I'm doing well. I think i'm getting a small boost in mood. Not enough to call it hypomania yet. But in the last seven days i've bargain grocery shopped and cooked three times. Yesterday i made grilled cheese sandwiches! Today, pancakes! I realize it's simple foods but since i almost never cook, it's great excitement for me. I've been using proper dishes, washing them promptly, drying them and putting them away. I use disposable when i'm depressed, which is most of the time. I'd like to believe that i've turned over a new leaf with the cooking but in my heart i know it's just temporary. My Winter depression is on the way, no doubt. But i will do the best i can for as long as i can!

@Jennifer 1967: Wow, you're really dealing with a lot. You have a lot of responsibilities on top of having bipolar. Your mom setting the fire worries me. Is it time to think of some sort of care home for her? Sending good thoughts your way.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm doing well. I think i'm getting a small boost in mood. Not enough to call it hypomania yet. But in the last seven days i've bargain grocery shopped and cooked three times. Yesterday i made grilled cheese sandwiches! Today, pancakes! I realize it's simple foods but since i almost never cook, it's great excitement for me. I've been using proper dishes, washing them promptly, drying them and putting them away. I use disposable when i'm depressed, which is most of the time. I'd like to believe that i've turned over a new leaf with the cooking but in my heart i know it's just temporary. My Winter depression is on the way, no doubt. But i will do the best i can for as long as i can!

I'm glad you're doing well. That's a great accomplishment! I hope this good mood lasts

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

....

I'm so sorry, wfc. I also have a startle response from past trauma. Sometimes people think it's funny, but it isn't at all.

Be good to yourself, especially at this time

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

I went for a ride today – it was nice weather and I enjoyed the time out of the house. I’ve had kind of a overwhelmed feeling lately and it helps calm me.

You may or may not know what I am talking about, but I won’t give any details in fear of promoting it. Occasionally I browse Facebook with my mom. I don’t use Facebook or have friends there but my mom does and there has been an influx of them all joining a social media that supports conspiracy theories and far-right content. It’s known for its antisemitic content as well. It concerns me a lot that some of my family are part of this group trying to promote and be a part of it. I don’t use a lot of social media so it isn’t much of a real concern for me to see or deal with that content, but I guess the problem has existed well before the platform existed. With or without it, these people are going to believe and share what they want. I guess it’s just a bit scary for me to think people willingly subject themselves to these ideals.

I know it’s really in the grand scheme of things nothing at all to care about – but it’s the underlying things that scare me. Politics are polemic and can be argued, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. Giving a platform for support of hate just seems to contradict the values of human decency and social mores. Misinformation and disinformation is already an issue in itself, and on top of that now we are going to have a platform with growing popularity to demonize entire ethnicities, religions and countries. I’m just sad to see this is still who we are as a nation.

I am sorry for bringing up this topic here, but I do feel it is a major factor in my mental health and has a place to be said here for that reason – let’s not argue politics, I’ve seen enough of that everywhere else and even here. I thought decency and core values were universal but I am seeing there just as divisive and everything else. It’s the epitome of my disillusionment of the fabric of society.

That sounds absolutely horrible. Take heart, though. The dark underbelly of this nation had to be seen so we know what we're dealing with. Now we can start to unify and move forward. I've seen it happen in my lifetime. It will happen again.

[daladico]

Feeling really sad, low energy and motivation, all I want to do is stay in bed past several days. Increased sleep.

Last week had a mild up (super productive for 4 days, increased energy, decreased sleep), then a crash with feeling crazy exhausted, then feeling depressed.

Just messaged pdoc to see if we can go up a bit on mood stabilizer.

Trying to be kind to myself

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

Feeling really sad, low energy and motivation, all I want to do is stay in bed past several days. Increased sleep.

Last week had a mild up (super productive for 4 days, increased energy, decreased sleep), then a crash with feeling crazy exhausted, then feeling depressed.

Just messaged pdoc to see if we can go up a bit on mood stabilizer.

Trying to be kind to myself

I hope the mood stabilizer does the trick.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m super angry right now for no reason. In a lot of pain. Having trouble just ****ing walking. I think I’m done.

Nah, you're not done!

[MuddyBoots]

On the low side. Want to use.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

On the low side. Want to use.

Can you come up with a few reasons you don't want to use?

[Mountaindewed]

I saw the gynecologist and of course it was super awkward. She says I probably have a yeast infection and then she found an ulcer and she took a couple samples of it which hurt like hell. So now I’m at home just trying to deal with the physical pain and also the uncomfortableness of going to the doctor in general. My mom said on the way to the car “I am so glad you know your body and you know when something isn’t right.” But I have therapy in a couple hours so hopefully my pain is better by then.

EDIT: The doctor called 10 minutes ago and said she was looking through my charts and asked if I ever had an actual exam and said I should have one even though I’m transitioning. And she also said if I haven’t gotten my period in 6 months I should also have an ultrasound. And if the ultrasound shows thickening of my uterus they may be able to approve a hysterectomy.

So that’s good news. I’m going to set the exam and ultrasound up for December.

[*Beth*]

Appointment with my GP today. Nothing outstanding, just getting vitals checked and I'm going to ask her for some blood work, since I haven't had any for over a year.

I'm anxious, though, because I'm not comfortable with her. She's mostly friendly, but does not understand psych meds at all. She acts like I'm taking meds because I think it's a fun thing to do, not because I really need them. Her attitude is not validating. I would so like to change my GP, but I'm stuck with her because my mental health providers are in the same clinic.

It's a beautiful fall day! I have a degree of depression going on, not too bad, but just slightly there. And I was supposed to use the light box this morning, but totally forgot.

[Daonnachd]

A friend asked to borrow $40US today but I had to tell him no because we have nothing in our bank accounts. I guess I'm not going grocery shopping.

[wildflowerchild25]

I talked to my therapist today. She made me realize that my previous depressive episode in April was related to realizing my first marriage was abusive. It might have been intensified by the pandemic, but likely spending so much time at home without distractions of work and going out led the memories to take first place in my mind. That would be supported by my ongoing concentration and time distortion issues I’ve been having.

The particular issue that was triggered by my son’s newborn photos has just thrust that particular horrifying incident into the forefront of my mind. My whole world has literally crumbled. To think someone who professed to love me could do that to me is just irreconcilable in my mind right now.

I didn’t speak of the incident to her because I just can’t say the words aloud right now but she gave me some suggestions. I told her deep breathing and meditation were useless for me because they freak me out too much. She explained that if my trauma involved my body, putting too much attention on my body could be more stressful, not less. So I must look around and try other things. She also encouraged me to find a hobby. I’ve only ever had two hobbies: sewing and beading. I can’t sew anymore (no room for a machine) but all my beads are still safely in my attic. I haven’t touched them for 13 years and I wanted to give them away but never had someone to give them to.

So I think I will take them out and see if I can maybe get into it again. Beading is something I did just for me when I was a teenager. No one else was involved. It was mine before I even met my husband, and only fell away after we were together. It might help me reconnect to a past without him. Even though that time in my life was a **** show too, it was because of bipolar, which I’ve basically gotten control of.

I’m off to the craft store in a few days to purchase some tools that have gone missing, beading thread, and clasps.

Today got off to a good start with discovering that i really like the newest album by my favorite musician that i've had for a year but dismissed. There's even a song in French on there! He even mentions Ketamine. He's got bipolar too. I had a nice time.

Then i took my dog to the vet. My neighbor drove us and i worry she is getting too old to drive. I didn't feel 100% safe. And she made it clear that she's driving us out of care for my dog, not me. That hurt my feelings.

Then i got some paperwork from the bank that i thought would answer some questions but it only raised more. Then i got a notice that building staff are coming to install our a/c covers tomorrow and my rage at the new $50 charge this year was re-awakened. Finally, i have to go for meds tomorrow and it will probably be around $150 and i'm trying to save money so heavy sigh.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by WildcatVet

Awake at 4:00am today, fed all the pets, fed the chickens and cleaned their coop, dusted and vacuumed, washed up last night's dishes. Now on to laundry. A bit manic today???

You just got some things done, sounds like a good day! hope you sleep tonight!

[*Beth*]

wildflowerchild I'm so excited for you, getting back into beading! I'm always doing some craft something, but to this day the most rewarding one was when I was doing bead work years ago. Oh, I have such wonderful memories of shopping in the bead stores and coming up with projects. Terrific fun! I hope it brings you pleasure.

It will be interesting for you, I think, to feel yourself as the person you are now, as opposed to who you were back then.

[bizi]

Jenn, you have wayyy too much on your plate.any chance you could get others to help give you a break?
(((((HUGS))))

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Appointment with my GP today. Nothing outstanding, just getting vitals checked and I'm going to ask her for some blood work, since I haven't had any for over a year.

I'm anxious, though, because I'm not comfortable with her. She's mostly friendly, but does not understand psych meds at all. She acts like I'm taking meds because I think it's a fun thing to do, not because I really need them. Her attitude is not validating. I would so like to change my GP, but I'm stuck with her because my mental health providers are in the same clinic.

It's a beautiful fall day! I have a degree of depression going on, not too bad, but just slightly there. And I was supposed to use the light box this morning, but totally forgot.

I hope your GP appointment goes well, BethRags.

You know, I have experienced something similar with my gynecologist. It used to bother me that she always seemed to think my psychiatrist wasn't doing the right thing for my bipolar disorder. It seemed that she believed he should have known the exact medications that would quickly "fix" my bipolar disorder and take away all symptoms long-term. But we know that's not so very easy. Truth is, my psychiatrist has done a great job.

I once went to a dietitian a long while back that seemed to judge my psychiatrist in a similar way as my gynecologist. She was the type that thought I was on way too many medications and that the right diet would solve all of my problems. Good grief!

I think the topic of neurologists also came up once here at PC. It seems that neurologists and psychiatrists sometimes clash when it comes to what they think the situation is.

[Soupe du jour]

Well, my house is officially on the market. It is already shown on numerous real estate websites. We are also set up on a scheduling site and five showings are on the calendar.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I hope your GP appointment goes well, BethRags.

You know, I have experienced something similar with my gynecologist. It used to bother me that she always seemed to think my psychiatrist wasn't doing the right thing for my bipolar disorder. It seemed that she believed he should have known the exact medications that would quickly "fix" my bipolar disorder and take away all symptoms long-term. But we know that's not so very easy. Truth is, my psychiatrist has done a great job.

I once went to a dietitian a long while back that seemed to judge my psychiatrist in a similar way as my gynecologist. She was the type that thought I was on way too many medications and that the right diet would solve all of my problems. Good grief!

I think the topic of neurologists also came up once here at PC. It seems that neurologists and psychiatrists sometimes clash when it comes to what they think the situation is.

Yes, it's really annoying when medical professionals, especially those who are not nearly as educated and experienced as a pdoc is, make assumptions about psych meds.

In my experience, many neurologists are in competition with psychiatrists. The mental illness stigma within the medical community is shocking to me.

Good luck on getting your house listed! The hard work you've put in is amazing!