How do I cope at home? - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 03-11-2019, 09:10 PM #1
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TeaFruit TeaFruit is offline
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Member Since: May 2017
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Member Since: May 2017
Location: Kiwi Land
Posts: 138

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Default How do I cope at home?

Does my mum have narcissim or is it BorderLine NARCISSISM Disorder? I need to know what I'm dealing with here I know that no one can give a full diagnoses unless they are psychologist and saw the person and evaluate them. I just need some kind of grounding what I'm dealing with and what to do about it.

So my background.
I was daignose with traits of BPD 3 years ago.
When I was 11 I was diagnosed with OCD.

I always remember my mum getting angry over small stuff and even now she does.
It be like for example say you had your small art drawing book on the coffee table in the living room,she would get enraged about that. Or when I try to cook in the kitchen she would freak out about the mess.

There time where I spilt small amount of flour on the floor and she would write a note and place it on the kitchen bench with arrows pointing to clean this.


She very obsessed about mess and things always have to be tidy like a show room house.

She always has to be right.
I notice this when we were at a family friends for Christmas party and she was telling the family friend how she is wrong and she raise her finger and said "I'm right because I'm the oldest".

She wont hear you out. She would talk over you.

If you ask a question say it relates to my sister not eating enough. She will get irritated and hostile.

When I said to her how my cousin will meet us at dinner. She said to me "Now dont you bring it up". Which was my cousin issues with his mum. She said that to me more than once before. So you always feel spoken to as a child.

I'm 28. I dont need to spoken to a child.

She use to call me names. For example she call me *****, pig or selfish.
It be situations when I wanted to put my wet clothes in the dryer not hang them out. So she say I'm a pig and self fish.
Or she call me these names and I will cry and she wouldn't care. I dont recalled any memory of her comforting me when I cry. I was always left alone to cry, I can remember back to the age of 4.

Anyway, back to the pig,selfish thing. One day I stood up for myself and said "You not going to call me those names anymore!" And she said to me "you just diffcult" I said to her "grandma wouldnt say that to anyone"
And we call knew grandma wouldnt. She was very strong catholic. From then on she stopped calling me those names.


She would get in these werid rants this was 5 years ago. But she started yelling to herself over and over "you dont have a life any more". I could hear her from outside the house.

If she gets angry at you or if you are upset. And say you walk away and cool off and you came back she will act as if everything is ok. She wont apologised or anything.
It happened to my father before I or my sister was born. He went for a walk a 7km or 14 miles and got back and she pretended as if none thing happened. No apologies none thing.

About 7 years ago mum once got a knife and held it to her chest in front of me and my sister saying should she kill herself. It was very scary because you didnt know if you took the knife would she stab herself and if you did none thing would she would stab herself. She luckily put it back in the kitchen draw and went to her bedroom and closed door. I went to stay at my partner house. My mum never apologizes to me but she apologize to my sister.

She would project her frustration and blame me or things. like the water bill, but didnt take in note my sister boyfriend was staying at a period of time and change his clothes twice a day and so twice the washing.

Or blame my dad or me for say the butter gone, or the bath room spray is gone. When what happened was it fell put the window caus sour cat jump out the window.

She get upset if you dont dry the shower down with a towel.
Or put the bath matt not on bath anymore it has to be over the shower rail.

My mum would come home from work and complain about work and her manager. One day she will hate her manager and then next day me and my manager work well together. It's always back and forth. Very confusing.

Or she decide not to be friends with some one at work anand be kind to them not friends. But then she be friends with them again.
She think people gossip and talk behind her back. Or that person cant be trusted.

I recalled 3 years ago I had a shower at the evening because I was anxious. I already had shower at the morning. But I was trying to calm myself down. Then she got my dad to turn off water when I was having a shower. I asked her if she turn off water and she broke a smile and said yes. I told this to my therapist and mum some how talk to my sister and got my sister to ring my therapist and told them they got the wrong story.
How I found out? Well, my sister got angry at me and exploded and said that.

My sister even try to get my therapist home number which she found. But they decided not to ring thank goodness.

She always seek vaildatation the way she looks
So this was.just yesterday I heard my mum.saying "hey do you think I look slim"? To my sister. But my sister wasnt where she was so she found her and ask same thing. Or she used my nail ploish to paint her toe nails and we are in mid conversation and she say randomly what you think of my toes. I ignored it and finish the conversation topic we were having.
And then she still went back to toe nails and got up and show her toes and I had to say they look good twice.
There was another time when I was speaking to dad and she got this new shirt and interupted to show her new shirt. Or when I washed my feet and afterwards she said "ooooo...your feet nicer than mine"? I'm thinking I just washed my feet cause they were dirty not to make them look nice.

My mum does not know how to vaildated period!

Its werid cause she provided food and cook dinners but the emotional support is zero.

I will add a few notes. She once at one point thought the house was haunted and when I did mindfulness she thought I was.conjuring or talking to demons..

She is now a manger at a library. So she can work
Just werid how she able to.manage work but at home.she a different person.

She would listen to my sister rhours about her problems.. I mean literally hours. But not me.



Dont know if that helps what I wrote to give anyone any idea what she has.
All I know is , its upsetting my metal health and it's hard to cope in DBT therapy when you always vulnerable at home and in emotional mind all the time.
I know the answer is to move out. But I dont have a job and very scared to get a job because I have lost jobs due to discrimination or I left because of emotional, verbal abuse and that was all retail work.

I do get sick benefit money from goverment because that what our country does luckily. I can move out with that. It's just moving out I be by myself and I have no job so I dont know how that would affect my.mental health. Then there is flating with people I experience socail anxiety too.
So I feel I'm stuck in a hard rock. My therapist reckons it be best if I get work or voulteering work before moving out. I see my therapist point. Just hard to cope with my mum and my sister too.

Does anyone have any advice how to cope with my mum while I find work?
Also what sounds like roughly my mum has. Slow I know what I'm dealing with?
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