[AzulOscuro]

I wanted to share with you this video by Dr. Grande about the core of BPD.
It seems that the most obvious is the fear of abandonment and the frantic efforts to avoid this abandonment but Dr. Grande points to the core of this disorder as a lack sense of self or a low sense of self.
YouTube

Do you agree?

[Anastasia~]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I wanted to share with you this video by Dr. Grande about the core of BPD.
It seems that the most obvious is the fear of abandonment and the frantic efforts to avoid this abandonment but Dr. Grande points to the core of this disorder as a lack sense of self or a low sense of self.
YouTube

Do you agree?

I do agree with what he said. It think that when people have little sense of self, that they might look for safety in others, hence the attachment issues.

[BWBorealis]

The fear of abandonment thing confuses me because I’m not sure if I have that in the classical sense. But what I tend to do is push people away whenever I feel an inclination of rejection or a sense of perceived abandonment. So I push and cut off before I can go through the painful feelings of being abandoned. I guess it’s just a different side of the same coin? 🤷🏽*♂️

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by BWBorealis

The fear of abandonment thing confuses me because I’m not sure if I have that in the classical sense. But what I tend to do is push people away whenever I feel an inclination of rejection or a sense of perceived abandonment. So I push and cut off before I can go through the painful feelings of being abandoned. I guess it’s just a different side of the same coin? 🤷🏽*♂️

I think you’re right. (I’m not even close to understand or knowing about it). But, I was thinking what you said and maybe, the pushing away is only a mean to seek for validation in order to check the possibilities of a more or less soon abandonment.

[Snap66]

Your research to the core needs to be where the initial actions come from or your just discussing something that most PD's have in common.
An example of that is I have AvPD and we are renown for abandonment, pushing people away, so you cant use "abandonment" because that doesn't separate your PD from mine.

Don't focus all your attention on the symptom, which in this case using your subject is abandonment/pushing people away.
Look at the emotions of a person who has BPD.
Pushing people away is a symptom of the emotion...the emotion is the core.

What makes a person with BPD tick...
What separates a individual as BPD and you find your core.

Good luck with your research.

[BWBorealis]

Yes that makes a lot of sense to me. it is a way for me to passively check whether the person I’m pushing away is willing to take the extra steps to keep me around and prove that I’m important to them and not disposable. If they do show signs that I matter that will then be validation. Often, that doesn’t happen and after a while it turns into depression.
Actively checking whether that person cares feels way too traumatizing because of the fear of criticism of being needy and weird and fear of being branded as that and never being able to escape it in the eyes of the recipient and thereafter it may become a fact about me that other close people will know about through that person. And I have the ingrained belief that being needy is horrid and that personality trait is extremely unfavorable and a sign of being broken goods.. A lot of very harsh and strict and unrelenting beliefs are intertwined with the decisions that I make. it just gets so complicated but it all boils down to fear of abandonment and rejection. It’s sooooo freaking annoying!

[BWBorealis]

Since fear of abandonment is the symptom then the core seems like a defective sense of self and a shaky identity as well.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing the video

[AzulOscuro]

You’re very welcome

[mountainstream]