Bipolar Check-in #79

I'm pretty much living from anti-anxiety meds to the next dose of anti-anxiety meds at the moment. And trying not to freak out in-between my anxiety has been so bad. I'm paralyzed with anxiety. The only thing I can do is listen to music and type in my journal. I can't even put the dishes away. 😒 Going to have to do that tomorrow though. I'm afraid of the dark. I was trying to identify in my journal today WHAT has me feeling so anxious.

My husband has been gone at work all day and I'm afraid to go to sleep. I'm scared I'll wake up with a breathing tube down my throat, unable to see, and with no recollection of what happened, like when I overdosed on benadryl. My mom also texted me today. She triggers me. And it brought up all of these memories/flashbacks of the summer when I had that really bad manic episode.

And now I'm just hot and anxious and waiting for my seroquel to kick in and knock me out for the night (lights on in the bedroom of course).

I don't know if I should call my pdoc's office or not on Monday. Noelle made it seem like all I needed to do was exercise and my anxiety would go away. I don't know what my pdoc's office could do for me. All of this anxiety has me feeling awfully depressed though.