Do you have a ...

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 06:19 PM

This isn’t specifically about BPD although I guess it could fit here?

I was wondering how many people have a “safe address” where they can say almost anything, without censoring almost everything they say.

I think that therapy is supposed to be like that.

The therapist is supposed to listen without judging, and certainly without lashing out in a mean way..

I’m not talking about parents, children, siblings, or even partners.

I particularly don’t want to hear about parents, as mine were not a “safe address” where I could just “be” and grow

MoxieDoxie · Jul 21, 2018 at 06:29 PM

No and the therapist is not even safe.

ECHOES · Jul 21, 2018 at 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

This isn’t specifically about BPD although I guess it could fit here?

I was wondering how many people have a “safe address” where they can say almost anything, without censoring almost everything they say.

I think that therapy is supposed to be like that.

The therapist is supposed to listen without judging, and certainly without lashing out in a mean way..

I’m not talking about parents, children, siblings, or even partners.

I particularly don’t want to hear about parents, as mine were not a “safe address” where I could just “be” and grow

Yes, I have experienced that with my therapist! I can say anything at all in therapy. She doesn't judge or lash out. She would never lash out. She points out how much I judge myself and how I hold myself back. She doesn't say that to judge, but to 1) let me know that she wishes good things for me, for life to feel good, and 2) to help me see what I do, and that my discomfort comes from within. It is of course the judgments and criticisms I heard growing up and which aren't helpful or even true, yet I hang onto them. .... Just writing this, I'm thinking 'why do I hang onto them?' and 'what would it be like if I didn't hold onto them?' -- next therapy session!

downandlonely · Jul 21, 2018 at 08:06 PM

I go to a support group for people with depression and bipolar, and that feels like a safe non-judgmental space for me. If they hear about abuse or think you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, they have to report it. But other than that, they keep things confidential.

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Yes, I have experienced that with my therapist! I can say anything at all in therapy. She doesn't judge or lash out. She would never lash out. She points out how much I judge myself and how I hold myself back. She doesn't say that to judge, but to 1) let me know that she wishes good things for me, for life to feel good, and 2) to help me see what I do, and that my discomfort comes from within. It is of course the judgments and criticisms I heard growing up and which aren't helpful or even true, yet I hang onto them. .... Just writing this, I'm thinking 'why do I hang onto them?' and 'what would it be like if I didn't hold onto them?' -- next therapy session!

Thanks ECHOES.. she does sound like a great therapist

Exactly.. the judgments and criticisms we heard when growing up..

They most definitely are not helpful. And as you say they aren’t even true

Good questions... do we want to hang onto them? No, I think not.

But it’s very hard not to judge ourselves when repeatedly and even maliciously judged and criticised when growing up. Grrr at that ..

Jul 21, 2018 at 08:49 PM

My home is my safe address. Hubby is a good listener and doesn’t judge. When he’s not around the dogs are also good listeners and they don’t judge either.

That’s it for me though. When the kids are around I censor myself. And with everybody else too.

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 08:56 PM

It’s a shame how this ...... world judges. It really bores me tbh.

And yes I do have a safe address...

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

This isn’t specifically about BPD although I guess it could fit here?

I was wondering how many people have a “safe address” where they can say almost anything, without censoring almost everything they say.

I think that therapy is supposed to be like that.

The therapist is supposed to listen without judging, and certainly without lashing out in a mean way..

I’m not talking about parents, children, siblings, or even partners.

I particularly don’t want to hear about parents, as mine were not a “safe address” where I could just “be” and grow

I guess this question is maybe too “complex”... I also “should” have mentioned I’m allergic to pets and do not have 103 sisters

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I guess this question is maybe too “complex”... I also “should” have mentioned I’m allergic to pets and do not have 103 sisters

No sarcasm intended to anyone here. Thanks for the replies,

I guess I was mostly thinking of therapists, friends etc.

Jul 21, 2018 at 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

No sarcasm intended to anyone here. Thanks for the replies,

I guess I was mostly thinking of therapists, friends etc.

I don’t trust therapists. I guess I just haven’t found a good one. I don’t have any close friends I open up to. I’ve regretted the times I’ve opened up because it seems like people have used the information against me. Or blabbed it to other people. Maybe I haven’t formed the right kind of friendships in the past. Pretty sure I haven’t. Doggies make the best friends ever.

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I don’t trust therapists. I guess I just haven’t found a good one. I don’t have any close friends I open up to. I’ve regretted the times I’ve opened up because it seems like people have used the information against me. Or blabbed it to other people. Maybe I haven’t formed the right kind of friendships in the past. Pretty sure I haven’t. Doggies make the best friends ever.

I agree about doggies. I’m allergic to them

.

And I don’t trust therapists either, I haven’t found a good one.

Where are they? Grrrr

Candy1955 · Jul 21, 2018 at 11:18 PM

I have no safe address, anywhere. My sister is the only one, but she is so fragile. PC is pretty good but it's censored. Makes me sad, lonely, that there is no safe place for me.

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 11:25 PM

On another forum I mentioned I didn’t want to hear about siblings, at least I think I did... and someone replied saying they have 103 sisters

Just **** off please Trolls.

Not about anyone on pc.

I’m sorry you don’t have a safe address.

I don’t have siblings. Thanks to my PUs - selfish ****ers grrrrrrrr

ShadowGX · Jul 21, 2018 at 11:32 PM

I don't have that I don't think. I guess maybe my new friend? I tell him pretty much everything, good and bad, but I don't want to make him feel bad so I know I shouldn't and I try not to. He's still a pretty new friend too. Otherwise my cats maybe count? They don't judge me, they just cuddle and purr no matter what I say, but they can't talk back.

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

I don't have that I don't think. I guess maybe my new friend? I tell him pretty much everything, good and bad, but I don't want to make him feel bad so I know I shouldn't and I try not to. He's still a pretty new friend too. Otherwise my cats maybe count? They don't judge me, they just cuddle and purr no matter what I say, but they can't talk back.

How long have you known your new friend for? Only answer if ok. I sometimes have that dilemma too, how much to tell a new friend

I have a stuffy.. I would like a dog (or cat) but have allergies.

Fuzzybear · Jul 21, 2018 at 11:37 PM

Btw I have to log off soon (it’s very late here)

ShadowGX · Jul 21, 2018 at 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

How long have you known your new friend for? Only answer if ok. I sometimes have that dilemma too, how much to tell a new friend

I have a stuffy.. I would like a dog (or cat) but have allergies.

Well, I've known he exists for like 4-5 months now, but we've only been friends for about 2 months... So really, really not a long time... But it feels like it has been a lot longer. I kinda cringe though when I realize it's only been 2 months... I've dumped a lot on this poor guy. The last really good friend that I lost I treated similarly. >.< And this has been a pretty rocky friendship. Overall though I think we're handling it ok... I think. Time will tell I guess.

Fuzzybear · Jul 22, 2018 at 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

Well, I've known he exists for like 4-5 months now, but we've only been friends for about 2 months... So really, really not a long time... But it feels like it has been a lot longer. I kinda cringe though when I realize it's only been 2 months... I've dumped a lot on this poor guy. The last really good friend that I lost I treated similarly. >.< And this has been a pretty rocky friendship. Overall though I think we're handling it ok... I think. Time will tell I guess.

He sounds like a cool guy

Jul 24, 2018 at 12:12 PM

I definitely do. I tell my therapist and best friend everything. I even tell them about each other.

I didnt meet my bestie until I was 30 but she is the person I turn to for everything and she never judges me.

Skull&Crossbones · Jul 24, 2018 at 04:29 PM

No, I do not. Things are either used against me or outright dismissed if I share it.

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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Jul 21, 2018 at 08:06 PM #4 I go to a support group for people with depression and bipolar, and that feels like a safe non-judgmental space for me. If they hear about abuse or think you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, they have to report it. But other than that, they keep things confidential.
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Anonymous47864 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 21, 2018 at 08:49 PM #6 My home is my safe address. Hubby is a good listener and doesn’t judge. When he’s not around the dogs are also good listeners and they don’t judge either. That’s it for me though. When the kids are around I censor myself. And with everybody else too.
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,326 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jul 21, 2018 at 08:56 PM #7 It’s a shame how this ...... world judges. It really bores me tbh. And yes I do have a safe address... __________________
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Candy1955 Veteran Member Member Since Mar 2018 Location: USA Posts: 605 6 495 hugs given	Jul 21, 2018 at 11:18 PM #12 I have no safe address, anywhere. My sister is the only one, but she is so fragile. PC is pretty good but it's censored. Makes me sad, lonely, that there is no safe place for me.
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,326 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jul 21, 2018 at 11:25 PM #13 On another forum I mentioned I didn’t want to hear about siblings, at least I think I did... and someone replied saying they have 103 sisters Just ** off please Trolls. Not about anyone on pc. I’m sorry you don’t have a safe address. I don’t have siblings. Thanks to my PUs - selfish **ers grrrrrrrr __________________
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,326 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jul 21, 2018 at 11:37 PM #16 Btw I have to log off soon (it’s very late here) __________________
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Anonymous57678 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 24, 2018 at 12:12 PM #19 I definitely do. I tell my therapist and best friend everything. I even tell them about each other. I didnt meet my bestie until I was 30 but she is the person I turn to for everything and she never judges me.
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Skull&Crossbones Member Member Since Apr 2018 Location: United States Posts: 280 6	Jul 24, 2018 at 04:29 PM #20 No, I do not. Things are either used against me or outright dismissed if I share it.
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