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Old 11-11-2018, 06:22 PM #1
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Default Poor medical management?

My husband has had mental health issues for 20+ years. 6 months ago he went to a day program for OCD, but was kicked out after his first week for drinking outside the program, which he knew was strictly prohibited. He tried to get back in but they told him he needed to see an outpatient therapist first and she would determine if he should return. He did and he agreed to let her consult with me. I told her my concerns 1) I've always felt his main issue is BPD, 2) He has excessive mood swings - going for weeks being manic and spending lots of money to being depressed and not showering for up to a week 3) He has been taking Valium only for years, its not effective and I felt he needed to be on a medication for mood disorders. 4) We are under extreme financial stress because he does not work, I pay all the bills and I cant afford these high therapy costs.



She agreed with me that he needed to be on medication to stabilize his moods and she also agreed that his main problem was BPD, not OCD. She also told me that when he was discharged from the OCD program, it was recommended that he have DBT and that would be considered a condition for him returning back to the OCD program.


He refused the DBT (he does not think he has BPD) and his doctor (who the therapist has consulted with several times) has done nothing to change his medications. I told his therapist that I did not feel it was appropriate for him to return back to the OCD program until he was stabilized with the proper medications and agreed to attend and show progress with DBT.



Nonetheless, she ignored this, referred him back to the OCD day program and then gave us the news that she was moving jobs to a different hospital. Well, not surprisingly, after less than two few weeks at the OCD program he was again discharged for non-compliance and again with recommendations for DBT.


I feel like this was so poorly managed and all that came out of it was a huge bill in the mail for this OCD program that he was inappropriately referred to.


Any suggestions?
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Old 11-11-2018, 06:34 PM #2
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Default Re: Poor medical management?

I can relate to this somewhat. My brother is seriously mentally ill (mostly OCD) and refuses to do therapy. For years he also refused medication.

Now he is seeing a psychiatrist who is prescribing him high doses of anti-psychotics, and I don't think they are helping with his symptoms and are causing him to gain weight. I'm lucky that I don't live with him, but my parents have to take care of him. He literally can't do anything for himself. He is in his 30s and my dad has to bathe him. Otherwise he will not shower. He doesn't flush the toilet after he uses it. Dad does that. He won't put the medication in his mouth. Dad does that too.

He was going to a residential facility for OCD, but he only stayed a few days before they made him leave. He wasn't put the medication in his own mouth, so they said he couldn't stay there. He just seems to be getting worse, and it's frustrating when he won't do therapy. There's only so much other people can do. Honestly, if he weren't my brother, I wouldn't have anything to do with him. I have to think of my own mental health first, and being around him makes me worse.

I'm just wondering if you're taking care of yourself. You shouldn't be expected to do everything for your husband when he won't comply with treatment. If I were you, I would seriously consider leaving him.
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Old 11-11-2018, 06:50 PM #3
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OMG... why am I not surprised at this? I have found, in my own case, that if I was going to get anything done correctly I had to arrange it myself. Depending on the so-called professionals to get it right was simply asking for trouble. In some cases my health insurer has been helpful. When neither I nor my wife could make any headway she contacted our health insurer & they, in turn, contacted the mental health professionals I was dealing with. Then things began to happen. (He who holds the purse strings... you know...)

Beyond that I can only reiterate, at least from my experience, one has to figure out for oneself what one needs & then go out & find it... assuming it exists at all. (Sometimes it just doesn't & then you simply have to make do.) Of course the other thing here is that your husband has to be willing to do what he needs to do in order to heal. If he will not, or cannot, there's nothing you can do to make it happen.

If the pdoc your husband is seeing isn't responsive to his needs, it may make sense to see if he can find a new doc. But this can be a challenge. Perhaps you might see if your husband would agree to having you attend an upcoming appointment with his pdoc wherein you could discuss your psych-med-related concerns. This may or may not be helpful though. My own pdoc (when I was seeing one... I don't anymore) was pretty agreeable to anything I wanted. But not all of them are. Some can be pretty arbitrary & disinterested. Still it may be worth a try. My best wishes to you both...
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Old 11-11-2018, 06:56 PM #4
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Default Re: Poor medical management?

Thank for downandlonely. Sorry you have to go through this with your brother.


I've sacrificed a lot of myself. I've asked him to move out of the house and he refuses. I know the best thing for me is to file for divorce and force him out, but once he is out I am sure he will be homeless. The only family he has is his mother and she has refused to take him in. She wont even have him stay with her a few days here and there to give me a break.



My problem (and I know its my problem) is that husband runs to our 15 year old and tells him that I want to put him on the street and then my son begs me to let him stay. I know my husband is using mental manipulation on my son and I, but knowing doesn't make it any easier to pull the plug. For the sake of my son, I am trying to stick it out another 2 1/2 years until he goes off to college but I told him today that if his dad gets any worse I will have to make the step sooner rather than later.
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