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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,903
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#401
I'm just done, I don't want to fight anymore, not with ED, not with bp, not with psychosis. I'm just done I want to just sit down and cry but I can't. How can I think it was okay to pass this on. My H made a comment about one of my psychotic episodes. I'll I want to do is purge. get my meds out of my system. It's just a really bad head space day for me.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Daonnachd, Mountaindewed, NaoSky, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, wildflowerchild25
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bpcyclist
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,433
11 9,557 hugs
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#402
Quote:
__________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
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#403
Well, I did end up cracking and my mental health and confidence took big hits. That’s unfortunate because I need to be strong mentally going into winter. My confidence took a hit because my daughter pointed out a limiting belief I have that if I just try harder or work harder, I can do it all. To release that belief terrified me. I can’t work hard enough to make it magically ok. That shook me.
After this dark night of the soul, I believe I will come out stronger, with more realistic expectations, more confidence and a modicum of peace. It’s just making it through the discomfort and terror. Hugs to all. |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Daonnachd, Innerzone, lightly toasted, Polibeth, Soupe du jour, wildflowerchild25
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bpcyclist, lightly toasted
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#404
Quote:
Yep, and we're not alone. I worked in a cafe for 15 years and when the green tea craze hit so many people were buying green teas. Every now and then someone would tell me they'd gotten sick from the tea. Apparently there's something in it that just doesn't sit well with some of us. Weird, huh?! __________________ |
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#405
Quote:
That's a big realization, Jennifer! __________________ |
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bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,226
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#406
This is not my week. Tonight is one of the nights I take care of "Mark", my dying family member, and part of that is walking his dog. I was doing that when I fell and sprained an ankle I've had major surgery on because prior sprains had done so much damage to tendons and ligaments and my opposite kneecap is black and blue and hurts more than the sprain.
The dog was so good and didn't run and was patient as we limped home very slowly. I need to get her a treat. I'm finally home after a painful drive home (pushing on the gas with the bruised knee hurt a lot) and I have my ankle in the boot I wore after my surgery. I'm glad I kept it. I need to get ice on but I'm resting before I get up and move around more. Tomorrow I"ll go to urgent care for xrays. I may need to go back to the ortho who did my ankle surgery but that's a scary prospect as the surgery was intense and recovery included 6 weeks of reclined bed rest, 10 weeks in casts, 12 weeks in the boot, 12 weeks in a brace and 24 weeks of PT. I don't want to ever do that again. This is just not my week. I've spent days waiting for resolution on the breast abnormalities/need for the breast surgeon appointment and now I've made my one favorite thing a day, walking the dogs, impossible for some time. And I'm fairly sure I've added PT to my unwanted medical bills. AND I have to go to urgent care which is undoubtedly germy. This just feels unreal. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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*Beth*, Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Daonnachd, Innerzone, lightly toasted, Nammu, Polibeth, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#407
Quote:
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Soupe du jour
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#408
Quote:
You will push through this, Jennifer. I believe in you!!!! __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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Sunflower123
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#409
Think I am gonna buy the house I rode by today. In the hills. Killer mountain and city views. Stunning. Ptetty sure I have decided to just wire them the cash and be done with all these real estate people hassling me all the time. Yay! Done!
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#410
Quote:
Oh, Rainbow. I feel so bad that you fell and that this week is being so harsh for you. Falling is so scary and dangerous. I hope you heal quickly and entirely. I'm sending you love and a big . __________________ |
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Soupe du jour
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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4 23.7k hugs
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#411
Quote:
Sounds like a gorgeous view. It's good to see you, cyclist. __________________ |
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,903
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11 5,429 hugs
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#412
What happened. Hugs and limitless love. What should we do for you?
Possible trigger:
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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bpcyclist
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,468
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#413
Watching tv. I think I need to lose more weight. I've been stuck at this plateau for months. Supposed to snow an inch an a half tomorrow. No big deal, but I will have to brush off my car, if I go anywhere. I need to do laundry again. I feel like I just did laundry less than a week ago. Now it's getting toward bedtime and I need to not stay up late tonight like I did last night. I slept until 3 this afternoon so there's that- I hope I get tired relatively soon. N3 woke me up by calling me around 8:30 this morning and I definitely wasn't ready to get up yet so I said I'd call back but by the time I did, he was busy. Read an article from the NY Times that said that we should do covid tests that measure how much viral load there is rather than what we do now which is a yes or no answer. Like a pregnancy test that says "yes" or "no" at home and a blood test that can tell you yes or no but also HOW far along you are. That way people won't get as many false positives. Going to read the rest of "Madness" tonight before bed, I think. I'm really close to finishing it. Bewitched is on. One of the later ones in color and they went back in time.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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*Beth*, Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Daonnachd, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,468
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16 2,545 hugs
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#414
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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bpcyclist, Victoria'smom
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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4 40.2k hugs
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#415
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*, Fuzzybear, Soupe du jour
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*Beth*
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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4 40.2k hugs
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#416
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Victoria'smom
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,903
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11 5,429 hugs
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#417
I pm'd
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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#418
My depression is bothering me today but we're getting a pile of snow tomorrow so that's something to look forward to. It starts with flurries at 3:00pm. Should be pretty.
@BeyondtheRainbow: So sorry to hear that you fell and injured yourself. That's the last thing you need on top of a cancer scare. Will send more thoughts and prayers. Hugs to all who struggle! |
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*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, bpcyclist, Innerzone, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, bpcyclist
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,129
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#419
I had a
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__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Victoria'smom
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,903
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11 5,429 hugs
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#420
Mountaindewed please call someone. It sounds like your meds are wearing off to early. I'm not allowed around medication because I have a similar problem to you could you put in a safety net like that?
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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