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Old 12-23-2018, 05:38 AM #1
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Trig BPD or something else...?

I'm diagnosed with BPD and PMDD (Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder). The PMDD tends to make BPD symptoms worse and happens on a monthly basis. The severity of symptoms seem to change from one month to the next. I recently (October) stopped treatment for PMDD at gynaecology and my body is now all over the place again whilst it levels back out.

So the past few months I've been hearing a voice. It only tends to happen either during 'that time of the month' or when stress is at an unmanageable level. And there's been a lot of that this year for various reasons.

This voice is... almost like mine I suppose. But younger and more darker sounding. And by darker I mean she's just in a constant mood about everything; she sounds angry and low all of the time.

She tried to really come to the surface a couple of months ago and for the first time ever I think I spoke back to her. I only told her to go away, or stop it - something like that. And she did for a bit. It was really scary and felt like a step up from the normal BPD symptoms I experience.

I once tried to describe her to an ex. The ONLY comparison I could come up with was Angelica Pickles from the Rugrats! She's that level of sass, but darker and less screechy and annoying sounding. That's who I envision she looks like though - a meaner version of Angelica, and that's saying something.

I'm going through the thick of PMDD and psychosis at the moment, and yesterday she was there constantly. Every thought I had about something, she was replying to it - sneering at it. Everything was dark and pessimistic. She encourages me to kill myself too.

The only saving grace is I'm somewhat self aware and able to push the responses to the back of my mind and generally not act out on whatever this girl is saying.

So. Is this normal? Can this be another symptom of BPD? I'm afraid it's manifesting into something else entirely, but couldn't say what as I know very little on psychosis and what other conditions could create this experience.

I start therapy on 17th January. As far as I'm aware it's the year long psychotherapy that includes DBT, but not entirely sure on that until I go for my first intro session. I just really hope it works because I'm otherwise stumped as to how I deal with this. I need to get back to gynaecology to look into and try to treat the PMDD symptoms again as well.
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Old 12-23-2018, 02:50 PM #2
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Default Re: BPD or something else...?

Did you talk to a doctor about that voice? I think it’s very important to talk with him/her.

I’m reading about dissociation in bpd and I don’t see the connection with hearing voices. It sounds more like the self distancing from your own and the circumstances around you at a particular moment.



What Is Dissociation in Borderline Personality Disorder?

“Dissociation during times of stress is one of the main symptoms of BPD. It's also associated with acute stress disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), either of which sometimes cooccur with BPD.

After years of study, researchers are now able to describe the experiences that go along with dissociation, such as:

Depersonalization: This is a feeling of separation between yourself and your body. People who experience depersonalization may say that they feel like they're observing their own body from the outside, or as if they're in a dream.
Derealization: Similar to depersonalization, derealization is a feeling of being detached from the external world, such as from other people or objects. It may cause familiar things to look strange, unreal, or unfamiliar. Derealization and depersonalization often occur at the same time”.
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Old 12-25-2018, 01:03 AM #3
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Default Re: BPD or something else...?

Hi, thank you for the response. It's something that has been concerning me a little since the first time experiencing 'Angelica'. Stereotypically I know this sort of thing isn't a 'primary symptom' for the most and I had wondered myself if it was some sort of extreme dissociation. I can be the Queen of Dissociation sometimes, and this experience was quite different.

I see my doctor on Friday and start psychotherapy on the 17th Jan, so my care is still headed in the right direction. But yes, you're right, I should mention this to my doctor... I'm not sure what could be done other than looking into meds again, but I'll talk to them.
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Old 12-26-2018, 12:40 PM #4
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Default Re: BPD or something else...?

I understand why you are so concerned about the doctors rushing to prescribe meds. Normally meds only treat symptoms but there are symptoms that are so deadly disruptive that in order to progress with any kind of psychological intervention you need first to lower these symptoms as much as possible.
The psychiatrist can provide you with the information about why you may be hearing a voice. They know how to distinguish if it can be due to dissociation or something else.
In the past, I heard voices a couple of times. I was all scared. As it was only a couple of times, I only talked with my psychologist. It was nothing serious, only I was projecting outside what I thought about me and that was, of course, very cruel. That information came back to me even in shape of a voice. I think it was more an illusion since the voices came from real people and the sound was there but I shape this sound to built exactly the words I wanted to hear.
How complicate people are, right? Lol!
Hope everything goes well in your therapy and you get to clear up your doubt soon.
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