Deprivation of Love

So, as I have said, I am beginning the process of becoming Catholic. So excited! I get confirmed at Easter, if that is God's will. Yay! Super deee-duper stokified!

I have also said that I believe I have been undergoing a.vast spiritual transformation since first becoming manic and psychotic in 2005. One painful observation many of us with bipolar disorder and schizophreniaish illnesses have is that our sometimes distressing words and conduct harm those who love us. One outcome of this is the loss of those sources of love as they seek protection from our chaos and madness. Very sad for all.

Further, when we with these disorders are down-cycled or experiencing negative symptoms, the parts of the brain in which the human experience of love reside malfunction, often, catastrophically. When this happens, we are deprived of the wondrous consolation repeatedly promised by God of his everlasting love, which he so generously created in and for us. Also, very, very difficult and sad.

I personally today believe that God is currently displeased with this state of affairs. Based on some fairly staggering spiritual experiences I have had since 2005, I also believe he feels very strongly the time to act on al"l this this is now.

Appreciate any feedback.[PH[/PHP]

Hey Cyclist,

I'm really happy about your confirmation. It's such a special time. Mine was one of rebelling and revolting against many things and people at the time, but to find the love as an adult is a truly beautiful thing.

I don't know what I personally believe. Sometimes there's something, sometimes there's not. I can't give you more than that.

I can tell you that His or Her or It's world has been wrecked asunder. I don't talk or speak of political manners and won't be drawn into them. I do my speaking in private rooms or at the polls. I will say that it's udderly on the edge of war, environmental collapse, and when man and women of all types and varieties treat each other as we do, it's time to think about what the real goal here is.

I've thought on this a lot lately. I've had so much damned time to think, too. Since June, all the time. I think we haven't even begun to see displeasure yet. I think we have some very disgusting and awful times ahead and it won't be pleasant for any.

I'll end rant, because this mixed ep could lead to some lovely rantings that won't make sense. I'll just sneak this last thing in. We've earned everything we've got coming. As a species, we suck.

Are you questioning whether your feelings about religion are an aspect of mania?

What do you mean by 'act on this now'?

I am excited for you regarding your conformation.

congratulations on your conformation!

if you don't mind me asking, what are some diffrences between catholic and christianity? (I don't really know anything about cathlics)
the 2 reasons I am asking are that I am generally curious, and I also don't want to post something, or make a comment that goes against your religion.

I am very careful when I know someone is a certain religion so as not to offend them.

No. But I am grateful you asked. Pls. let me know if you ever see evidence of it or any other bp slash sz symptamotology.

Oh, well, I am no expert but the Catholic Church was the original Christian church basically founded by St. Peter, as described in the bible. As I so understand.
More than a thousand years later, Martin Luther and others broke off from the Church in a process commonly termed the reformation. Others joined, including Henry VIII, though his reasoning was less lofty. He had met the young and smokin' hot Ann Boleyn and wanted a divorce from his wrinkling wife. The Catholic Church repeatedly refused these requests, so Henry finally took England out of the Catholic Church, creating the Church of England.

It worked for awhile, until Henry mistakenly concluded Ann was scheming against him and chopped her head off.

Ah. Right. That. Sorry. I personally and just myself feel and believe that the basic human rights and God-offered dignities so attached have been and are now being mass-violated by our criminal justice, healthcare, and profit-focused drug development industries in my country. I believe this is unethical and wrong and must be addressed using previously verified American civil rights justice change tools, as practiced ny John Lewis, MLK, Jr., et al. And yes, it is my current deep and firm spiritual belief that our creator is presently unhappy with this state of affairs and would very much appreciate our addressing it, like, yesterday. It is my current spiritual belief that he is troubled so many people who love him and seek his comfort are suffering due to our brain illnesses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist No. But I am grateful you asked. Pls. let me know if you ever see evidence of it or any other bp slash sz symptamotology.

I don't mean to be abrupt and accusatory. I'm thinking of your other thread about religion vs. psychosis. I'm not entirely sure exactly how to classify "real" spirituality as opposed to "manic" spirituality, myself. When I'm stable I have strong spiritual connections, and that is truly how I am. My spirituality is important to me.

When manic, however, it seems that spirituality and religion become the strongest forces in the universe. I don't need to explain too much...most likely, most of us have been in that state. Believing that I am chosen to do God's work, or live by example uber alles the teachings of Jesus, or to become a devout Jew. Once I shaved my head in preparation for becoming a Buddhist nun.

That stuff. Thus, the reason for my question.

Thank you. It can be quite difficult for those of us who have strong spiritual beliefs. The purpose of the thread was ro provoke conversation on the topic.

Ugh, yes. It is difficult. I've had many moments of spiritual awakening in my life - at least that's what they seemed to be, and still seem to be. But part of me questions...what if it's just bipolar disorder me? What if the God, or Creator, or Universal Spirit, or whatever name I assign - what if it's only the manifestation of my BD?

And then I ask myself why it matters.

Well, because. It does matter.

And then I am at a place of stepping where I know better than to take myself.

So I try not to dwell on it. I try to feel solidly good about believing in the Spirit of the Universe, because I believe It has helped me out so many times. So many times. But then I want to throw out all my meds and feel that Spirit the way I know I can, which is HUGE and BRIGHT and AMAZING and REAL!!!!! I'm so lucky, I'm surely blessed to be able to have the privilege of actually knowing the reality of God!

Oh, but...

So I reel myself back in and just trust that it's all okay. That the Spirit is there for us, regardless of how we are or are not.

Thank you for this.

I see. I hope you are able to find an outlet for change that can accommodate your health needs.

I spent a lot of time and energy pushing against the darkness in this world and it led me to madness. I take a much different approach now. I try not to judge it as it is what I need in order to be stable. I also try not to judge others.

I believe my creator offered free will for a reason and I am using mine to choose safety for myself and my family. I'm just not in a position to avenge the greater evils at this point and that's ok. I am offering service in other ways that do not destabilize me. It has been difficult to accept that, but the lessons I have picked up in humility and unconditional love have been worth the effort.

There is a very fine line for those of us with these sorts of disorders to walk here. We are deeply connected spiritually and I believe there is more to it than a simple malfunction of the brain. It is very difficult to control though. Mine left me feeling more like a puppet than a spiritual warrior.

I only hope you'll keep us posted on your endeavors so that we can assist in the event things get a little out of hand. I think your heart is in a beautiful place and I wish you well with this. I also care for your well-being and hope you can find a way to make change while staying balanced. Allowing our spiritual aspect to dominate our hearts and minds is a slippery slope. Be sure to use your physical, emotional and mental aspects each day in more neutral ways to ground.

Thank you, fern. Yes, due to my illness load, I will have to be mostly a cheerleader on the sidelines during this. Sure, I can write a book or two. But mostly, I just need to do my program, be with you guys, and pray.

I was telling someone the other day that our brains are like 12-cylinder Lamborghinis. When well-maintained and tuned, you might get a Van Gogh or a Mozart or maybe Einstein situation. But run out of oil and you are on the side of the road in need of $15,000 worth of work.

Van Gogh was a hot mess. There is another theory that he actually had epilepsy. At any rate, if he is a well oiled engine and we are not, we are in a world of hurt.

And I'm the same. A cheerleader who cheers for all. That is a great service on its own. We don't need to be superheroes

Right. He was supremely well-oiled in one teensy, tiny, arcane area of brain function, perhaps as well-oiled as any painter in history. Yes, he cut off his ear, butvwhen he painted, it was pure magic.

Well that's just it. I'm learning to be ok with sacrificing the magic for the greater good of balance. Some people think I'm nuts for not using my gifts to the fullest, but in my mind I'm nuts if I allow my ego to reign supreme.

I believe the term for that is wisdom.

It is wisdom, and I believe that if we don't develop that wisdom - for whatever reason - most of us die at a young age with a lot of regret and terrible sadness.

Medication and therapy are certainly not perfect, but they allow us the time to experience our illness, make choices, and - hopefully - come to that profound place of wisdom.