Feeling rubbish

I'm in the midst of a bad depression. Its now 6:45pm on Sun and I am just showered. Its took me 30 mins to shower grrr. I feel like a pile of (insert word here). I have spend the weekend masking it all.

My Mum wanted her Christmas decorations up so my Sister and I did the whole house decorations yesterday. Looks awfy bonnie but why am I not happy. I was the quiz master for the family quiz last night. I started the festivities off by having 25 questions on general knowledge and 25 on Christmas. Everyone loved my quiz it took me days to get questions. I had my Santa hat on too and I sang a few of the songs I needed to sing.

Still feel miserable!

Today I bought my Mum a gift she wants, slept 2.5 hours, picked at my dinner never ate it and feel miserable. I could cry tbh!

I wish I never had depression as I can't take an anti-depressant as they send me high so as always I have to ride it out. Which is so hard. I'm feeling slightly you know suicidal. But I'm hoping it will pass.

I am not technically medicated.... long story.... I received a depot injection on Thurs but it was for an anti-psychotic I'm not on anything else bar the injection and oral (oral I take until 10th Dec then thats it)....

Just feel so miserable and need to cry!!

I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling lately. Is there any mood stabilizer you’ve been on that helps with depression that you would be willing to take?
I hope this funk you’re in gets better soon. In the meantime feel free to post here as much as you want.

I’m so sorry Laura!! This depression isn’t fair. I don’t know why we have to go through this!!! Especially during the Christmas season. Everyone seems so happy and eager for it, but it’s the first time I could care less about it. I keep trying to push through this too and fake it till I make it, but it’s so tough!!
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. I will cry with you. You know for awhile I couldn’t even cry, now sometimes I can’t stop.

It does sound like there was some bit of light to what you did. Know that we will get past this mood. It just takes so long. My mom has bipolar and never gets medicated. We are both going through a depression right now. I told her I had no idea how rough this was and can’t believe she’s done this without meds. She said medication never worked for her so she’d rather go through it without any!! I wish I could. Some days I think I should too. I don’t even know how much this lithium is actually helping me. I just figure it has to run its course.... watching my mom through the years I’ve seen it happen. It’s the only thing that brings me hope, knowing that eventually I will get better. I know you will too. ((Hugs))

yup..depression is worst

Thanks guys,

I was on Depakote 1,500mg but I came off my meds 7 months ago and they say they will try me on the injection only. I'm really bad at taking meds. In 10 years I have spent about half if not more years off them

I'm sorry, Laura. I'm feeling rubbish, too. That's a good description.


I do believe that a mood stabilizer could be of great benefit for you. For most people Lamictal is such an easy med to be on.

Thing is I just can't stay on them. I take them then I get better and then o stop them. I have tried everything (setting alarms, keeping a med diary, reminders everywhere, phone calls etc)

I just can't swallow them. The longest was 6-7 months then boom i came off them. I really struggle to take meds so that's why they are taking control off of me and taking it on themselves.

I had to hand over my extra meds as they were worried I would use them when depressed

It’s the abilify shot you’re getting, right? Maybe once that kicks in, it’ll help with the depression. And maybe being on the injection will help with your med compliance too. I can’t really explain how, but I’ve been much better about taking pills this past year than I was before I started the risperdal injection.
Either way, hang in there. Mood episodes are never permanent.

My heart breaks for you, Laura. Sending you lots of love and prayers!!

Sapien, yeah its the same one. I'm hoping it will be OK. My Psychiatrist told me today I need to be on a mood stabiliser. Even though I was told I wouldn't be on one. I'm really raging. They are killing me here. He said that my condition needs a mood stabiliser. I am really unhappy. They are trying to force me to take them

It would feel so great to be stable, though, Laura. If you could just give it a month's try, you know?