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Old 11-05-2018, 12:30 AM #1
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Default Do I have BDD?

In my last session, my T suggested that I may have a certain eating disorder, but I did some research I couldn't relate to any of it. I admit I struggle with binge eating, emotional eating, and I struggle with dieting, but there's something else that I think I may suffer from. I may be suffering from BDD, but I don't know too much about it. I gained 100 pounds in the first year after my hospitalization due to heavy meds and a lack of care of what I put in my body. I've been desperately trying to lose weight for the past two years. I lost 30 pounds, gained it all back, and now I've lost another 20 pounds but now I'm struggling with binge-eating again.

Why I may be BDD is because I am obsessed with my stomach. I stare at it every day in the mirror with disgust, and throughout the day I'll rub my stomach or lift my shirt up and just stare at it in disgust. It makes me feel so awful about myself. I feel that when people look at my stomach, they'll think I'm so fat and disgusting and that even if I try so hard to lose weight, they'll think, "Man, she really let herself go". I'm afraid to be judged because of my weight and my stomach, especially if I see a pretty group of girls I'm afraid they're secretly thinking, "What a fat cow!" I also don't like my hair. I want natural colored hair but it doesn't look right to me, and I am never satisfied with my hair the way it is, since I turned 14 I've been recutting and restyling and redying all different colors and nothing seems to be right, and it wasn't until I started wearing wigs when I realized I'm embarrassed to show my real hair, and now I have to with my job. Everyone tells me I look great with short hair, but I feel I'm too fat to have short hair and all the pretty girls have long flowing beautiful hair and they have it styled just so, so that they always look flawless and I can't even figure out how to use hair gel properly.

Do you think I have BDD? How should I bring this up with my T? How can I expect to treat this?
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Old 11-05-2018, 04:20 AM #2
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Default Re: Do I have BDD?

((((LiteraryLark)))) I'm sorry you're struggling. The only way to know for sure is through a proper diagnosis... just tell your T everything that you wrote here. I think it should be enough. Do you think you can do it? .sadhug:
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Old 11-05-2018, 10:41 AM #3
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Old 11-05-2018, 01:32 PM #4
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Default Re: Do I have BDD?

I also struggle with the fat on my chin. I'll pinch it over and over and that's always the first thing I see when I look in the mirror. I was mortified when I thought the weight was making it look less noticeable and when I took my driver's license photo all you see is chubby cheeks and fat under my chin, and I was surprised most with the chubby cheeks because normally they don't look as bloated, now I worry that's all people see when they see me, chubby cheeks, fat under my chin, and protruding stomach. Don't even get me started on my thighs...I just won't go there because what I say would be absolutely ridiculous and I know it wouldn't be true.

Yes, Mickey, I will definitely bring this up in my next session.

I definitely want to go back to mindful eating. I've let myself go this month. And I know the biggest help will be to stop drinking because the cocktails are all sugar, the wine is all calories, and the beer makes me bloated, among the other drawbacks such as messing with my sleep cycle and not being productive.
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