How do you accept it?

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. About 12 years ago, between my BD and his OCD/hoarding we decided to live separately. He lives in the house he and his sister inherited from his parents (he lives there alone). I live in my nice, tidy little apartment with my cats.

Husband and I live exactly 1 mile apart. Yes, it is far from ideal. But we remain best friends and our relationship works so well this way. It works for us and I think it's takes a burden off our (adult) children.

BUT, having a toddler puts a very different spin on things. I feel for you.

He got an apartment and now that I’m trying to make it work with him, he won’t move back to the house. Everything changed. He puts himself first now and wants to live in an apartment long term. It’s so complicated.
Can you guys go to marriage counseling? My husband has a therapist and I have a therapist that work together to keep us a strong family unit.
24 years is a long time and you not accepting it all the way doesn’t make me feel any better but it helps me know that this is just a freaking hard illness to deal with. My Dx road have been hard very few drs agree with how to diagnose me. Some drs want me heavily medicated others think it's more personality. A lot have no idea what to do. I'm now on the highest AP and AD I've been on ever. 2.5 meds vs. 5 meds. If the Dx was consistent over the years I think I'd have an easier time excepting it. I still ask my treatment team if they are sure and they say they are. If you have to ask your dr. or therapist. Do you have a therapist?

Oh man, it can be freaking tough keeping a job through all the lows [and bad highs]. I’m super lucky that I have an amazing boss who knows what I go through and is super supportive. Looking back though, I still have no idea how I managed to keep my job through the past three years. There were many days I thought I would have to resign due to my brain. Shear grit and determination haha.

Just in the past month, I finally gave in and applied for intermittent FMLA and it was approved. Now I wish I had applied sooner. I hope to not use it, but it will make me feel so much less guilty when I have to call off on the worst of the days. Maybe something you could look into?

And yes, “normal” is an interesting concept haha. My entire sense of normal has changed. My new normal however, is much more raw and deep and more covered in gratitude than it ever was before. I’ve grown to be crazy grateful for the days that resemble “normal.”

Meds: man, for me it’s been a journey. Yes- most days over the past 3 years I have not felt stable, despite taking all my meds. Tweaking dose here, changing med there with pdoc every 1-3 months. Thankfully I have an amazing psychiatrist. My biggest recommendation: speak up for your needs. If you aren’t feeling right, tell them. If a med isn’t working right, tell them. You are your biggest advocate.

I used to feel like you and only want one med (if any). I now know that isn’t feasible for me personally. Everyone is different though. (I do know people who are pretty stable on just one med.) I’m sensitive to meds and still have a big fear of med changes. But I’m so grateful I gave in and worked with my pdoc to do a total med change this last time, cuz now it is the best I’ve felt in years. [And my job is SO much easier as a result!!] There are sooooo many different med options and combinations and each works slightly differently for each individual... hoping you find the meds that work the best for you my friend <3

Sending you lots of love and good thoughts
💫💕✨

Hey Naosky,

Awww thank you Scotland is gorgeous. The scenery is just stunning. My city is full of history dating back to like 1300's if not longer. Apparently the legends say William Wallace came to a private school in my city. We will never know lol. I love Loch Lomond though that's stunning was meant to be there st the start of November but the joys of Covid-19 huh.

I have been suicudal for years but always manage to save myself. I have a support team from the local Community Mental Health Team in this team I have a Psychiatrist, Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN), Community Support Worker (who is discharging me i think on Friday) and a Peer Support Worker. They all work in the same building and should communicate but don't. Don't even read each other's notes. My Psychiatrist did not know I have been med free since April 2020. Everyone else did who work with me. I have waited over a month for a Depot Injection for Aririprazole to be approved by a board through the local health board NHS. As its being used as both an Mood Stabliser and an Anti-Psychotic. I got the injection on 19th November. So we'll see if this makes a difference in my mood. Being suicidal is really rubbish. I do pay privately to speak to a Therapist. She too knows everything as well I'm honest (eventually).

I'm what they call med non-compliant. But I'm now willing to try anything. The longest I manage on meds is roughly 4-6 months then I'm off them. This time 7 months is the longest I have been off them. I currently have to take 10mg Aririprazole daily for 1 month then I will be oral free and just receiving the depot. I think the depot was 400mg. My CPN made it up and stuck me I was really anxious but I did it.

I would say all your responders are right. Its a journey we are all on and a different journey for each and every single one of us. Even if we have the same diagnosis Bipolar 1 you and I would be massively different.... environmental factors, life factors, genetics, predispositions, health care we receive, experiences of mental health you have had, witnessed and heard of etc etc list is endless

Hope your OK though, and your wee girl is keeping you busy just remember there are people who you can talk to on here ok

I loved the move Braveheart!! That’s so awesome!!


How’s the depot injection working? I feel like meds don’t do anything for me, but I’ve only been taking them for about 5 months. My mom always got off of them after she tried taking them. She’s cycled several times but only hospitalized once. She’s learned to tone it down when she’s manic so it’s hard to tell sometimes. We just suspect when she starts spending a lot of money. She goes through bad depressions but mange’s to get out of them over time. She’s actually in one right now. She thinks she went through the mania right before I did. So we are both going through this depression together. She also watches my daughter while I work. My little one is the best medicine for both of us.


Yes I’m bipolar 1... it’s crazy how it can be different for everyone. I don’t know where my journey will be but I’m glad I found this forum. It’s good to find people who understand what it’s like.


Im doing ok... hopefully one day I can say I’m great... but my daughter is my light and she helps me feel better than just ok when she’s near me.


Thank you. It’s been nice so far and grateful for all of the responses I get!

Lol Braveheart is great but full of inaccuracies unfortunately. I prefer not to think of them and just watch until my heart is content. I recite bits of it on days like St. Andrews Day, Burn's Night etc whenever being Scottish is celebrated much to the annoyance of my family

I feel no different being on the injection tbh. Is it even working lol?? I know it takes time. But jeez. They are now saying I MUST go back on Depakote as in the words of my Psychiatrist "Your condition means you will always need meds and in fact a mood stabiliser" yay!!! Lucky me? I said I would think about it as I'm not happy about it.