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NOS-NOS
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 235
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#21
I usually get this way during depression or mania
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
bpcyclist
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#22
All hugs all the time. So sorry we have all had to live like this. I just don't think people understand how hard it is for us to live with this illness. It robs us of our souls and the emotional connection with our loving creator many of us so reach grasp and hope for. Comfort. Makes me sad for us. Maybe we can fix this some day.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*, Fuzzybear
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*Beth*
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Grand Magnate
fern46
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#23
Maybe it can be learned to feel the connection with the creator in other ways that bypass the emotional structures. Like a shift between to 'feel' and to 'know'. The heart can know even if the emotions cannot feel. The heart can know even if the brain cannot think.
Perhaps one can rest peacefully with that knowing until the emotions and mind open up properly again. |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
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Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301
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#24
Quote:
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
bpcyclist
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#25
Quote:
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Fuzzybear
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Grand Magnate
fern46
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#26
So proof of the creator has come to me over my life in many forms. I've seen it in the themes that flow through all of the major religions and philosophies. I've witnessed the miracle of life and studied it in nature. I've been carried through dark times that should have otherwise swallowed me whole. On a deep level, I believe in loving intelligent design. It flows within me and within every other living being.
The tricky part is that I cannot always feel connected to this loving intelligence. Sometimes I am just in a funk. Othertimes the view is wholly obscured by darkness. The feeling is null or it is covered in fear or despair. It is at these times I must rationally reach into my knowing. I can find my knowing by sitting in nature. I can connect with it in the shower. I can ask it to be with me while I meditate. The goal is just to ask and then it's like I remember all over again. I remember that the connectedness just is. I remember times when I knew before and I find a way back there. It isn't an on or off state. Disconnection is an illusion of the mind. There is no other in a world where all that is created is a part of the creator. The darkness or emptiness is also a part of the same creator. There is no other. Therefore, I can also remember that while it may not feel pleasant, my creator has never left me. I am 100% of the time connected and I have been gifted with the ability to remember at any time. Remembering these truths and focusing on them brings me back to center. To the heart. It is unconditional and open. After I make it back there, the noise of my thoughts and emotions seems to quiet down. I feel more at peace. I know I'm not in control and I can relax a little knowing all I can do is try to flow alongside a force that is me, but is greater than me. I can use my will to choose how to percieve the creator and I find my way into something more preferable or I find a way to accept and learn from my current state. |
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, Michael2Wolves
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301
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#27
Quote:
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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catches the flowers
*Beth*
is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind,
body, spirit.
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#28
There is one aspect of bipolar disorder that I find fascinating, because it is very much in tune with the natural world, and that is the cyclic nature of BD. The natural world, which to me is directly connected to the spiritual world, is cyclic. Spirituality, for me, is that connectedness I feel with the universal natural world. That doesn't necessarily mean I have to be sitting by a mountain stream or standing near the ocean. I can feel the connectedness while inside of a busy city. I believe that it's there for me whenever I'm willing to listen to it and feel it.
Maybe today I am in a green meadow full of wildflowers...maybe today I'm in a painful place. Either way, the cycle remains ever changing, ever constant. __________________ |
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
bpcyclist
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Location: Portland
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#29
I feel this as well.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*
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*Beth*
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Member
Christopher1990
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Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 467
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#30
Ive looked deep into this. Look into soul retrieval. We lose parts of ourselves due to trauma. That part is disconnected or sometimes lost forever because it could not deal with the trauma. Ive been wanting to see a shaman to perform a soul retrieval but have never gotten around to it. Its something worth looking into.
I feel dead inside. As if im living in hell. This is what normal people dont understand. U know. And Ive experienced God. Ive experienced the spirit world/asrtal world/obe But, probably due to meds. Particularly ap. I feel like it disconnects us from our spirit/soul. True self. This is the main reason i have gone off my meds so many times. Why? Well i dont get joy out of anything. Is the trade off feeling dead inside all the time? I used to feel something from prayer. If i say prayer now its like im talking to a damn wall. Absolutely nothing there. Im going on two yrs stability. Taking my meds but at what cost? I cant live life this way. I do all the healthy things im supposed to do. I want to feel alive again. |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Legendary
bpcyclist
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#31
Quote:
I am so messed up that I apparently somehow managed to park virtually 100 percent of all emotion-related software and hardware (gray and white matter and all involved ions, molecules and voltages) at some point, creating this 6 year-old kid who for now is the emotional repository for all of it. So, when I am regular old cyclist, age 56, I cannot access those emotion databases. But the child can. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*, Fuzzybear
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Grand Magnate
fern46
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#32
Quote:
It can be safe to trust. It can be safe to love. You can be free. Pain may be a byproduct, but nobody ever lived a pain free life. The joy far outweighs the pain. Suffering is not the only option. |
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
bpcyclist
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Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#33
Thanks! Yes! Yes. I believe you. I do. And I trust and love everyone. I do. If you steal Albert or my super expensive bicycle or my Ben & Jerry's--totally reserve all copywrites and stratagems pertaining to Full Federal If Not The Hague Remedies. Full stop.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*, fern46, Fuzzybear
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Grand Magnate
fern46
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#34
My roomate's dog walker stole my Ben & Jerry's a few times. I knew it was time for a new roommate. I couldn't trust anyone who would allow such a heartless person into our home.
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301
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#35
Quote:
That horrible girl broke my trike __________________ |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Member
imaginethat
frantic
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
111 hugs
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#36
Quote:
The psychotrophic drugs "quiet" part of the brain (at least some of them do). You can't get much quieter than "dead" and "hollow". I'm talking to my therapist this week about it, so hopefully I'll have some tips for dealing with this. I hope you're feeling better today. |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
bpcyclist
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Location: Portland
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#37
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Fuzzybear
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Legendary
bpcyclist
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#38
Quote:
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Fuzzybear, imaginethat
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
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#39
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