Is it BPD when you can't find your way to fit in??

giddykitty · May 24, 2018 at 03:38 PM

I guess my question is, is it BPD when you don't feel like you have anything really to contribute to anything, that nothing you do is important. You want to be the center of attention, but you can't find anything to contribute.

I also read the pinned post and this feeling of inability to be alone is plaguing me. I don't know if the above is related to this "emptiness" thing that is always described with BPD. If so, then I'm empty, mostly. Sometimes I'll think of something to say, but it hardly lasts to keep a conversation going. Maybe folks I know are just bored with what I have to say and that's not really fair to me. ha!

Sigh. I hate being alone, but I'm either boring or bored when it comes to others...or overstimulated (that and my anxiety is a big issue). I digress. Any thoughts?? Just feel like keeping a lonely person company??

cryingontheinside · May 24, 2018 at 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giddykitty

I guess my question is, is it BPD when you don't feel like you have anything really to contribute to anything, that nothing you do is important. You want to be the center of attention, but you can't find anything to contribute.

I also read the pinned post and this feeling of inability to be alone is plaguing me. I don't know if the above is related to this "emptiness" thing that is always described with BPD. If so, then I'm empty, mostly. Sometimes I'll think of something to say, but it hardly lasts to keep a conversation going. Maybe folks I know are just bored with what I have to say and that's not really fair to me. ha!

Sigh. I hate being alone, but I'm either boring or bored when it comes to others...or overstimulated (that and my anxiety is a big issue). I digress. Any thoughts?? Just feel like keeping a lonely person company??

I'm not sure if that's a trait of bpd . I have social anxiety. I've never been able to be part of large groups of people unless I was extremely drunk .
I self isolate alot . I don't know if I fit in with people because I've been too scared to try . I've been ok with one to one friendships in the past .

giddykitty · May 25, 2018 at 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I'm not sure if that's a trait of bpd . I have social anxiety. I've never been able to be part of large groups of people unless I was extremely drunk .
I self isolate alot . I don't know if I fit in with people because I've been too scared to try . I've been ok with one to one friendships in the past .

I don't know what my issue is exactly. I think I just struggle to find folks I connect with and then keep them. Maybe it's a fault of my own, maybe it's just circumstance. I'm just depressed and I guess anxious about what I say or post, but so thank you for taking out some time to say a few.

Unrigged64072835 · May 28, 2018 at 03:46 PM

I've felt awkward around people. I don't fit in either. Part of it may be not having an identity as well, which is a BPD trait.

giddykitty · May 29, 2018 at 06:33 PM

I'm beginning to think I'm just depressed and worried life isn't exactly how I had planned. Maybe I need a new outlook. Wish I wasn't so lazy!! ha! I used to say I'm not lazy, but maybe I am! No, no. I've got plenty of obstacles.

AzulOscuro · Jun 04, 2018 at 11:00 AM

I feel quite well identified with your post. I have been feeling like that since I was about fourteen. I don’t think it’s a trait only in bpd but for a person with bpd there are many posibilities to display this trait. Take into account that bpd is based mainly in instability in different sides: mood, self-sense, even reasoning (sometimes we perceive things very clearly and can read peiple and situations very well but other times, specially when feelings are involved, we drive ourselves without clues). I think all that make us feel outside.

Jun 13, 2018 at 06:01 AM

I’m not sure what it is. But I have experienced a sense of wanting to be part of a group and feeling ignored. Inevitably I blamed myself and felt inadequate. I’ve later learned there were other reasons. Sometimes what I thought was a fairly direct effort on my part to join in really wasn’t. I am naturally quiet and reserved and people don’t always read me well. Other times I’ve realized the people I was trying to fit in with really weren’t a good fit for me and I was better off not fitting in.

I wonder is it that you don’t really have an identity with BPD or that you don’t realize you do?

giddykitty · Jun 13, 2018 at 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I’m not sure what it is. But I have experienced a sense of wanting to be part of a group and feeling ignored. Inevitably I blamed myself and felt inadequate. I’ve later learned there were other reasons. Sometimes what I thought was a fairly direct effort on my part to join in really wasn’t. I am naturally quiet and reserved and people don’t always read me well. Other times I’ve realized the people I was trying to fit in with really weren’t a good fit for me and I was better off not fitting in.

I wonder is it that you don’t really have an identity with BPD or that you don’t realize you do?

I'm not sure I understand your question. I'd venture a guess and say that I do find myself identifying with BPD. My original post Is to sort out what thoughts or feelings might be or not be related to BPD. Is that what you're asking?

Jun 15, 2018 at 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giddykitty

I'm not sure I understand your question. I'd venture a guess and say that I do find myself identifying with BPD. My original post Is to sort out what thoughts or feelings might be or not be related to BPD. Is that what you're asking?

I think the BPD thought process causes us to devalue ourselves.

Unrigged64072835 · Jun 15, 2018 at 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I wonder is it that you don’t really have an identity with BPD or that you don’t realize you do?

The identity is not stable, underdeveloped or "markedly impoverished" according to DSM 5 criteria.

From what I understand, for whatever reason one doesn't carry the same identity from group to group, or from person to person. They learned to try and blend in with the identity of the group or person so they take the mannerisms, norms, etc. to fit in. There is no individual identity of that one person. So in trying to fit in they become the "representative" person.

I hope that makes sense Sisabel.

giddykitty · Jun 15, 2018 at 08:34 PM

^ I feel like I'm required to do that. Different personalities for different groups. I wish I could just "be myself". A lot of it is fear on my part, but some of it is expectations. Some days I don't know who I am or rather who I want to be. I just wish I could be more consistent... the consistent parts get rather stressful trying to explain to each group. I still wonder if it's my personality or my circumstance. I think it's a little of both though because this "blending" in is not a new thing for me.

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Unrigged64072835 Legendary Member Since Oct 2010 Location: Under the noise floor Posts: 18,579 (SuperPoster!) 13 11.8k hugs given	May 28, 2018 at 03:46 PM #4 I've felt awkward around people. I don't fit in either. Part of it may be not having an identity as well, which is a BPD trait.
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