Life's a tough teacher

So I've been looking back at my life, and everything I did to put me in the bad situation I'm in now. And I also look at the factors which keep me trapped in this situation, the most prevalent being my bipolar (I'm schizoaffective bipolar type, but most of the time it's the bipolar that is the most salient)

Anyways, I try not to complain but I need somewhere to vent. So I'm divorced now over a year and living at my parent's house. I know that I will be here a long time because a) I have to pay child support for the next 12 years (3 kids), which severely limits my take-home income and b) the cost of housing where I live is not cheap. I work a decent enough job, but assuming I stay there it will take years to get up to the level I need to be salary-wise. So I had an idea to get into financial sales. But I have bipolar and I know how I am and it just doesn't fit the schema of making serious money. For example, sometimes (actually often) I have bad days, depressed days. Sometimes this goes on for weeks. How can I do a sales job if I'm depressed and could barely work for 2 weeks straight? It just does not compute. You have to be on your A-game at least 95% of the time and I'm only really on my A-game when I'm manic, which is not often. So I'm stuck in this situation with no plausible escape route. At least in the short-term. Long term I think I'll be ok in about 7-11 years, but that seems like an eternity. This has implications - my current relationship is pretty much doomed to fail because of my finances. So I can kiss my girlfriend goodbye, it's really only a matter of time. She seems optimistic, but we have major hurdles. It's a long distance relationship and she doesn't want to move to my state. She also has reservations about certain family members of mine, I don't know if they can be resolved. We've had a tough year as a couple, and covid only made it worse. I haven't seen her since July. My parents might move to a different state. If they do I'll have to follow, which mean I lose my job and have to find a new one which will probably pay less, further constraining my finances and ability to thrive. I wind up not saving and spending money on things just to make myself feel better. Even if I did save, housing needs to be paid for with monthly income, not savings, so I still couldn't move out.

I only think of the things that put me here. I should have never gotten married. I should have pursued a promising career in my 20's instead of wasting my time trying to figure things out. I should have finished college the first time around instead of spending that time in an alcoholic haze. I should have never touched cocaine. I should have been more realistic about life instead of living in a bubble until I was 42. I should have been more serious about who I surrounded myself with. I should have thrived, instead I wallowed. The illness is only in part to blame.

I can look at some positives as well, at least I have a degree, and a master's. At least I have a job for the moment. At least I have an income. At least I'm not out on the street, which I would likely be if I didn't have my parents. At least I have some good material possessions. At least I'm able to work. At least I'm not hospitalized. At least I'm not crippled physically. At least I have supportive relatives and friends. At least I'm not overmedicated anymore.

The blue fish says, "Just keep swimming".

Life is full of so many ups and downs. It is good you are trying to look at the positive in addition to the negative. If you have to move, it COULD turn out OK. Sometimes in areas where they pay less, living expensives might also be less. IMO, it is not how much you make, it is more about can you generate a positive cash flow (or at least hold on by not accumulating debt ) I know child support is a big burden but it is also crucial to your children's future. Be proud about any support you can generate for them. Hang and there!!!

You need to stop shoulding and stick with gratitude. I made all the right career choices, had a giant career, and still got manic and psychotic and totally blew up my life. Lost everything. Everyone hates me. This is just what happens to us. You are like all the rest of us. And we love you.

Stay strong. Follow where God leads. Do your best. Be thankful you are not homeless. Hugs!!

It's hard to be thankful when I wish I never existed

You have a lot of insight and it will serve you well. You know which choices added value in your life and which choices detracted from it. That is huge. You're in a valley at the moment, but there are other peaks in your future. The cycles always come if we allow for it.

My whole life is in the toilet right now. I need a new job but don't have the skills required to do what I want. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. I'm trapped at my god forsaken Job, trapped at my parents house, trapped in debt and student loans which will kill my bank account once the deferment is over. I'm trapped by 42 years of doing stupid ****. I'm in a rage today, I'm pissed. Pissed that there's no way out

Though student loans are usually forever, have you considered getting some of your other debts (for instance if you have credit card debt) discharged via bankruptcy? Bankruptcy is an avenue that might help reverse the trap you find yourself in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NOS-NOS Anyways, I try not to complain but I need somewhere to vent. So I'm divorced now over a year and living at my parent's house. I know that I will be here a long time because a) I have to pay child support for the next 12 years (3 kids), which severely limits my take-home income and b) the cost of housing where I live is not cheap. I work a decent enough job, but assuming I stay there it will take years to get up to the level I need to be salary-wise. So I had an idea to get into financial sales. But I have bipolar and I know how I am and it just doesn't fit the schema of making serious money. For example, sometimes (actually often) I have bad days, depressed days. Sometimes this goes on for weeks. How can I do a sales job if I'm depressed and could barely work for 2 weeks straight? It just does not compute. You have to be on your A-game at least 95% of the time and I'm only really on my A-game when I'm manic, which is not often. So I'm stuck in this situation with no plausible escape route. At least in the short-term. Long term I think I'll be ok in about 7-11 years, but that seems like an eternity. This has implications - my current relationship is pretty much doomed to fail because of my finances. So I can kiss my girlfriend goodbye, it's really only a matter of time. She seems optimistic, but we have major hurdles. It's a long distance relationship and she doesn't want to move to my state. She also has reservations about certain family members of mine, I don't know if they can be resolved. We've had a tough year as a couple, and covid only made it worse. I haven't seen her since July. My parents might move to a different state. If they do I'll have to follow, which mean I lose my job and have to find a new one which will probably pay less, further constraining my finances and ability to thrive. I wind up not saving and spending money on things just to make myself feel better. Even if I did save, housing needs to be paid for with monthly income, not savings, so I still couldn't move out. I only think of the things that put me here. I should have never gotten married. I should have pursued a promising career in my 20's instead of wasting my time trying to figure things out. I should have finished college the first time around instead of spending that time in an alcoholic haze. I should have never touched cocaine. I should have been more realistic about life instead of living in a bubble until I was 42. I should have been more serious about who I surrounded myself with. I should have thrived, instead I wallowed. The illness is only in part to blame. I can look at some positives as well, at least I have a degree, and a master's. At least I have a job for the moment. At least I have an income. At least I'm not out on the street, which I would likely be if I didn't have my parents. At least I have some good material possessions. At least I'm able to work. At least I'm not hospitalized. At least I'm not crippled physically. At least I have supportive relatives and friends. At least I'm not overmedicated anymore.

I would be hesitant switching careers or leaving a stable sort of place into a sales place