@Moose72: Your home looks very festive and the blanket is lovely!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Honestly I guess everything I’ve been doing revolves back to food and weight loss. I take myself off meds because they cause increased hunger. I take my meds at different times to avoid hunger. I use melatonin and cough syrup so I can sleep through my hunger. Weight loss food is obviously because I’m trying to lose weight. I guess everything I do goes back to food and weight loss some way.

I very much understand . Have you mentioned this, even just a little bit, to your mental health team?

[*Beth*]

Hey Moose, your home looks so happy! A lot of love shows. Thanks for the pics

Another day that seems better spent not getting about of bed.

[bpcyclist]

Amazing and long day of hiking with daladico. Pictures tomorrow. Hugs.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@Moose72: Your home looks very festive and the blanket is lovely!

I second this!

[bpcyclist]

I have hiked from the West Bank to Thailand. This was the prettiest hike I have ever been on. More tomorrow.

God was with us. Look at the light streaming through th trees. Him. Watching over us. So special. I love daladico so much. Like a daughter to me. Love and hugs.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

BPcyclist, those are amazing. The 3rd one down reminds me of those nature wallpapers that were common in basement rec rooms in the 80s.

thanks for sharing Glad you had a good day

[*Beth*]

cyclist, thanks for those magnificent photos! WOW! Beautiful land, beautiful souls.

It was a rainy day so i just relaxed inside. I got to some quick housework early on but then just took it easy. I'm looking at a COVID Christmas alone but i'm not too worried. I've spent the last twenty-two Christmases alone. It's just another day to me. I just think of how lucky i am to miss all the family squabbles. Sound like people who have family just end up annoyed with them.

It's been a while since i talked to anyone, had a conversation. I wonder if i remember how to?

I got my second-highest play of all time in Scrabble today and it was the same word as my highest! ANTIQUES for 200! What are the odds? I don't even like antiques!

@bpcyclist: Those are some great pictures! How fit and healthy the two of you look! Thanks for sharing!

Hugs to all who struggle!

[bpcyclist]

I love you. Do not give up. pM me, please.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I very much understand . Have you mentioned this, even just a little bit, to your mental health team?

They know a bit. They know I don’t always eat a lot and my therapist does mention eating disorders sometimes. They don’t know how extreme it’s gotten though. I did talk to my mom last night and I told her everything and she wants me to see my therapist every week to discuss these things.

[Soupe du jour]

Bpcyclist, such beautiful photographs. Thanks for sharing! It was so sweet that you and dalico met and enjoyed such a lovely hike together. I'm a little jealous

Moose, your apartment looks so festive with the lights. Mine are all packed already. I am hoping my sister-in-law decorates. We will likely be at her house for Christmas. The blanket is also nice. Do you know how to knit/crochet, too?

[Soupe du jour]

Today we go to Philly for my husband's regular eye appointment. At least it shouldn't be raining. Last time it was a downpour. When we get home, we need to finish some house prep for the potential buyer's inspection.

My nephew referred us to his psychology professor in Brno, Czech Republic. She has been extremely helpful finding recommendations for me for English speaking psychiatrists and a therapist that accept public insurance, in Brno. I told Hubby that we should send her a thank you note and maybe some flowers after our arrival and everything is set.

[daladico]

Yesterday really was an incredible day. @bpc you truly are one of a kind - in the best way - and I am so grateful to have you as my friend!!!

We dream of meeting more of our pc family one day!! We have so much love and deep respect for each of you. What incredible people we have here. Big hugs <3

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve been sick since Sunday. Headache, slight nausea, fatigue. No fever or respiratory symptoms so I haven’t gone for a covid test. I did call out yesterday just because if it is something contagious or god forbid a mild form a covid I wouldn’t want to spread it. I asked for my boss to call me back to tell me if he wanted me to come in today if I felt better. Well, I do feel better so I went to work and still got kicked out lol. The school nurse called the covid liaison and she said I had to be symptom free for 24 hours before I could come back. I went to bed last night feeling a little better but not much so that’s not enough.

I’m upset only because I once again have no PTO since I earn so little every two weeks. So I won’t be getting paid fir like 2.5 days right with Christmas coming up! Just fantastic. Well I honestly wasn’t planning on buying anything for my uncle’s family. And probably not even my mom because she’s a hoarder and I’m tired of helping her add to her hoard. She even hoards food (like canned goods and bottled water) so even a grocery store gift card will add to the mess. I think I’m just going to get her a box of chocolate and call it a day. Everyone else will just have to get a small gift card with an apology lol.

[Gabyunbound]

So I went back to my mom's yesterday because of an appt I had to take my mother to and because the Hospice nurse was coming to do the admission.

The admission visit took about 3 hours.

While the discharge coordinator at the hospital said that they were basing her admission into hospice on her diagnoses, the Hospice nurse said that 2 physicians had certified that she had no more than 6 months to live. My mother was, of course, horrified and also blindsided.

I did not and have not let sink in her expected life span. I have just been focused on all of the work and details to be taken care of regarding her continued care (appointment with Urologist yesterday and appointment with GI doctor coming up), organizing her meds, getting calls from everyone on the Hospice team...Just everything.

And my mother is lashing out at me. Has off and on for some time, but now it is relentless. It is so so hard to take... I know I shouldn't take it personally, but it hurts so bad. She's lost all control of her life and her body and needs to lash out at someone. She loves the particular care giver who was with her yesterday. She was super nice to her, a stranger (and she's new) and awful to me, her own daughter, who's been caring for her for years. It hurts so bad. I need to learn not to take it personally.

At some point, when the Hospice admissions nurse was there, after some 2 hours, after my mother lashed out at me for the inth time, I announced I needed to take a break, and went to another room. After some time, the nurse came and found me and comforted me, I cried, and explained why my mother is behaving the way she is. It was very kind of her, and she knows what she's talking about...

I will still need to coordinate her care to some extent, but the Hospice team will now be helping. A nurse will be coming every week to check on her. The admissions nurse said that myself or my brother should be there for each of those visits. That's hard when you work! I've already taken 3 days off of work this week. But hopefully my brother and I can take turns.

Some 4 years ago, when I moved to the same state where my brother and my mother live, my brother said he was 'bowing out' of her care. That's when I took over, and since then she has declined a great deal. But he has finally stepped up to the plate. I spoke with my cousin last night, told he and his family how surprised I was, and they said it was probably his wife (who's a lovely, lovely human being) who pushed him into it. But whatever the reason, he has stepped up and then some.

The cottage he's building on his land for her won't be ready for some 3 months. So he's going to put her in his oldest son's room, his son goes into the guest room, he's blowing out a wall to put in an accessible bathroom (she's only been doing sponge-baths for months, but the Hospice CNA, who will come in 3 days a week, will be able to carry her into the tub and truly bathe her and wash her hair). Anyway, that construction work should be done by Christmas. As I've said before, that means she will be 30 mins away from me, instead of 1.5 hours away from me, and I will be able to visit her much more often, including on about 2 weekdays, given my schedule, which is different every day.

Yesterday, when I went there to take my mom to her Urology appt and be there for the Hospice nurse, I brought my pill organizer and PRN's just in case something happened and I'd need to spend the night. I'm going to do this from now on, as long as she lives where she is now. I just cannot be without my meds.

Thanks to all who have read this long missive. And thank you for the support I have received here. It means a lot.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel pretty good today mental health wise. I swear my therapist is a lot of my problem. Although the unhealthy behaviors are totally on me. The Irish cream cold brews are back at Starbucks. So I got one since they kept selling out last year. I didn’t realize they were out until I checked the Starbucks website. I had already had a can of iced coffee at 1:30 this morning and then I had a slim fast for breakfast. After the trenta cold brew I ended up having a ton of diarrhea. I haven’t had any water today so now I’m probably pretty dehydrated. This is the kind of stuff I’m going to get in trouble for.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

So I went back to my mom's yesterday because of an appt I had to take my mother to and because the Hospice nurse was coming to do the admission.

Thanks to all who have read this long missive. And thank you for the support I have received here. It means a lot.

It’s great that your brother stepped up to the plate. Continued thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

It was a rainy day so i just relaxed inside. I got to some quick housework early on but then just took it easy. I'm looking at a COVID Christmas alone but i'm not too worried. I've spent the last twenty-two Christmases alone. It's just another day to me. I just think of how lucky i am to miss all the family squabbles. Sound like people who have family just end up annoyed with them.

It's been a while since i talked to anyone, had a conversation. I wonder if i remember how to?

I got my second-highest play of all time in Scrabble today and it was the same word as my highest! ANTIQUES for 200! What are the odds? I don't even like antiques!

@bpcyclist: Those are some great pictures! How fit and healthy the two of you look! Thanks for sharing!

Hugs to all who struggle!

Congrats on the Scrabble! Sounds fun.

I'll be alone on Christmas, too. Since my kids left home I'm almost always alone on Christmas. The solitude holidays are wonderful. I take a break from any chores that aren't absolutely necessary, watch movies, read, check in here, just enjoy the day.