[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Sapien

It’s raining HARD today and I’m loving it. A few snowflakes mixed in too. I wonder if it’s all snow up the mountain. I’m being productive too, I remembered to eat, did laundry, and took a shower. Having some eggnog coffee right now. Got free eggnog because I’m supposed to be working for a farm right now and they had lots of extra. Like there are over6 gallons of milk, chocolate milk, and eggnog in my fridge.

I need to get myself to an eye doctor at some point. I haven’t had a check up in over five years, but also my vision has gotten quite blurry even with my glasses on (I’m horrible about wearing them) especially since they upped my cogentin. I will mention this to the nurse next week too.

Also quite happy today because I fell asleep last night without temazepam or tylenol PM or similar. Good feeling.

I don’t really know what I’m going to do today. My knee doesn’t hurt anymore but it feels kinda weak. My back screams at me when I sit down for more than 5 minutes still. I’m starting to wonder if its from scoliosis. 10 years ago they measured a 38 degree curve in my spine. I don’t know why the pain would all of a sudden start now though. It does hurt in that area.

Hugs to all

Ooh eggnog coffee sounds great! I love eggnog but haven't had it in coffee before. I'm getting some next time I go grocery shopping so maybe then I'll try it out. The snow/rain sounds great. I love snow and also rain. I hope you find some relief to your back pain

[Soupe du jour]

Sending hugs and good wishes to all struggling with growing depression. As for family issues, I sadly know how they can be. @Gabyunbound, I hope that your mother settles well at your brother's and will have some lifted spirits having both of you so close by.

Today is a lovely day in my neck of the woods. This morning, Hubby and I went to Ski Barn to buy him new ski boots. He already bought new skis, which will be my Christmas present to him. He's quite excited about having new ski equipment! When we move to Europe, skiing will be much more frequent than it has been living in the US. I don't really know how to do downhill skiing, but I enjoy sitting in the lodges, and sometimes trying cross country skiing. Or, he can just go with his friend(s), sister, and/or nephews, who all ski very well. The closest really nice ski resorts to where we'll live are about 3 hours (or just under) away by car in Austria or Slovakia.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist a little while ago. He was impressed how many offers we got on our house, and that the accepted offer was so much above our listing price. We talked to our neighbor earlier today, and she was excited by our news, as well. She said she wants to move perhaps next year. Our house fetching good money is good news also for her.

My psychiatrist told me to keep my Seroquel XR dose the same, despite me telling him that I've been getting tired earlier in the day (though not during the day). I was a little disappointed that he remembered the dose was supposed to be 700 mg. Usually I have to remind him. Why I'm disappointed is because over a week ago, I realized that I only put 650 mg in my evening pill box. When I realized it, I thought "Umm, should I add the extra 50 mg?" But I decided not to. So, I am being a bad girl and only taking 650 mg. After today, I certainly won't decrease it any further, despite the evening tiredness, but I was hoping he'd have decreased to 650 mg so that I would not be naughty anymore. Me bad!

My psychiatrist has often been prone to "wet blanketry" (yea, my own word). Today I was sort of bragging how well I've been handling all of the stress these past few months. I did finish my proud declaration saying that I knew I had challenges ahead. In his usual fashion, he super emphasized that challenge.

[*Beth*]

Soupe, don't you know they only remember your med dose when you've been naughty?

[Mountaindewed]

I was kinda off today physically. I mean what else is new. I felt like throwing up, my appetite was way down, it looked really weird when I went to the bathroom (sorry tmi) just the same as usual. But I noticed this bulge on my upper abdomen and it’s been bugging me today. I dunno if it’s caused by stress or what. But maybe I can finally get the willpower to ditch my therapist. If I’m getting so stressed out that I’m getting a hernia or something because I am so stressed out by her then it’s time to end things.

The other night after I had taken cough syrup and when I was really struggling I said “give me a sign on what to do.” I’m not a big believer, but I just need a way out of this situation with her.

Even my mom is like “yeah I think she’s the issue too.”

[Soupe du jour]

Unfortunately, the potential buyer of our house, whose offer we accepted, is playing unreasonable games with us. If he demands the sudden unreasonable request he just had added to the contract, it will be a no-go with him. Then we will have to see if the potential buyer who gave the next best offer is still available, or any of the others. I thought it was too good to be true! I mean, I expected some back and forth, but not the kind that would equal us having to pay big money again. If this does fall through, I want the issue marked as an "as is". It pertains to our windows, most all of which we had glass replacements for recently. What the bugger wants now (suddenly) is total window replacements. Do you know how much total window replacements would cost for our house? About $25,000 to $40,000 and up. Up, especially if a buyer demanded we totally replace our newly fixed garden window and deck slider, as well. That dude can go blow, if that's what he continues to demand!

I'm glad I took an Ativan!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Sending hugs and good wishes to all struggling with growing depression. As for family issues, I sadly know how they can be. @Gabyunbound, I hope that your mother settles well at your brother's and will have some lifted spirits having both of you so close by.

Today is a lovely day in my neck of the woods. This morning, Hubby and I went to Ski Barn to buy him new ski boots. He already bought new skis, which will be my Christmas present to him. He's quite excited about having new ski equipment! When we move to Europe, skiing will be much more frequent than it has been living in the US. I don't really know how to do downhill skiing, but I enjoy sitting in the lodges, and sometimes trying cross country skiing. Or, he can just go with his friend(s), sister, and/or nephews, who all ski very well. The closest really nice ski resorts to where we'll live are about 3 hours (or just under) away by car in Austria or Slovakia.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist a little while ago. He was impressed how many offers we got on our house, and that the accepted offer was so much above our listing price. We talked to our neighbor earlier today, and she was excited by our news, as well. She said she wants to move perhaps next year. Our house fetching good money is good news also for her.

My psychiatrist told me to keep my Seroquel XR dose the same, despite me telling him that I've been getting tired earlier in the day (though not during the day). I was a little disappointed that he remembered the dose was supposed to be 700 mg. Usually I have to remind him. Why I'm disappointed is because over a week ago, I realized that I only put 650 mg in my evening pill box. When I realized it, I thought "Umm, should I add the extra 50 mg?" But I decided not to. So, I am being a bad girl and only taking 650 mg. After today, I certainly won't decrease it any further, despite the evening tiredness, but I was hoping he'd have decreased to 650 mg so that I would not be naughty anymore. Me bad!

My psychiatrist has often been prone to "wet blanketry" (yea, my own word). Today I was sort of bragging how well I've been handling all of the stress these past few months. I did finish my proud declaration saying that I knew I had challenges ahead. In his usual fashion, he super emphasized that challenge.

I did this today w my best friend. He calmly replied that I just almost jumped. He said he loved me.

[Moose72]

Washed my sheets today. Also took a shower. It's going to be a good night! I also washed all my masks- they are hanging to dry in the closet. I hope they dry overnight- either that or I can't go anywhere until they do. I also went to the grocery store and got a few things, including body wash, but I'm going to have to return it because it was open when I got it home. Meh. The lines were long today. I hope they are a little shorter tomorrow. They gave G a second 72-hour hold. Seems he's not doing any better. He called home many times yesterday sobbing that the people there are scary. They say he's still a danger to himself. Tomorrow, I should vacuum and mop again. I did water the tree yesterday. And I got most things on my list for today done.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Soupe, don't you know they only remember your med dose when you've been naughty?

Oh, Bether. You just tickle my heart.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I did this today w my best friend. He calmly replied that I just almost jumped. He said he loved me.

I believe that your friend does love you. And it is true, dear @bpcyclist, that you very recently were in a major crisis. And are still only in a healing phase, perhaps still weakened a bit, and vulnerable.

I have certainly sensed, as well as one can sense when only reading posts, that your mood has lifted in significant ways. However, I do doubt you are in a ready position to make major changes in life. Wasn't it only a few days ago that you mentioned wanting to move to NYC? That idea seemed more than a little concerning in its impulsivity. Then you were looking at a new house?!?! Again, quite extreme impulsivity. I'm not saying that such major moves and excitement aren't in your future, but they would be shocking done at this soon of a juncture.

I adore my psychiatrist and know he cares greatly for me. I can make fun of him being a wet blanket a lot, but I know that much of it (maybe not always, but quite usually) is him giving me a reality check. Him asking me to slow down and not put myself at risk, or get so wound up in something that I can't handle next steps carefully, and thoughtfully....and could crash and burn, severely.

The fact is, my husband and I WILL be moving to Czech Republic. We have been planning for this for a long time. I think the first time I mentioned possibly moving to Europe was about four years ago. Do you know what my psychiatrist said four years ago? Or rather yelled?

"DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!"

The fact was, that at that time, I would have been putting myself at severe risk, if I moved then. The fact is also that he has great fear of what my upcoming challenges will do to me, even AFTER MUCH preparation and a good amount of time STABLE...something you don't yet have, my friend.

My psychiatrist has always been a fatherly figure to me. In fact, a more loving, caring, giving type of father than my actual father. There is certainly a bit of him not wanting his patient "child" to fly the coop. He's protective. Likely overprotective. I also assume with me far, far, far away from him soon, that that makes him worry even more. I understand that. I'm also certain that if my mental health does deteriorate soon after my move, I will wish I had my sweet psychiatrist again, because he's comfortable for me. I feel safe with him. But the time has come for me to make the leap. I know I must soon gather a support system where I'm going. A new psychiatrist and new therapist. Also still keep in touch with my current one (via video session) in the beginning. Lean on my husband's close family, who are wonderful people. Frankly, even more supportive than not only my real father, but my siblings. We have many friends in Czech Republic. We have few to none left in NJ. The really good one we have in NJ travels to where we'll live in Brno, Czech Republic once per month. He will even stay with us several weeks out of a year.

There is part of me that is now, and will always be, a bit like a weak chick. Sometimes I need a hard shell for protection, other times I need a birdy mama to look after me. But when I'm ready and able, I want to fly...and on my own. But I have to be ready. I have to do so when the time truly is right, or within protected skies.

Other than my psychiatrist here in NJ, I have mostly only my husband. Perhaps I can say that I'm reaching across the seas for more hands to hold. The financial security and Czech healthcare system, also represent hands for me to hold. And also, the added benefit of a new start. Away with bad memories, hello to new ones.

But yes, there will be great challenges! My Czech language skills are poor. I'm a 49 year old woman, whose been battling a major mental illness for years. My recovery depended on slow and easy steps forward. Not leaps. The move is a leap, but I depend on a thick cushion being ready for me.

And realistic notions.

Many upcoming days in Brno, Czech Republic will be difficult. It's a different culture, for sure. Things that used to be easy, requiring little thinking, will seem like mountains to climb. [How the hell do I ask 'this' or 'that'? People will start speaking to me in Czech, quickly, and I'll panic or feel bad having to say, in Czech, 'I don't understand enough Czech. I'm sorry.'] There could be xenophobic reactions from some, particularly elderly Czechs. That's something I have never really experienced in my home country. I'll be driving and maybe not quite understand all of the traffic rules quite yet.

You know, it was only a few months ago that I pumped gas in a car for the first time? It was in Czech Republic. My Czech nephew showed me how. He then told me that I then had to go into the shop and tell them the pump number, and pay the amount. I need to know how to say this stuff. Surprised I never pumped gas before? Well, I am a New Jerseyan. In NJ there are no self-service gas stations, and I somehow managed to avoid having to do it in others states, including Pennsylvania, which was walking-distance (across the river) from my childhood home.

So, I must remind myself to take small steps. Prepare myself for possible scary situations with a game plan. Be patient with myself and understanding of others. Not totally avoid the new world. Admit when I'm incapable, but not label myself permanently or completely so. Dip my foot again in the pools, then later put in a full leg, etc. Breathe. Close my eyes while doing it, if needed. Then open them, slowly, again. Smile and say either "I'll try again tomorrow." Or, it's not going to be nearly as bad as it seems, with time. Patience. Slow and steady determination.

[Moose72]

Yesterday This is N3 singing with the boy choir at age 8. This was a rehearsal- you can hear the director. All the pix are of my kids when they were young. This really *is* "yesterday"! Makes me cry when I watch this video.

[Victoria'smom]

So no meds again tonight. They have to order them, grrr, 5 days wasn't long enough for them. I don't know why I care.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Yesterday This is N3 singing with the boy choir at age 8. This was a rehearsal- you can hear the director. All the pix are of my kids when they were young. This really *is* "yesterday"! Makes me cry when I watch this video.

They were adorable! I'm sure they still are today.

[Coolbreeze74]

My son is struggling again. Hes in the middle of getting a new pdoc. His pdoc is leaving the agency. So I don't know what to do. I think he needs a higher dose of the injection.

I'm still doing quite well. No panic attacks. But I get really anxious when its about time to take my meds. I'm dreading having panic attacks again.

We are not going to my sisters house for Thanksgiving bc of covid. I'm going to make steaks, sauteed mushrooms and mashed potatoes. My sister is still giving us Turkey dinner leftovers. I would do a Turkey with sides but my back would hurt to much to make it. My favorite dinner is Thanksgiving, so I'm glad shes giving us leftovers.

Not much else going on.

I hope everyone is having a good day. Hugs to those struggling!

The stories of Christmas charity on the news tonight were heart-warming. Also welcome was news of a third vaccine, more sturdy than the first two. It's from our old pal Astrazeneca! Let's hope 2021 is the year of vaccines! It can't come too soon for me as i'm feeling even more poorly than usual and am considering a COVID test.

@Soupe du jour: It's nice to hear you sounding so realistic yet positive about your plans. You're quite a lady and if anyone can pull it off, you can!

Hugs to all who struggle!

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

The stories of Christmas charity on the news tonight were heart-warming. Also welcome was news of a third vaccine, more sturdy than the first two. It's from our old pal Astrazeneca! Let's hope 2021 is the year of vaccines! It can't come too soon for me as i'm feeling even more poorly than usual and am considering a COVID test.

@Soupe du jour: It's nice to hear you sounding so realistic yet positive about your plans. You're quite a lady and if anyone can pull it off, you can!

Hugs to all who struggle!

Oh no. I hope you don't have it. Take good care of yourself.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I believe that your friend does love you. And it is true, dear @bpcyclist, that you very recently were in a major crisis. And are still only in a healing phase, perhaps still weakened a bit, and vulnerable.

I have certainly sensed, as well as one can sense when only reading posts, that your mood has lifted in significant ways. However, I do doubt you are in a ready position to make major changes in life. Wasn't it only a few days ago that you mentioned wanting to move to NYC? That idea seemed more than a little concerning in its impulsivity. Then you were looking at a new house?!?! Again, quite extreme impulsivity. I'm not saying that such major moves and excitement aren't in your future, but they would be shocking done at this soon of a juncture.

I adore my psychiatrist and know he cares greatly for me. I can make fun of him being a wet blanket a lot, but I know that much of it (maybe not always, but quite usually) is him giving me a reality check. Him asking me to slow down and not put myself at risk, or get so wound up in something that I can't handle next steps carefully, and thoughtfully....and could crash and burn, severely.

The fact is, my husband and I WILL be moving to Czech Republic. We have been planning for this for a long time. I think the first time I mentioned possibly moving to Europe was about four years ago. Do you know what my psychiatrist said four years ago? Or rather yelled?

"DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!"

The fact was, that at that time, I would have been putting myself at severe risk, if I moved then. The fact is also that he has great fear of what my upcoming challenges will do to me, even AFTER MUCH preparation and a good amount of time STABLE...something you don't yet have, my friend.

My psychiatrist has always been a fatherly figure to me. In fact, a more loving, caring, giving type of father than my actual father. There is certainly a bit of him not wanting his patient "child" to fly the coop. He's protective. Likely overprotective. I also assume with me far, far, far away from him soon, that that makes him worry even more. I understand that. I'm also certain that if my mental health does deteriorate soon after my move, I will wish I had my sweet psychiatrist again, because he's comfortable for me. I feel safe with him. But the time has come for me to make the leap. I know I must soon gather a support system where I'm going. A new psychiatrist and new therapist. Also still keep in touch with my current one (via video session) in the beginning. Lean on my husband's close family, who are wonderful people. Frankly, even more supportive than not only my real father, but my siblings. We have many friends in Czech Republic. We have few to none left in NJ. The really good one we have in NJ travels to where we'll live in Brno, Czech Republic once per month. He will even stay with us several weeks out of a year.

There is part of me that is now, and will always be, a bit like a weak chick. Sometimes I need a hard shell for protection, other times I need a birdy mama to look after me. But when I'm ready and able, I want to fly...and on my own. But I have to be ready. I have to do so when the time truly is right, or within protected skies.

Other than my psychiatrist here in NJ, I have mostly only my husband. Perhaps I can say that I'm reaching across the seas for more hands to hold. The financial security and Czech healthcare system, also represent hands for me to hold. And also, the added benefit of a new start. Away with bad memories, hello to new ones.

But yes, there will be great challenges! My Czech language skills are poor. I'm a 49 year old woman, whose been battling a major mental illness for years. My recovery depended on slow and easy steps forward. Not leaps. The move is a leap, but I depend on a thick cushion being ready for me.

And realistic notions.

Many upcoming days in Brno, Czech Republic will be difficult. It's a different culture, for sure. Things that used to be easy, requiring little thinking, will seem like mountains to climb. [How the hell do I ask 'this' or 'that'? People will start speaking to me in Czech, quickly, and I'll panic or feel bad having to say, in Czech, 'I don't understand enough Czech. I'm sorry.'] There could be xenophobic reactions from some, particularly elderly Czechs. That's something I have never really experienced in my home country. I'll be driving and maybe not quite understand all of the traffic rules quite yet.

You know, it was only a few months ago that I pumped gas in a car for the first time? It was in Czech Republic. My Czech nephew showed me how. He then told me that I then had to go into the shop and tell them the pump number, and pay the amount. I need to know how to say this stuff. Surprised I never pumped gas before? Well, I am a New Jerseyan. In NJ there are no self-service gas stations, and I somehow managed to avoid having to do it in others states, including Pennsylvania, which was walking-distance (across the river) from my childhood home.

So, I must remind myself to take small steps. Prepare myself for possible scary situations with a game plan. Be patient with myself and understanding of others. Not totally avoid the new world. Admit when I'm incapable, but not label myself permanently or completely so. Dip my foot again in the pools, then later put in a full leg, etc. Breathe. Close my eyes while doing it, if needed. Then open them, slowly, again. Smile and say either "I'll try again tomorrow." Or, it's not going to be nearly as bad as it seems, with time. Patience. Slow and steady determination.

Thanks. soupe. Yes. I am early post-IP. Doing my best.

[Sunflower123]

I feel particularly good and positive today. I made real headway on a project in the house that I’d not found time for. That always makes one feel good.

I’ve got my groceries ordered and they’ll be ready for pick up today. I hope everything is in stock. I’m in good shape for the holidays.

I attended a Zoom get together that was both enjoyable and nourishing. I think it’s important to have outlets as a caregiver.

I called my sister in. We’ll get together after Thanksgiving and make a tolerable plan. Hope arises!

Mentally and stress wise doing well today. It’s a nice change.

I hope everyone has an enjoyable, relaxing Thanksgiving.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Yesterday This is N3 singing with the boy choir at age 8. This was a rehearsal- you can hear the director. All the pix are of my kids when they were young. This really *is* "yesterday"! Makes me cry when I watch this video.

Aw, thanks for posting that! Your kiddos were adorable. They looked so sweet.

I know...the time goes by sooo quickly.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm a bit peeved this morning. This morning I went for fasting blood tests at the local phlebotomist joint using a printed out pdf of a blood test script from my nephrologist's office. A secretary there sent it to me last week after I called them saying I never received the script via snail mail. Then I got home and suddenly I see a letter from that doctor sitting on the floor of my husband's office. I look in it, and there is an original script with four additional tests indicated that were not on the pdf version I used earlier. I asked Hubby when it arrived and he said "I don't know." I got into my car with the original slip and drove back there to ask if I could have the four other tests added on. The phlebotomist said I need to get them done separately and need to confirm with my nephrologist if they are fasting tests or not. Of course that by the second trip I had already eaten breakfast.

We talked to our real estate lawyer a bit ago. The buyer's request for all new windows is unacceptable. Not doing it! We are willing to have glass replaced in any windows with remaining broken seals. If that doesn't fly with the buyer, then he's history and we try with another potential buyer. Boo! He also changed some other terms. That doesn't fly either. I hate this game playing.

[daladico]

Had my first therapy session with my new therapist yesterday! Hadn’t done therapy since pre-covid.

I tried to go in with an open mind... and it went well!
Looking forward to next week.
I’m ready to learn and grow.

Hoping to:
-gain insight into how my upbringing affects me today
-figure out who I am and who I want to become
-dig deeper into relationship issues and decide where to go from here