Bipolar Check-in #79

I ate the soup and now its in a bucket.

I'm kind of crabby now. Maybe I should have rethought adding cheddar broccoli soup to my shopping list.

Think of the split pea soup scene from the excorcist but autumn squash soup instead

Something is seriously ****ed up with me.

My mom came home and freaked out at the smell and now I'm wondering if vomit that smells that bad is a bad thing or if it was just the type of soup. I don't normally throw up like this but I don't normally eat liguidy thick soup either.

I had taken both pantropazoles and all 3 of my zofrans before eating. Now I'm waiting for a pepcid to kick in.

I threw up 2 pepcids and a bunch of bile. I felt so sick like I was going to have a heart attack. All from some soup. My blood pressure was normal so its just heartburn.

I'm pretty sure I forgot to take my 3rd valium and thats why I'm freaking out a bit right now. I'm sweating and my chest is going up and down real fast.

Yeah I counted and I forgot the 3rd one...

I'm pretty much living from anti-anxiety meds to the next dose of anti-anxiety meds at the moment. And trying not to freak out in-between my anxiety has been so bad. I'm paralyzed with anxiety. The only thing I can do is listen to music and type in my journal. I can't even put the dishes away. 😒 Going to have to do that tomorrow though. I'm afraid of the dark. I was trying to identify in my journal today WHAT has me feeling so anxious.

My husband has been gone at work all day and I'm afraid to go to sleep. I'm scared I'll wake up with a breathing tube down my throat, unable to see, and with no recollection of what happened, like when I overdosed on benadryl. My mom also texted me today. She triggers me. And it brought up all of these memories/flashbacks of the summer when I had that really bad manic episode.

And now I'm just hot and anxious and waiting for my seroquel to kick in and knock me out for the night (lights on in the bedroom of course).

I don't know if I should call my pdoc's office or not on Monday. Noelle made it seem like all I needed to do was exercise and my anxiety would go away. I don't know what my pdoc's office could do for me. All of this anxiety has me feeling awfully depressed though.