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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 02:50 PM
  #1
What do you do for work? Do people know you have a mental illness? How do you manage to get through each day? How many jobs have you had? Have you ever lost a job because of this illness?

I’m a high school teacher. I was diagnosed at the end of last school year but didn’t believe it till the summer. I was able to function and keep teaching during the mania and hypomania... and for this semester so far since August, I’ve been teaching while depressed and with insomnia. I basically fake like I’m ok and I make it through each day. I force myself to get things done even though I don’t have any interest in my job anymore. It’s sad because I’ve always loved teaching. This is my 10th year. I always planned on retiring as a teacher. Now I just hope to get through one day at a time. I am proud of myself for making it this long, but still worried about how long I can continue. I don’t know what other job I could possibly do. I don’t know if I’d be happy doing anything else and I definitely don’t think I could make as much money if I tried to find something else. Nobody can take care of me if I quit, so I keep going. I’m hoping one day I will be stable enough and my love for teaching will return.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 03:08 PM
  #2
I was an at-home mom while my kids were growing up. When they were at a more independent age I work p/t with at-risk youth. I loved that job and managed it well for 2 years. Once my kids were grown, I worked p/t in a funky little cafe. I worked there for 15 years. It was a really special place. I could never handle more than part-time, mostly because of fatigue from meds. No one knew I have BD. That was another reason I worked only part-time. If I had worked full-time I wouldn't have been able to "hide."

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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 03:39 PM
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I did my best to hide it for years, and sort of succeeded because I make my own hours, work from home, and do long-term projects. That way I was able to balance the good and bad times enough to make it seem like I was doing well "on average." Nobody knew that there were weeks or even months when I didn't do any actual work, because in the rest of the time I did enough to compensate. The end result was all that mattered.

Unfortunately, I've been doing very badly now for over a year, and I was getting increasingly unstable for years even before this. At this point I can't hide it anymore, even with all the flexibility I have, and I've had to go on medical leave, which I just hate so much. I feel absolutely worthless. Also, now they know that there's something going on. They don't know exactly what but they know that it's something related to mental illness and that I'm trying to get treatment soon, and hopefully after that I can go back and try to start functioning again. My employer is being pretty understanding but I'm still worried that that's just on the surface.

In my teens I had a few jobs where I had to be on-site and perform to standard every day, like one of my first jobs in a convenience store. I learned very quickly that I can't do that. I don't think I could keep any job except the ones where they give me enough freedom to try to average out my performance over time.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 04:16 PM
  #4
i have Never worked. i was able to get through my school Years Fine enough, but with university right now i feel like i can't handle anything at all despite my struggles being absolutely ridiculous compared to many others, especially on this forum. i am so Sorry for EveryOne who struggled at work or with other things because of their mental illnesses! SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to ALL of You, Your Families, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 04:37 PM
  #5
Hi NaoSky. Just do your best and doing one's best varies. Sometimes the bare minimum is absolutely fine. Sometimes we can barely do anything at all, and that's OK, too.

Do you have some holiday break coming up? If so, perhaps try to think of it not so much as a "long time from now", but reframe it in your mind as a short one. It's possible that after a break things will be better. Though I don't know how it works in your teaching job, I do recall that the days leading up to the holidays can sometimes be a little easier. I hope that's the case for you.

I have been on Social Security disability, for bipolar disorder, for about nine years now. Just before, I was a manager in the marketing department of a very large language instruction company's ESL (English as a Second Language) instruction division. I had worked there for almost 10 years before they terminated me. They did so not because of my performance, but because I had been out on private disability for so long that they could no longer hold my position. I give them credit for doing so for much of three and a half years, when I was in and out of the psych hospital and intensive outpatient programs 10 times. Many there knew I had a mental illness. At the beginning of the mentioned last three and a half years, my manic behavior became so severe that six fellow employees reported it to the Human Resources department. That brought about my first psych hospitalization, and acceptance of my bipolar disorder. I had actually been diagnosed manic depressive a year before, but didn't accept it. Towards the end of those particularly rough years, I had "an incident" at work. Let's say that many people who might not have yet known I had a mental illness, became immediately enlightened.

Before the job above, I worked for a major healthcare product company, in their Communications department. That was my first major job. I left there for the position above, that better utilized my background in East Asia studies. Before this job, I was studying Chinese in Taiwan, teaching ESL to pay bills, and/or working temporary jobs, in between. I left the ESL job and Chinese school prematurely, because of mood episodes. My boss at the ESL school had to take me to the hospital in Taiwan because I was basically paralyzed by depression. [I only very vaguely remember going.] The doctor there must have given me an antidepressant, which soon after made me manic. I quit the job and started traveling around Asia, by myself -- then a 24 year old woman. I returned to the US after being pickpocketed on an island in Thailand, and after some very disinhibited/wild behavior.

I had had depressive, hypomanic, and even manic episodes probably as far back as 15/16 years old. They did affect my life in various ways, but I have always managed to make the best of situations, at least eventually. It's highly possible that I will experience future severe episodes. When I do, I'll be sure to receive help. I will then heal, and work to move forward. I hope to have a job again, someday. I'm not sure if it will ever reach full-time, but likely part-time. Who knows. In any case, this is my life and I'm going to live it the best I can (ups, downs, and arounds). Life is a journey, for sure.

Last edited by Soupe du jour; Nov 30, 2020 at 05:04 PM..
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 04:40 PM
  #6
Pretty sure I’ve been faking it til I make it my whole life! Haha.

The first couple years of my diagnosis I had extreme anxiety that work would find out and I’d lose my job.

When I switched departments a couple years ago, I told my boss & coworkers upfront that I have bipolar, and it has been soooo much better. I think I work with an exceptionally understanding and supportive group of people however, so that makes a difference.

I’ve always struggled significantly internally with work and school, but have always been “successful.” Much of the time I feel like I’m barely making it through though.

You are not alone my friend.

I will try to write more soon <3

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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 04:40 PM
  #7
I used to be a ride operator for about five years during summers. Fun stuff. Impulsively quit during a manic episode in August... (gave my 2 weeks like a good girl, but didn’t show up those two weeks...) They knew I was mentally ill about the third year in when there was an incident with a suicide attempt.
Lost three other jobs to mental health issues too. One was because of drug abuse, one to calling in sick while throwing up from anxiety caused by a mixed episode, one I just stopped showing up because of paranoia. Only job I didn’t lose to some form of mental illness was waitressing, and they closed for business after they hired me but before my first day. None of these jobs knew about my diagnosis.
Also failed most of my college courses because symptoms (both of sza and adhd).

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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 04:40 PM
  #8
My boss knows, but I don’t think she truly “gets” it? I mean, I don’t have too many issues besides having an often horribly slow work pace (I’ve always worked quite slowly but I hate it). I left nearly 3 hours late today
My previous job was worse. I have high functioning autism and really don’t like forced socialisation - in fairness, my employers are entitled to want care staff who can be chatty and friendly, but I struggled with that. No idea how I lasted over 10 years in that job!
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 05:03 PM
  #9
It depends on the job really. For awhile after I was first diagnosed, I couldn't work at all. Then I worked as a probate clerk which despite giving me much needed structure was awful. I was surrounded by death everyday, and the bureaucratic ******** just increased my rage. Eventually, after a series of other jobs, I found my way into academia. As long as I find meaning and intellectual engagement in my work and can maintain a routine, I do ok. That's not to say there aren't rough periods, but work usually helps me cope, lets me disappear into it. I do not discuss my illness with my colleagues. I don't want it to define me, and academia is a weird place full of weird people that isn't always as accepting as you'd hope.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:06 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
I was an at-home mom while my kids were growing up. When they were at a more independent age I work p/t with at-risk youth. I loved that job and managed it well for 2 years. Once my kids were grown, I worked p/t in a funky little cafe. I worked there for 15 years. It was a really special place. I could never handle more than part-time, mostly because of fatigue from meds. No one knew I have BD. That was another reason I worked only part-time. If I had worked full-time I wouldn't have been able to "hide."
Sounds nice being an at home mom. My husband once told me I could if we moved into an apartment... but now that he lives in one he told me he can’t afford me not working and I had to keep my job. Oh I wish I could be for a few years....
that’s wonderful that you were able to keep a job for 15 years!!
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:10 PM
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I did my best to hide it for years, and sort of succeeded because I make my own hours, work from home, and do long-term projects. That way I was able to balance the good and bad times enough to make it seem like I was doing well "on average." Nobody knew that there were weeks or even months when I didn't do any actual work, because in the rest of the time I did enough to compensate. The end result was all that mattered.

Unfortunately, I've been doing very badly now for over a year, and I was getting increasingly unstable for years even before this. At this point I can't hide it anymore, even with all the flexibility I have, and I've had to go on medical leave, which I just hate so much. I feel absolutely worthless. Also, now they know that there's something going on. They don't know exactly what but they know that it's something related to mental illness and that I'm trying to get treatment soon, and hopefully after that I can go back and try to start functioning again. My employer is being pretty understanding but I'm still worried that that's just on the surface.

In my teens I had a few jobs where I had to be on-site and perform to standard every day, like one of my first jobs in a convenience store. I learned very quickly that I can't do that. I don't think I could keep any job except the ones where they give me enough freedom to try to average out my performance over time.
I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling for the past year. We’re you on medication the entire time? If so I hate hearing that happens... I was told “stay on medicine so you don’t relapse” but I also hear about so many people that it doesn’t always help. I have to believe it will get better... it’s what I keep hoping and thinking for myself. I’ve been struggling since July.

I also hope your employer continues to be understanding!! I think my principal knows I have a mental Illness, I was hospitalized at the end of last school year and the FMLA paperwork the hospital filled out said that I could go back if I have another flair up.... plus if she looked up the name of the hospital.... so far they haven’t treated me any different.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
i have Never worked. i was able to get through my school Years Fine enough, but with university right now i feel like i can't handle anything at all despite my struggles being absolutely ridiculous compared to many others, especially on this forum. i am so Sorry for EveryOne who struggled at work or with other things because of their mental illnesses! SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to ALL of You, Your Families, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
You are currently in school at a University? I always wanted to go back to school to get my masters degree and I almost did before I got pregnant, but now I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it...
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:30 PM
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Hi NaoSky. Just do your best and doing one's best varies. Sometimes the bare minimum is absolutely fine. Sometimes we can barely do anything at all, and that's OK, too.

Do you have some holiday break coming up? If so, perhaps try to think of it not so much as a "long time from now", but reframe it in your mind as a short one. It's possible that after a break things will be better. Though I don't know how it works in your teaching job, I do recall that the days leading up to the holidays can sometimes be a little easier. I hope that's the case for you.

I have been on Social Security disability, for bipolar disorder, for about nine years now. Just before, I was a manager in the marketing department of a very large language instruction company's ESL (English as a Second Language) instruction division. I had worked there for almost 10 years before they terminated me. They did so not because of my performance, but because I had been out on private disability for so long that they could no longer hold my position. I give them credit for doing so for much of three and a half years, when I was in and out of the psych hospital and intensive outpatient programs 10 times. Many there knew I had a mental illness. At the beginning of the mentioned last three and a half years, my manic behavior became so severe that six fellow employees reported it to the Human Resources department. That brought about my first psych hospitalization, and acceptance of my bipolar disorder. I had actually been diagnosed manic depressive a year before, but didn't accept it. Towards the end of those particularly rough years, I had "an incident" at work. Let's say that many people who might not have yet known I had a mental illness, became immediately enlightened.

Before the job above, I worked for a major healthcare product company, in their Communications department. That was my first major job. I left there for the position above, that better utilized my background in East Asia studies. Before this job, I was studying Chinese in Taiwan, teaching ESL to pay bills, and/or working temporary jobs, in between. I left the ESL job and Chinese school prematurely, because of mood episodes. My boss at the ESL school had to take me to the hospital in Taiwan because I was basically paralyzed by depression. [I only very vaguely remember going.] The doctor there must have given me an antidepressant, which soon after made me manic. I quit the job and started traveling around Asia, by myself -- then a 24 year old woman. I returned to the US after being pickpocketed on an island in Thailand, and after some very disinhibited/wild behavior.

I had had depressive, hypomanic, and even manic episodes probably as far back as 15/16 years old. They did affect my life in various ways, but I have always managed to make the best of situations, at least eventually. It's highly possible that I will experience future severe episodes. When I do, I'll be sure to receive help. I will then heal, and work to move forward. I hope to have a job again, someday. I'm not sure if it will ever reach full-time, but likely part-time. Who knows. In any case, this is my life and I'm going to live it the best I can (ups, downs, and arounds). Life is a journey, for sure.
Thank you so much, that really does help to hear that!! I do the bare minimum most days and it makes me feel bad because I was always the teacher that went above and beyond. I laughed all the time and was sorta funny. I remember being happy all the time. Now I feel like I’m one of those serious teachers without a personality and I have to push myself to even smile, and it’s not that often.
I had off for a week for thanksgiving and then I’ll have off 2 weeks for Christmas. Yes it does help knowing I’ll have another break. I also work from 7:30 to 2:50 and the time goes by quickly. My days alternate with teaching 3 classes one day and 2 classes the next day. The hardest part is preparing the lessons and then grading the work.... plus constantly reminding them to turn in missing work and calling parents. But it does keep my mind occupied and I’m not thinking about BD while I’m working. So far I’ve managed to keep going, so I plan on it as long as I can.

Wow you’ve had some interesting jobs and how cool that you were able to travel around Asia! Not so fun going to a hospital though! What was it like in a hospital in Taiwan?

Wow since you were 15/16? That’s so young!! You have the best attitude though!!! Life is definitely a journey and like Forest said, you never know which one you are gonna get... that’s for sure!! I hope one day I can accept it more. I always wanted to write a book, started a few actually... but never finished one. When I went through mania I thought I could write one in a week. One night I stayed up writing for about 6 hours straight. I was also tweeting my ideas and tweeted about 700 tweets in one week. I thought I was going to be a famous book writer lol.... well maybe now after I accept it more, I can actually write a book on bipolar, a memoir. I know I won’t get rich off of it but at least leave something behind. Plus it might help me heal.

Anyway thank you for sharing, your post gives me hope!
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:38 PM
  #14
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Pretty sure I’ve been faking it til I make it my whole life! Haha.

The first couple years of my diagnosis I had extreme anxiety that work would find out and I’d lose my job.

When I switched departments a couple years ago, I told my boss & coworkers upfront that I have bipolar, and it has been soooo much better. I think I work with an exceptionally understanding and supportive group of people however, so that makes a difference.

I’ve always struggled significantly internally with work and school, but have always been “successful.” Much of the time I feel like I’m barely making it through though.

You are not alone my friend.

I will try to write more soon <3
Lol thank you so much!!! It definitely feels good knowing I’m not alone and even though it can be a struggle, I can make it!!

I’ve always battled all kinds of stuff in my life and managed to pull through without a mood disorder, it’s just 10x harder with one!! I will never ever judge anyone ever again for giving up. Life can be a challenge and we never know what someone is going through.

I wish I could tell people at my job, but too many teachers judge and gossip. I only trusted one teacher so far. He works close with me on student council and said he would help in any way that he can. I don’t want to lose sponsoring that club because it takes up one of my class periods where I teach one less class...

That’s so good that your job is so supportive!!! I know it must make a huge difference to have that. I was anxious at first too when I started teaching again and thought people would judge me or I would lose my job. I thought people would be able to tell that I have BD, but I think I’ve been able to hide it for the most part.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:41 PM
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I used to be a ride operator for about five years during summers. Fun stuff. Impulsively quit during a manic episode in August... (gave my 2 weeks like a good girl, but didn’t show up those two weeks...) They knew I was mentally ill about the third year in when there was an incident with a suicide attempt.
Lost three other jobs to mental health issues too. One was because of drug abuse, one to calling in sick while throwing up from anxiety caused by a mixed episode, one I just stopped showing up because of paranoia. Only job I didn’t lose to some form of mental illness was waitressing, and they closed for business after they hired me but before my first day. None of these jobs knew about my diagnosis.
Also failed most of my college courses because symptoms (both of sza and adhd).
I’m so sorry to hear about all of the job losses because of BD!! How old were you when you were diagnosed? We’re you on medication? I do have a fear that I will not ever get stable or that the mania will come back. I’ve only had it for 8 months, so no clue what my life will look like in the future.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:43 PM
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My boss knows, but I don’t think she truly “gets” it? I mean, I don’t have too many issues besides having an often horribly slow work pace (I’ve always worked quite slowly but I hate it). I left nearly 3 hours late today
My previous job was worse. I have high functioning autism and really don’t like forced socialisation - in fairness, my employers are entitled to want care staff who can be chatty and friendly, but I struggled with that. No idea how I lasted over 10 years in that job!
10 years is a long time!! I’m hoping I can teach for another 10 years. Wow so you have Autism and BD? How long have you had BD?
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:46 PM
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It depends on the job really. For awhile after I was first diagnosed, I couldn't work at all. Then I worked as a probate clerk which despite giving me much needed structure was awful. I was surrounded by death everyday, and the bureaucratic ******** just increased my rage. Eventually, after a series of other jobs, I found my way into academia. As long as I find meaning and intellectual engagement in my work and can maintain a routine, I do ok. That's not to say there aren't rough periods, but work usually helps me cope, lets me disappear into it. I do not discuss my illness with my colleagues. I don't want it to define me, and academia is a weird place full of weird people that isn't always as accepting as you'd hope.
That’s so good that you find value and meaning from your job!! I’m really hoping that returns to me because I have always loved my job and I can’t picture myself doing anything else. I’ve only told one person at my job and told him to keep it confidential because I don’t want to face any stigma over this illness.
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Default Nov 30, 2020 at 09:52 PM
  #18
I've never lost a job, but I have not pursued a career mainly because of BD. I recall symptoms as early as age 4, and vividly by age 9. I was diagnosed at some point in my 20's (I'm 57).


I knew by my high school years that *something* was different about me when it came to emotional intensity. Yes, my home life was extremely (and I do mean extremely) abusive and unsupportive (my mother, a vividly intelligent woman was very mentally ill, among other things that were going on). But I loved high school and had loads of fun during those years. Yet, I knew that I didn't have the stability to pursue a "real" career. My mental state declined more and more until I was finally diagnosed and put on medication (and of course, therapy).

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Default Dec 01, 2020 at 12:18 AM
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Yes my company knows because I am peer support specialist but working as a direct supporter right now in a staffed residence. To be a peer supporter you have to have two years recovery with your illness. You actually use your experience for your job.

Right now I work pt on weekends and pt time
School for social work.

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Default Dec 01, 2020 at 12:20 AM
  #20
Also-this faking it is called opposite action in dbt lingo.

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Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type
PTSD
generalized anxiety
OCD

celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin
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Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Soupe du jour
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