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Old 08-06-2019, 02:49 AM   #1
Suetonius
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Trig Reaching out for friends

Today is the one year anniversary of when I lost two friends. They were husband and wife. What came out in the months after they were gone was that body dysmorphic disorder had been a huge part of their lives.

I have come on here to write in tribute to them. And also to share a small part of their story. My hope is that in writing this, anyone experiencing body dysmorphic disorder will be able see that although I do not know BDD myself, I do know the pain and the suffering it causes, and my heart and my strength goes out to anyone living with it. You are important, and everyone should stand up for you, to make sure you are not alone, and to make sure you are heard.

My friends were the sweetest people, totally devoted to each other. What happened a year ago was terrible - they were both vulnerable, and massively failed by every service who should have been there to protect and support them. They had tried to access support the night before - the police, the NHS, social services had all been involved. But they were told to go home and wait for an appointment. When you are vulnerable and authority figures tell you something, I guess you do it. But tragically, for them the reality of waiting was not an option.

What happened in the months after will stay with me for the rest of my life. When people are lost suddenly, society can get suspicious, and can point fingers and talk darkly about blame. Their closest friends, although they never had thought they would find themselves in this situation in a million years, immediately pulled together with all their strength. They stood up and told anyone who asked that they had been good, kind, wonderful people. They fought to have a memorial when the estranged families and workplaces, fearing the worst, had tried to sweep it all under the carpet. They believed with all their hearts in the husband and wife that they had known, and they loved them and cried for them and talked about them and thought about ways to remember them constantly. I am really only on the periphery of this friendship group, and I have been moved forever by the positivity, strength and love that their close friends displayed.

In the past year therefore I have learned that if you surround yourself with people who truly love you, they will share your pain without judgement and with total support, even if they do not understand where that pain has come from - and even if you never talk about that pain as well. I think that feeling alone is the absolute worst, and is a trick that our minds play on us when we are at our most vulnerable. I hope in these words I get across that although a person can be alone in their fight, they are not alone in the war, because love doesn't care about barriers and doing what is expected and looking acceptable to society, love cares about you - and the people that love you will be your army. I don't know if my friends had known this it would have changed the outcome. I hope if they had known the love that would stand like an impenetrable wall protecting them once they had gone, then at the very least they would have felt less alone.

I have also learnt in the past year that health care professionals can be very, very wrong. If you are in need then please, please stand firm. And when you can't stand firm anymore have people waiting in the wings who you can tag in to sand firm for you. There is nothing more important than you - you deserve to be happy and safe in your life.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. In loving memory.

Last edited by atisketatasket; 08-06-2019 at 10:04 AM.. Reason: Added trigger
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Old 08-06-2019, 01:32 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Reaching out for friends

Hello Suetonius: Thank you for sharing your friends' story. And since this is your first post here on PC... welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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