advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
imaginethat
Member
imaginethat frantic
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
5 yr Member
111 hugs
given
Default Oct 19, 2020 at 10:30 PM
  #1
One of my friends has suicidal thoughts. No concrete plans, thank God. I don't know what to say to her, especially since I've felt suicidal many times and know from my experience that nothing people have said made a difference.

I could express to my friend how much I love her and how much she blesses those around her, but does that really do any good? Web articles offer suggestions. I wonder if anyone ever benefits from that advice.

On TV, a woman told her suicidal son that he couldn't go through with it because she and many people love him. I told the woman on TV that it doesn't matter how much her son's family loves him. That simply doesn't matter (at least to me) when you don't want to live.

In my experience, thank God, the passing of time helped me, and pleading with God helped me. If this helps her in the long run, that's great. I'd also like to do something to help her in the short run.
imaginethat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
bpcyclist

advertisement
Crazy Hitch
ɘvlovƎ
 
Crazy Hitch's Avatar
Crazy Hitch When reality sets in
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,527 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
12.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 01:40 AM
  #2
Encourage her to keep talking to you about how she feels. But only if you’re comfortable with her doing so. Make sure she has a safe plan of who to ring / what to do if she’s really bad.
Crazy Hitch is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, imaginethat
 
Thanks for this!
bpcyclist, imaginethat, quietlylost
*Beth*
catches the flowers
*Beth* is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
23.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 03:58 AM
  #3
Do a lot of listening. Let her talk as much as she needs to.

Share your own experience with suicidal thoughts.

__________________




*Beth* is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
bpcyclist, quietlylost
fern46
Grand Magnate
fern46 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 yr Member
4,300 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 05:48 AM
  #4
I think what you've written is worthy of sharing with her. It may help her to know she is not alone in her struggles.

Also, it can sometimes help to just ask 'what do you need?'

Listen.
fern46 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, imaginethat
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, imaginethat, quietlylost
quietlylost
Member
quietlylost has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: Michigan
Posts: 126
3 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 06:45 AM
  #5
I think of this quote a lot.

"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out."

You've been where your friend is. That may allow you to sit where they are and just be with them. It's important to not be judgmental of the struggle and to acknowledge that suicidal thoughts can be valid, but also offer support and comfort to try to get them through the crisis. You can try to help connect them to professional help, and even offer to go with them to an appointment. You can talk about crisis resources, but as others have said you can also help them come up with a crisis or safety plan.

I will say that the time when I was lowest and closest to harming myself in the past few years, a friend approached me and asked, "Are you okay?" That felt really good when they asked, because I wasn't, and I had an opportunity to open up about that.

Whatever you do, make sure you're taking care of yourself too. Working with someone who is suicidal can be exhausting and it can also be triggering. Don't neglect your own mental health and recovery. Good luck!
quietlylost is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, fern46
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, bpcyclist, fern46
fern46
Grand Magnate
fern46 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 yr Member
4,300 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 06:57 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by quietlylost View Post
I think of this quote a lot.

"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out."

You've been where your friend is. That may allow you to sit where they are and just be with them. It's important to not be judgmental of the struggle and to acknowledge that suicidal thoughts can be valid, but also offer support and comfort to try to get them through the crisis. You can try to help connect them to professional help, and even offer to go with them to an appointment. You can talk about crisis resources, but as others have said you can also help them come up with a crisis or safety plan.

I will say that the time when I was lowest and closest to harming myself in the past few years, a friend approached me and asked, "Are you okay?" That felt really good when they asked, because I wasn't, and I had an opportunity to open up about that.

Whatever you do, make sure you're taking care of yourself too. Working with someone who is suicidal can be exhausting and it can also be triggering. Don't neglect your own mental health and recovery. Good luck!
What a beautiful way to put it. Sage.
fern46 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
bpcyclist
Marie123
Veteran Member
Marie123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2011
Posts: 574
10 yr Member
29 hugs
given
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 07:54 AM
  #7
Would she consider seeing a therapist,or calling the suicide hotline? All you can do is listen to her. Has she said she has no plans yet?
Marie123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
bpcyclist
Moose72
Silver Swan
 
Moose72's Avatar
Moose72 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,417 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
2,512 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 08:11 AM
  #8
I agree with writing a suicide action plan- write down several things to do when feeling like that- watch Netflix, phone a friend, etc.

__________________
Wellbutrin XL 300 mg
Caplyta 42 mg
Ingrezza 80 mg
Ativan .5 mg 2x/day
Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day

Mania (December 2023)
Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023)
Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021)
Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021)
Mania (April/May 2019)
Moose72 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
imaginethat
daladico
Member
 
daladico's Avatar
daladico has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: Seattle, wA
Posts: 150
5 yr Member
321 hugs
given
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 08:53 AM
  #9
In general when I’m not doing well, the thing that helps me the most is:
a) simply being present and listening
b) “how can I best support you?”

__________________
Dx:
Bipolar
Anxiety
ADD

Meds:
Risperidone
Tegretol
Abilify
Zoloft
Buspar
Adderall

[prior meds:
lithium,
lamictal,
cymbalta,
ritalin]
daladico is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 11:38 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by fern46 View Post
I think what you've written is worthy of sharing with her. It may help her to know she is not alone in her struggles.

Also, it can sometimes help to just ask 'what do you need?'

Listen.

I do not agree that it is not helpful to know that we are loved.

Sometimes, knowing that even one person genuinely cares, can ... help someone to survive when in severe distress and with su ideation (or possibly even

Possible trigger:


Maybe I misunderstood one of the posts.

It may help her to know she is not alone. A question that might help is to ask her ''how can I help''

Yes, listening is vital.

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
Anonymous32451
Guest
Anonymous32451 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 02:41 PM
  #11
being their is the best you can do for her.

if you are in to that kind of thing, you can pray for her too
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
imaginethat
 
Thanks for this!
imaginethat
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 02:43 PM
  #12
Being There for them... Being Present.

Being authentic.

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
daladico
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, daladico
imaginethat
Member
imaginethat frantic
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
5 yr Member
111 hugs
given
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 06:47 PM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie123 View Post
Would she consider seeing a therapist,or calling the suicide hotline? All you can do is listen to her. Has she said she has no plans yet?
I don't think she has any plans. I have suggested the suicide hotline. They've been really helpful to me in the past.
imaginethat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
imaginethat
Member
imaginethat frantic
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
5 yr Member
111 hugs
given
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 06:51 PM
  #14
Great suggestions. Most of your posts suggest just being there, listening to her. And I like the suggestion of asking "Are you OK". No one has ever asked me that. I can see how it would be comforting. To give an opportunity to talk and to let the person know that you care and you pay attention. That's powerful.
imaginethat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 20, 2020 at 07:41 PM
  #15
Quote:
Originally Posted by imaginethat View Post
Great suggestions. Most of your posts suggest just being there, listening to her. And I like the suggestion of asking "Are you OK". No one has ever asked me that. I can see how it would be comforting. To give an opportunity to talk and to let the person know that you care and you pay attention. That's powerful.
I agree..


__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
imaginethat
Member
imaginethat frantic
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
5 yr Member
111 hugs
given
Default Oct 21, 2020 at 08:57 PM
  #16
I talked to my suicidal friend. She was thinking about doing something unpleasant, which I won't say lest triggers...

We talked for a long time about her feelings. I just listened as you suggested and gave her a big hug. (I'm healthy and didn't worry about getting COVID in this particular instance. Whether that was smart, I'll see.)

She now has the Suicide Hotline number. You can chat with them in addition to calling. Isn't that handy? So if you're on the train and feeling terrible, you can chat instead of calling. Love it. And of course I stressed that she can call me any time day or night. I'd like another person to do this for me someday .
imaginethat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:01 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.