[Asleval]

Hello everyone,
I am just kind of venting and seeking maybe some advice, family and friends really do not understand.
I recently made a post about wanting to stop all my medications because of my dr keeps adding meds and changing them all the time Literally only one appointment this entire year has not involved a med change of some sort. (was directed here). My dr had added seroquel (have not taken it) and it pissed me off because I did not think that I was going into mania. Sleep had been slowly dwindling down and now its been 2 full days no sleep, racing thoughts/ maybe well the only way I can describe it is its like endless banter half the time its not even a flowing thought its just random sentences or words, I am struggling with extreme anger again every little thing pisses me off, and feeling paranoid. Feeling kind of defeated because I still do not understand what is happening to me, and struggle to identify hypo manic / manic episodes or if that is even what is happening to me! Does anyone have any tips, how do you see it coming Or if that is even whats going on? The worst part is I still do not know if I want to continue pumping poison into my body. I have a dr appointment on Monday. maybe I will go back to therapy. I quit going in July. Dr mentions it ever appointment. I had been going for 16 years, I was 13 when I started this whole journey and still do not understand so whats the point? Maybe I am doomed to this party in hell for an eternity. Sorry I know this is long. Any helpful advice would be so welcomed!
Thank you!
Mana

[bpcyclist]

Hey, Mana. So very sorry you are struggling. I have pretty profound bp 1. I am no longer able to identify when I enter hypomania. I become excited and euphoric and am soon gone. I check in here a few times daily at least and my beloved pals say: "Dude. You are getting manic. Again." Very helpful to me

So. You are manic now. Sleep. Racing. Confusion. Agitation. Dysphoria. Mania.

Mania is a psychiatric emergency. If not treated immediately, inappropriate emails, running naked down Broadway, punching or stabbing someone, and other unpredictable and dangerous outcomes may be likely. Jail, state hospital do result.

It must be treated pharmacologically now. Are you capable of helping yourself w this today? Let us know.

I support reentering therapy. Let us know how we can support you further.

Hugs!

[*Beth*]

Your description - "endless banter" - perfect words to use for the racing thoughts of mania. I will remember to use those to describe to my pdoc the next time I have those thoughts.

I can't say, of course, whether you're a permanent party guest. In general, though, BD is considered a life-long illness. And remember, it is a brain disorder, it's not something you "do wrong."

Personally, I have never viewed meds as poison. I see them more as a way to protect my mind and body from the stress of the illness I have.

cyclist is correct...there is an immense amount of support to be had on this board. And with reference to support - I agree with your idea. Therapy can be so helpful for those of us with bipolar disorder.

[Fuzzybear]

I cannot offer advice

I was told a few things by different drs

most of that stuff i do not believe

since i believe everyone is worthy and deserving

especially those who try to respect others

and work on themselves...

i live in a different forest

i send respect, hugs and support

[Asleval]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Hey, Mana. So very sorry you are struggling. I have pretty profound bp 1. I am no longer able to identify when I enter hypomania. I become excited and euphoric and am soon gone. I check in here a few times daily at least and my beloved pals say: "Dude. You are getting manic. Again." Very helpful to me

So. You are manic now. Sleep. Racing. Confusion. Agitation. Dysphoria. Mania.

Mania is a psychiatric emergency. If not treated immediately, inappropriate emails, running naked down Broadway, punching or stabbing someone, and other unpredictable and dangerous outcomes may be likely. Jail, state hospital do result.

It must be treated pharmacologically now. Are you capable of helping yourself w this today? Let us know.

I support reentering therapy. Let us know how we can support you further.

Hugs!

Thank you for your response, kind of a wake up call and the weird part of this all is in the back of my mind I know the right thing to do, I do not know why I feel this way. I truly do not want to go into another manic episode, ruin my life when it was just starting to come back together Especially after completely sabotaging myself in the beginning of the year. I have the medication its just the step of taking it. I have been taking my mood stabilizer (minus maybe a few here and there lately) all the while and I feel like things should not be growing this out of control again. Whats the point of taking it if it does not stop it from happening anyway? Needless to say I will take all my meds tonight allow myself to be knocked out. I have an appointment on Monday, face the music. Do what needs to be done.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Asleval

Thank you for your response, kind of a wake up call and the weird part of this all is in the back of my mind I know the right thing to do, I do not know why I feel this way. I truly do not want to go into another manic episode, ruin my life when it was just starting to come back together Especially after completely sabotaging myself in the beginning of the year. I have the medication its just the step of taking it. I have been taking my mood stabilizer (minus maybe a few here and there lately) all the while and I feel like things should not be growing this out of control again. Whats the point of taking it if it does not stop it from happening anyway? Needless to say I will take all my meds tonight allow myself to be knocked out. I have an appointment on Monday, face the music. Do what needs to be done.

Yeah. I hear you. I do. All of us basically without exception are in a never-ending and continuous process of tweaking and adjusting our meds. At this point, having been on more than 50 different drugs over the decades with this deal, I would be quite skeptical of the accuracy of a bp 1 diagnosis on anyone who has really longstanding euthymia on a single, static regimen
Of course. It can happen for spurts. But it just is not the nature of the bipolar illness for most of us. It is an ever-shifting set of neurobiologic circumstances.

Hang in there! You will get through this!

[Gabyunbound]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Yeah. I hear you. I do. All of us basically without exception are in a never-ending and continuous process of tweaking and adjusting our meds. At this point, having been on more than 50 different drugs over the decades with this deal, I would be quite skeptical of the accuracy of a bp 1 diagnosis on anyone who has really longstanding euthymia on a single, static regimen
Of course. It can happen for spurts. But it just is not the nature of the bipolar illness for most of us. It is an ever-shifting set of neurobiologic circumstances.

Hang in there! You will get through this!

I have to respectfully disagree. I've been on a static regimen for some 5 years, have episodes only(?) about 2-3 times a year, and each time either my AP is temporarily increased or an additional AP is temporarily prescribed. This is how my pdoc roles and I like it. If my current regimen is working, then let's leave it alone and only make temporary changes when needed. In any case, what works for me may well not work for others.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I have to respectfully disagree. I've been on a static regimen for some 5 years, have episodes only(?) about 2-3 times a year, and each time either my AP is temporarily increased or an additional AP is temporarily prescribed. This is how my pdoc roles and I like it. If my current regimen is working, then let's leave it alone and only make temporary changes when needed. In any case, what works for me may well not work for others.

I think both are true. It feels like a semantics thing. If you're changing things up a few times a year I wouldn't consider that static even though the core of the regimen remains unchanged. I will let him speak for himself, but I took him to mean that the neurochemical makeup shifts from time to time requiring intervention or a change of some kind to then return us to balance. I didn't assume it to mean that couldn't also include situations where people use prn meds and then go back to the cocktail that works for them the majority of the time.

I have a similar deal going on with my pdoc. I don't take anything normally and then go back to a low dose AP when needed until things calm down. That system works for me so far, and I like it a lot. I'm glad you found something similar that works. For me at least, it keeps me from worrying about needing to constantly shift the recipe for success and I take comfort knowing there's always a plan to address temporary blips.

[Asleval]

Took them last night basically got knocked out for 6 hours was surprised that I was not completely out for hours, but 6 hours is better than no hours. So I am not complaining. I do not expect things to immediately improve but I know what I need to do. Thank you all for talking a little sense into me. I am oblivious when I get something in my mind. I just need to accept that I cant just skip out and not listen.