain and accept the whole ADLs thing...
Wait? What? So, we are supposed to like, give up or something. I just know I really do struggle so bad.

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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 08:25 AM
  #42
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Wait? What? So, we are supposed to like, give up or something. I just know I really do struggle so bad.
No, I’m not saying we should give up. I absolutely think we should keep trying. But if we utilize the skills, put in the effort, and it’s still freaking hard- it’s probably not our fault, just how our brain works.

I personally just fight against it so much and it causes me so much frustration in life. I do think we should continue finding and utilizing any tricks that might help but at the same time accept our brains.

Yesterday for example, it took me 7 hours to complete basic household tasks (cooking, cleaning) that should have taken less than 2 hours. I just couldnt seem to start and continue the tasks, despite how hard i wanted to. I literally put 100% effort in, kept trying to reframe my brain, made lists, prioritized, tried to break things down into smaller tasks, set alarms, etc, but it was SO DANG HARD to actually DO the tasks.

My natural instinct Is to get frustrated with myself. My knowing that it might just be part of how my brain works, validates what I am struggling with. It means if I am doing my best- And employing the skills/tricks, that it’s not my “fault” that it still took me 7 frustrating hours. Somehow that concept is freeing to me.

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Dx:
Bipolar
Anxiety
ADD

Meds:
Risperidone
Tegretol
Abilify
Zoloft
Buspar
Adderall

[prior meds:
lithium,
lamictal,
cymbalta,
ritalin]
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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 08:42 AM
  #43
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Wait? What? So, we are supposed to like, give up or something. I just know I really do struggle so bad.
Another thing is showering. Showering causes me SO MUCH FRUSTRATION in life.

I used to think I was supposed to shower every day. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t make myself do it.

I implemented many skills from my therapist & care manager over the past couple years, but no improvement with showers.

So I have finally accepted that my brain just really struggles with that task, and no matter how much skill/training/effort I put in, it likely won’t get better.

And now wipes and dry shampoo are my best friends 😁😂 and life is better for it ✨

__________________
Dx:
Bipolar
Anxiety
ADD

Meds:
Risperidone
Tegretol
Abilify
Zoloft
Buspar
Adderall

[prior meds:
lithium,
lamictal,
cymbalta,
ritalin]

Last edited by daladico; Sep 23, 2020 at 09:04 AM..
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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 10:44 AM
  #44
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Originally Posted by daladico View Post
Another thing is showering. Showering causes me SO MUCH FRUSTRATION in life.

I used to think I was supposed to shower every day. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t make myself do it.

I implemented many skills from my therapist & care manager over the past couple years, but no improvement with showers.

So I have finally accepted that my brain just really struggles with that task, and no matter how much skill/training/effort I put in, it likely won’t get better.

And now wipes and dry shampoo are my best friends 😁😂 and life is better for it ✨
It is virtually impossible for me to shower anymore. Almost a phobia now. I just do the best I can other ways. I am so embarrassed at my the poor level of functioning caused by this illness. So many things I cannot do that I judge myself for. Thongs that cause me to feel I have failed in my duties to my creator. Just makes me so sad. I wish I did not feel this judgmental about myself. It hurts my heart.

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Default Sep 26, 2020 at 03:23 PM
  #45
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
It is virtually impossible for me to shower anymore. Almost a phobia now. I just do the best I can other ways. I am so embarrassed at my the poor level of functioning caused by this illness. So many things I cannot do that I judge myself for. Thongs that cause me to feel I have failed in my duties to my creator. Just makes me so sad. I wish I did not feel this judgmental about myself. It hurts my heart.
I’m sorry you struggle so much with this too I totally get it, and it totally sucks

How long have your [I]ADLs been worse for?

For me it’s been about 3 years, ever since my bipolar symptoms worsened. I haven’t been able to reach my prior level of functioning since, even when my mood has been more stabilized (which seems to be infrequent).

And I think the pressure I put on myself with it definitely worsens my quality of life.

Why do you feel you’ve failed in your duties to your creator?

I often feel I’ve failed the expectations of society, of my family, and of myself.

__________________
Dx:
Bipolar
Anxiety
ADD

Meds:
Risperidone
Tegretol
Abilify
Zoloft
Buspar
Adderall

[prior meds:
lithium,
lamictal,
cymbalta,
ritalin]

Last edited by daladico; Sep 26, 2020 at 03:59 PM..
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Default Sep 26, 2020 at 04:49 PM
  #46
Two years for me.

I guess i feel my God has asked us to help him spread the good news and nw that I am so sick, I just cannot do much. And everyone thinks I am a lunatic anyways. I feel useless.

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