[Fuzzybear]

I’m not happy that I do not have kids/cubs...

I would have done things differently than the severely abusive parental units subjected me to... all that abuse..

And the “medical community” blamed me....

I didn’t even have cubs

And they “found something” physical and scary..

And told me in the most unprofessional and callous way...

But I’d been taught well

To expect nothing but callousness and indifference

And that is what I received

And I receive it still....

As I’m so “completely wrong” I can’t do much to change this,,,

As they are “always right”

And I’m “always so wrong”

(From people irl )

(Please no “tough love” .. I’ve been subjected to this for decades. It doesn’t exactly help....)

[Fuzzybear]

why do I even bother...I “should” have given up and jumped long ago

This world would surely be better off without me. I’ve been told this by so many, much superior to me, as they know The Truth

[AzulOscuro]

Please, I don’t want you to feel criticised by me. I know how it feels to be in a desperate and hopeless situation. So, I’m by your side.
It’s hard to see how you feel without any hope. Mental Health is not easy to better. You can’t lose your hope in mental health professionals or put the blame on them. It helps you nothing. I know it’s part of some disorders to transfer the blame outside and I know you do it because you are the one who feel guilty. Until now, you did the best you could and it’s so ok. Because, you did what you had to do. Look for help and attend to places to get this help. I take my hat off in front of you, bc you did the right thing.
Not everyone have the strength to look for help.
You had bad experiences with professionals, you didn’t feel heard...that happens, and I totally believe you.
It doesn’t mean, you are not gonna find a better professional.
You know...I had different psychiatrists and psychologists, here, psychologists are the one who take over the psychological therapy. Then, psychiatrists are the ones who diagnose and prescribe therapy and meds when needed. Some of these psychiatrist are more capable than others to make the patient comfortable and worry more for the psychological part. I’m lucky with the one I have now.
But you know what in the end is more helpful? The personal work you do.
The taking advantages of the inputs you received from wherever. A book, a therapist, a friend who cares and knows how to read things and is there with you.
Only follow in this issue to professionals, other people in your life who thus that having a little of knowledge, show compassion and know how to read messages. It’s not easy sometimes to notice what is in real, trying to say a person with a remark that completely could be interpret literally in an opposite way.
There are people who knows how to do it. They know how to see the wheat within the straw.
Believe me, there are, for real, people like that. They will be able to give you the push you need but you have to do a hard work recognising it.
Open up yourself to these people and trust yourself bc you can get many things with a little of help.
I’m sorry if I could bother you with my message in any part of it.

[zapatoes]

Sorry FuzzyBear, feel better soon. Did you want to have kids?