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imaginethat
frantic
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
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#1
One of my friends has suicidal thoughts. No concrete plans, thank God. I don't know what to say to her, especially since I've felt suicidal many times and know from my experience that nothing people have said made a difference.
I could express to my friend how much I love her and how much she blesses those around her, but does that really do any good? Web articles offer suggestions. I wonder if anyone ever benefits from that advice. On TV, a woman told her suicidal son that he couldn't go through with it because she and many people love him. I told the woman on TV that it doesn't matter how much her son's family loves him. That simply doesn't matter (at least to me) when you don't want to live. In my experience, thank God, the passing of time helped me, and pleading with God helped me. If this helps her in the long run, that's great. I'd also like to do something to help her in the short run. |
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bpcyclist
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ɘvlovƎ
Crazy Hitch
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#2
Encourage her to keep talking to you about how she feels. But only if you’re comfortable with her doing so. Make sure she has a safe plan of who to ring / what to do if she’s really bad.
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*Beth*
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#3
Do a lot of listening. Let her talk as much as she needs to.
Share your own experience with suicidal thoughts. __________________ |
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bpcyclist
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fern46
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#4
I think what you've written is worthy of sharing with her. It may help her to know she is not alone in her struggles.
Also, it can sometimes help to just ask 'what do you need?' Listen. |
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, imaginethat
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, imaginethat, quietlylost
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quietlylost
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#5
I think of this quote a lot.
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out." You've been where your friend is. That may allow you to sit where they are and just be with them. It's important to not be judgmental of the struggle and to acknowledge that suicidal thoughts can be valid, but also offer support and comfort to try to get them through the crisis. You can try to help connect them to professional help, and even offer to go with them to an appointment. You can talk about crisis resources, but as others have said you can also help them come up with a crisis or safety plan. I will say that the time when I was lowest and closest to harming myself in the past few years, a friend approached me and asked, "Are you okay?" That felt really good when they asked, because I wasn't, and I had an opportunity to open up about that. Whatever you do, make sure you're taking care of yourself too. Working with someone who is suicidal can be exhausting and it can also be triggering. Don't neglect your own mental health and recovery. Good luck! |
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fern46
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#6
Quote:
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bpcyclist
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Marie123
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#7
Would she consider seeing a therapist,or calling the suicide hotline? All you can do is listen to her. Has she said she has no plans yet?
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Moose72
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#8
I agree with writing a suicide action plan- write down several things to do when feeling like that- watch Netflix, phone a friend, etc.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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imaginethat
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daladico
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#9
In general when I’m not doing well, the thing that helps me the most is:
a) simply being present and listening b) “how can I best support you?” __________________ Dx: Bipolar Anxiety ADD Meds: Risperidone Tegretol Abilify Zoloft Buspar Adderall [prior meds: lithium, lamictal, cymbalta, ritalin] |
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#10
Quote:
I do not agree that it is not helpful to know that we are loved. Sometimes, knowing that even one person genuinely cares, can ... help someone to survive when in severe distress and with su ideation (or possibly even
Possible trigger:
Maybe I misunderstood one of the posts. It may help her to know she is not alone. A question that might help is to ask her ''how can I help'' Yes, listening is vital. __________________ |
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*Beth*
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#11
being their is the best you can do for her.
if you are in to that kind of thing, you can pray for her too |
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imaginethat
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#12
Being There for them... Being Present.
Being authentic. __________________ |
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daladico
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*Beth*, daladico
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Member
imaginethat
frantic
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
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#13
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Member
imaginethat
frantic
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
111 hugs
given |
#14
Great suggestions. Most of your posts suggest just being there, listening to her. And I like the suggestion of asking "Are you OK". No one has ever asked me that. I can see how it would be comforting. To give an opportunity to talk and to let the person know that you care and you pay attention. That's powerful.
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#15
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Member
imaginethat
frantic
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: La la land
Posts: 331
111 hugs
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#16
I talked to my suicidal friend. She was thinking about doing something unpleasant, which I won't say lest triggers...
We talked for a long time about her feelings. I just listened as you suggested and gave her a big hug. (I'm healthy and didn't worry about getting COVID in this particular instance. Whether that was smart, I'll see.) She now has the Suicide Hotline number. You can chat with them in addition to calling. Isn't that handy? So if you're on the train and feeling terrible, you can chat instead of calling. Love it. And of course I stressed that she can call me any time day or night. I'd like another person to do this for me someday . |
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*Beth*
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