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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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Member Since: Mar 2018
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#1
I want to remember this moment, so I'm writing it mostly for me while I'm still feeling the high from it so I can reference it in the future when I have doubts. Maybe it will give others hope too, so I decided to post it here.
Yet again my friend has taken very well my being upset and let me talk my brain out with him - this despite him being tired and sick. Now, he did admit that it does "get annoying at times" when he's really tired or sick, but despite being both at the time he did damn well in allowing me to talk and giving feedback. He's not perfect. I'm not perfect. We don't expect each other to be perfect. We're aware of our flaws and are trying to work on them where possible or work around them if they can't be changed. For example, one big issue I have with him is he has a hard time being predictable, which as some of you may know is very hard for some of us BPD folk to deal with. He is trying in some ways to be a bit more predictable, but I am also trying to be more understanding (though as seen in this last weekend it's very difficult sometimes when panic starts to set in). Even though I failed my end of the deal this weekend, he was still so kind to me... I'm not sure how to describe how I'm feeling right now, other than maybe "very content". It's such a relief to have this sort of result constantly. He also really liked the present I made for him and seemed genuine about liking it, even said he prefers it to something being bought. Overall it's been such a great night and I'm so glad I was worried for nothing for a change. I just need to remember this feeling when things aren't going well again, and no doubt there will be down times again. I'm sure all of you here in this forum understand just how important a relationship like this is for us to find and just how rare it is. Most people don't care at all and those that do can give up so easily. We can be a drain on those we love because we need so much support. I've lost so many people because of this stupid disorder ruining things for me. The same can be said for most if not all of you here based on your threads. Just keep trying guys, don't give up. I truly hope everyone finds someone they can treasure as much as I treasure my friend. Of course, I do have these negative thoughts in the back of my mind telling me "they all started out this way and then left", but you know what? That's not actually true. A couple of them were similar, but also different in some key ways. I'm trying to get better about listening to my gut more than anything else and I think it's my gut saying this is good right now, that I shouldn't be afraid and it's ok to be me with him. Now to get those pesky emotions and thoughts to behave... __________________ |
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#2
Good news Shadow. Yes, good people do exist. And even good people let us down sometimes. We also let people down sometimes. Enjoy and appreciate your friendship for the blessing it brings.
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ShadowGX
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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,114
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#3
I am trying my best. This disorder does like to ruin relationships, but I'm fighting it as hard as I possibly can. I thought I was going to lose him these last couple days, but because he's so kind he wasn't bothered by the same things I've lost so many people over...
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#4
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#5
Yep good people do exist, Shadow, and you're one of them
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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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#6
Aww, thanks. x3 I try, don't always succeed thanks to this lovely disorder getting in the way...
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#7
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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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Location: USA
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#8
Hey self, remember this post? Yeah, you forgot, but it's ok, you remembered now and it's still here. This is what things were like before the meds ruined him. He'll be back, ok? Just be patient a few more days.
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#9
Just remember to return the favour to your friend if the tables are turned, and don't forget all he has done for you up to this point.
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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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#10
Indeed, I try my best to be a good friend too. I'm a mess so I don't always succeed which is what has him so mad at me right now... But I try my best.
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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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#11
If he is indeed a good people, why is he doing this? Why can't he just tell me to go away for good instead of keeping me hoping? If he isn't going away, why doesn't he say something? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he's not a good people.
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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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Location: USA
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#12
Hi doubt. I'm here to remind you again that you're unhelpful and almost caused me to do a stupid thing that would have hurt me a ton and would have been entirely unnecessary. Could you do me a favor and bugger off?
Heh, funny enough, today is actually a month exactly since the last issue when I made this thread to remind myself how good he actually is. Now we've just managed to work through the recent issue that I was sure would destroy our friendship. Here's a reminder again self, he's a good people and really does care. He's not like the others, not like most people. The others have left for less and most people would too, yet he stays. There's so many other things that make him different too - mostly good, some bad of course, but no one can be perfect all the time. We will make it through. __________________ |
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Poohbah
ShadowGX
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Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,114
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#13
Hello again doubt. Remember how I told you to bugger off? Remember how you didn't do that and instead manifested again almost immediately after? Well you were wrong again. You were just about to give up hope when he said something. You thought he was gonna get mad and tell you that you were being unreasonable. He didn't. He was again kind and patient with you and even suggested what you were too afraid to ask for.
Don't give up on him. He doesn't give up on you as difficult as you are. Be patient. It's hard sometimes, I know, but he's only human. __________________ |
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