I lied about my identity: What's the right thing to do?

First of all I would like to ask all of you to please be kind. I know what I did was terribly wrong, I had no ill intent, even though it might seem I had. Things just snowballed into this huge thing and when I realised what I had done I left this person alone. I am a single guy in my mid-twenties, living in a very small town in the United States. I only had one relationship in my life. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder and I get attached to people very easily. Because of that I avoid meeting people and as a result I have zero friends, I'm not exaggerating when I say I don't know anyone except for family members, this post will probably be my only human interaction for the day. A few months ago I was on some random reddit message board discussing a movie with a few other people when this girl replied to one of my comments. We private messaged, she asked me for my facebook and I gave her a fake one I use to just lurk around, I see no point in having a real one as I have no friends. That's when I screwed up, at first I didn't put much thought into it and when she asked me stuff about my personal info I lied about everything. Why did I lie? You may ask. I lied because I am embarrassed of telling someone that at 25 I am homebound because I am disabled, that I have no friends and that I haven't accomplished anything in life so far. Because of all this I lied. To be honest I thought that would just be a one time interaction and that would be it. It wasn't. She kept talking to me through facebook messenger and I went along with it, adding up to my pile of lies because that's how it works with lying, unless you are brave enough to admit your truth you will just keep up with the lying, you will lie to cover up the other lies and when you realise you will be drowning in them. The truth is I have developed special feelings towards her, she is so honest and seems to be such a special and kind person. When I realised what I was doing I knew I had to stop, I didn't want to lie to her anymore. All I wanted was for her to be happy, that was my only wish and as the coward I am I just vanished from her life. While she is now free from my lies I do know she has questions left unanswered, maybe she already has realised I am a liar and moved on, who knows? The truth is I am not at peace with myself, I keep thinking about what I did to her, I feel awful about it and I miss her so much. I wish I could make it right somehow. My question is, should I just leave things the way they are or should I tell her the truth? I wish she would forgive me, I wish we could have a fresh start, unfortunately that's very unlikely, I understand that. I feel like such a terrible person. I had the opportunity of meeting someone great and I ruined it. Can someone look at this from an outside perspective and give me some insight? Once again, I ask you to be kind, I already feel terrible about this whole situation, I hate myself for having done all this, I just want to make it right.

I think she'd be really pleased to hear the truth. It will make sense of things for her, and prevent her from thinking she did something wrong.

As to if she'll want a friendship / relationship afterwards. I'd say possibly not. But there's only one way to find out.

Good luck with it.

I used to play a game where I can socialize with others . Sometimes people would pester for me to use other social media to show them what I look like . I would say no but if they would not stop asking and demanding then I would show them a picture. It really would be of me but not a recent one . It would be like 5 or 6 year old pic when I was feeling better and looking better . I didn't want to show them any pics but they are the ones that kept demanding it .
You could try to make friends with some of us on here . We would not judge you for being you .
As for that girl , it's really up to you . You already did they right thing by stopping. If you want to confess to her you can but I would say only do that if that's what you really want as we don't know what her reaction will be , it could be quite negative .

I would say to let it go. She may have already moved on, and it would be very strange for her to get a message from you now, just to hear that you lied about everything. That might be frightening and confusing.


Getting forgiveness from others won't help your guilt for very long, ime. And it may make you feel worse, even, or prompt you to start lying again out of even more shame. What you really need is to forgive yourself. For lying, and for being ashamed of your truth.


The first step is to admit to yourself that you made a mistake, and you've done that. Now the best thing you can do is move on and keep this experience as a reminder, not to lie again.

I agree with Purple. I think you should tell her the truth. It seems you want to and that you won't be at peace until you do just based on your post. Sure, she might hate you for lying, but will you ever be at peace if you never try? As someone with strong attachment issues due to BPD myself, I can definitely say I would not be at peace if I didn't give it a try. I need that certain closure and it seems as though you are similar. To me, a "no, I hate you" is more comforting than no words at all.

That said, I hope you take this experience as a lesson that any interaction, as small as it may seem, can lead to something wonderful and in the future try to take them more seriously. No more robbing yourself.

I've been ghosted before. Honestly tell her the truth.

It's better for her to hear what happened from you, I know myself how hard it is to suddenly for no apparent reason have someone vanish never sending a word of explanation, it's more hurtful than just saying "this is why I vanished"