Does Anyone Else Feel Hollow Or Kind Of Dead Inside Sometimes?

bpcyclist · Sep 28, 2020 at 09:39 AM

My emotions hve become largely disconnected from the rest of my brain, I assume, as a result of this illness. As such, I often feel like an empty vessel, hollow, or sort of dead, emotionally. Super good antidepressants used to help with this, but not any more.

Can anyone relate, or is it just me?

MuddyBoots · Sep 28, 2020 at 09:59 AM

Yeah, that's my baseline. It's either "sort of dead" or emotions turned up to 100. You're far from alone.

bpcyclist · Sep 28, 2020 at 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien

Yeah, that's my baseline. It's either "sort of dead" or emotions turned up to 100. You're far from alone.

I am so sorry. What is wrong with us?

Victoria'smom · Sep 28, 2020 at 10:57 AM

I often feel dead inside with a heavy weight on my chest and nausea. Meds don't touch it.

MuddyBoots · Sep 28, 2020 at 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so sorry. What is wrong with us?

A quick google search on "why do I feel so empty?" says some stuff about developing emotional detachment as a "protective shield" due to some early trauma. I think this is my case except it's been exasperated by drug abuse..

here's the link: Why do I feel nothing? Emptiness and borderline personality - Counselling Directory I know it says it's about BPD but I think this specific "symptom" or experience can apply to a lot of people.

*Beth* · Sep 28, 2020 at 12:33 PM

I can't help but believe that medication often causes that feeling. When my dose(s) have been too high I can feel a flat or "dead-ish" feeling inside. But I don't feel that way, in general. I feel rather tormented, as if I'm constantly on the verge of flipping into a strong mixed state, leaning toward mania. I can't seem to get anything to move fast enough, everything seems to be lagging behind my brain activity. I feel afraid of dying because my body is worn out from what my brain is doing. I am in chronic pain and feel unwell all of the time.

Skeezyks · Sep 28, 2020 at 02:50 PM

It occurred to me recently that I'm sort-of like those life-size cut-outs of celebrities that people stand next to to have their picture taken. It looks like they're standing next to the real person. But actually it's just a fake. There's nothing behind it. Call me cardboard man...

bpcyclist · Sep 28, 2020 at 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

It occurred to me recently that I'm sort-of like those life-size cut-outs of celebrities that people stand next to to have their picture taken. It looks like they're standing next to the real person. But actually it's just a fake. There's nothing behind it. Call me cardboard man...

What do you mean by that, Skeezyks?

Skeezyks · Sep 28, 2020 at 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

What do you mean by that, Skeezyks?

Thanks for asking! Well... actually, as I think about it, what I wrote is sort-of incorrect. I guess what I was suggesting was I feel like just a picture with nothing behind it... which is perhaps another way of saying I feel empty... or perhaps hollow. But the fact is there's a whole lot of stuff behind the cardboard cut-out I present to the world. I just never show any of it to anyone... never have (with one awkward exception)... never will...

Moose72 · Sep 28, 2020 at 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Thanks for asking! Well... actually, as I think about it, what I wrote is sort-of incorrect. I guess what I was suggesting was I feel like just a picture with nothing behind it... which is perhaps another way of saying I feel empty... or perhaps hollow. But the fact is there's a whole lot of stuff behind the cardboard cut-out I present to the world. I just never show any of it to anyone... never have (with one awkward exception)... never will...

Hello, Skeezyks!

Speaking of photos, what is your avatar pic? Is that supposed to represent you?

DazedAndKunfyoozed · Sep 28, 2020 at 04:52 PM

Is cannabis legal in your state? Other than bad feelings about myself and disgust at a few others I've not felt much at all in decades. Serotonin and dopamine reuptake inhibitors did little or nothing. Then someone introduced me to MJ. It was very very weird. I actually felt happiness and joy. That's right, actual joy and elation. I even laughed a bit. Over the years these emotions had become foreign to me and experiencing them again was almost overwhelming. I can't buy it in my state though.

*Beth* · Sep 28, 2020 at 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Thanks for asking! Well... actually, as I think about it, what I wrote is sort-of incorrect. I guess what I was suggesting was I feel like just a picture with nothing behind it... which is perhaps another way of saying I feel empty... or perhaps hollow. But the fact is there's a whole lot of stuff behind the cardboard cut-out I present to the world. I just never show any of it to anyone... never have (with one awkward exception)... never will...

Good to see you, Skeezyks. Do you think you might ever show just one bit of the "stuff"...see what happens? I hope you know that *here* is one safe place for you to do that...

bpcyclist · Sep 28, 2020 at 06:48 PM

We all love the Skeezyks!!!

*Beth* · Sep 28, 2020 at 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

We all love the Skeezyks!!!

Love and respect

scatterbrained04 · Sep 29, 2020 at 03:41 AM

Yeah bpcyclist, I feel that way quite a bit. Like I'm just a shell of a person just going through the motions all the time.

Michael2Wolves · Sep 29, 2020 at 04:08 PM

I feel dead inside; obsessive thinking means I know why--thought energy. The problem is, I have become addicted to staring into the mirror of self-assessment, and continuously find myself lacking, and not just in things that can be explained away as delusional thinking.

I want to leave and go far away; there's nothing for me here, and I am stuck. There's nowhere to fly to, so for me, my bipolarity (if it is indeed not actually borderline personality tendencies) is merely reflecting upon how much I lack in comparison to others in terms of where I should be as a human being of four decades on this earth. I can't get out of it, so I feel like the emptiness is just the resignation to fate.

Skeezyks · Sep 29, 2020 at 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

Hello, Skeezyks!

Speaking of photos, what is your avatar pic? Is that supposed to represent you?

@Moose72 My avatar doesn't really represent anything in particular. (At least not on a conscious level.) But I think there may be a "sub-conscious" sense in which it perhaps represents a part of me. However, basically, it was simply a picture I was attracted to. So I used it when I needed an avatar here on PC. This is my second time around here on PC. And this has always been my avatar. Thanks for asking!

Manic Trance · Sep 29, 2020 at 04:50 PM

Most definitely!
Dissociation, depersonalization, derealization... etc...
It's all part of the bag...
Disfortunately...
But you are not alone!!!

bpcyclist · Sep 29, 2020 at 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael2Wolves

I feel dead inside; obsessive thinking means I know why--thought energy. The problem is, I have become addicted to staring into the mirror of self-assessment, and continuously find myself lacking, and not just in things that can be explained away as delusional thinking.

I want to leave and go far away; there's nothing for me here, and I am stuck. There's nowhere to fly to, so for me, my bipolarity (if it is indeed not actually borderline personality tendencies) is merely reflecting upon how much I lack in comparison to others in terms of where I should be as a human being of four decades on this earth. I can't get out of it, so I feel like the emptiness is just the resignation to fate.

I am so sorry you are struggling. Hugs!

bpcyclist · Sep 29, 2020 at 05:28 PM

Thanks ao much to everyone who has responded. It seems like our illnesses cause this feeling of emptiness via some very specific neural circuitry. I need to go geek out and figure where and how our brains are doing this to us. Maybe we can fix it someday.

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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,094 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 09:59 AM #2 Yeah, that's my baseline. It's either "sort of dead" or emotions turned up to 100. You're far from alone.
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,428 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 10:57 AM #4 I often feel dead inside with a heavy weight on my chest and nausea. Meds don't touch it. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Skeezyks Disreputable Old Troll Member Since Oct 2015 Location: The Star of the North Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!) 8 17.4k hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 02:50 PM #7 It occurred to me recently that I'm sort-of like those life-size cut-outs of celebrities that people stand next to to have their picture taken. It looks like they're standing next to the real person. But actually it's just a fake. There's nothing behind it. Call me cardboard man...
	Reply With Quote

bpcyclist Legendary Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Portland Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!) 4 40.2k hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 06:48 PM #13 We all love the Skeezyks!!! __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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scatterbrained04 Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,868 9	Sep 29, 2020 at 03:41 AM #15 Yeah bpcyclist, I feel that way quite a bit. Like I'm just a shell of a person just going through the motions all the time.
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Manic Trance Member Member Since Oct 2013 Location: NYC Posts: 268 10 31 hugs given	Sep 29, 2020 at 04:50 PM #18 Most definitely! Dissociation, depersonalization, derealization... etc... It's all part of the bag... Disfortunately... But you are not alone!!! __________________ Whether you are a big deal or a small deal, there is always some kind of a deal going on. - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
	Reply With Quote

bpcyclist Legendary Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Portland Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!) 4 40.2k hugs given	Sep 29, 2020 at 05:28 PM #20 Thanks ao much to everyone who has responded. It seems like our illnesses cause this feeling of emptiness via some very specific neural circuitry. I need to go geek out and figure where and how our brains are doing this to us. Maybe we can fix it someday. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
	Reply With Quote