[AzulOscuro]

In my case, I was at school when I saw how much I suffered when I had an argument with one of my best two friends.
Then, at 15, at secondary education, I felt I found trouble to fit in. I have been in a private religious school with only girls. I chose to go to a public Secondary Education Institute where I left behind that horrible uniform and I can interact also with guys. As I mentioned before I found impossible to see myself as one more. The last straw for a deep crisis that made me lose a course that I, then, had to repeat, was that my school best friend, dropped the school and I felt completely vulnerable and unable to cope. She even had a boyfriend so our contact was pretty diminished.
Since then, it began a downhill so up to isolated myself when I was 17. I cut off any engagement with socialising for seven years. I was only on myself and trying to survive. Studying and dedicating my time to read, learn, listen to music...all in my isolate world where I found myself sadly comfortable.

Never felt appreciate or listened by my dad. I was the oldest of my siblings. Indeed, he was about to give me in adoption to my godfather whose wife couldn’t have kids. I never understood this or question him about it.
My dad had a golden heart, I swear it, but he had also psychological issues. My mum was so busy and scared of my dad that she couldn’t deal with so much things, even when she was and is a very strong and active person. I don’t blame them. I was already born with my temperament and I know for sure, it played a big role.

Do you want to tell a little about your beginning?

[Skeezyks]

Wow... what am interesting thread! Thanks for sharing your experiences.

I'm not sure what to even say about myself. (I undoubtedly also couldn't be diagnosed as having BPD at this point in my life. I've thought sometimes, when I was younger, it might have been possible I could have been. But I don't really know.)

My own "issues" started well before I even have any conscious memory. And in fact, to a large extent, I don't even recall realizing that what was going on with me had anything to do with mental health. I had been doing everything I was doing for so long it was just what I did. At some point, I began to develop a sense that it was not "normal". But it was still my "normal", if that makes sense. Of course the other problem was that way back when I was young no one talked about mental health issues. They were something to be feared, ashamed of & hidden. I learned very early in life, I don't know how, that there were things about myself I must never tell anyone. And so I didn't. (I still don't for the most part.)

I think I had pretty good parents considering the times during which I grew up. By today's standards they were, perhaps, lacking. But you can't judge what occurred 60 years ago by today's standards. (At least that's what I keep telling myself.) I think if they had had a normal son, all would have gone well. But a normal son is not what they got & they had no idea what to do. So they did nothing. And everything simply developed as it would. That's all I can say...

[avlady]

I had scarlet fever as a child and was hallucinating and I think that was what made me be how I am today. I know it has a lot to do with it. I was 5 yrs old. I have yellow teeth from it too. I also got rheumatic fever a few years ago too.

[Unforgiven1]

I'm not sure there was one moment I noticed that I was different from others. I guess, my whole reason of being who I am is a life long duration of being hated and rejected. If you would like I will share but it will be kinda lengthy if that's ok?

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Wow... what am interesting thread! Thanks for sharing your experiences.

I'm not sure what to even say about myself. (I undoubtedly also couldn't be diagnosed as having BPD at this point in my life. I've thought sometimes, when I was younger, it might have been possible I could have been. But I don't really know.)

My own "issues" started well before I even have any conscious memory. And in fact, to a large extent, I don't even recall realizing that what was going on with me had anything to do with mental health. I had been doing everything I was doing for so long it was just what I did. At some point, I began to develop a sense that it was not "normal". But it was still my "normal", if that makes sense. Of course the other problem was that way back when I was young no one talked about mental health issues. They were something to be feared, ashamed of & hidden. I learned very early in life, I don't know how, that there were things about myself I must never tell anyone. And so I didn't. (I still don't for the most part.)

I think I had pretty good parents considering the times during which I grew up. By today's standards they were, perhaps, lacking. But you can't judge what occurred 60 years ago by today's standards. (At least that's what I keep telling myself.) I think if they had had a normal son, all would have gone well. But a normal son is not what they got & they had no idea what to do. So they did nothing. And everything simply developed as it would. That's all I can say...

Thank you. It seemed to me a good idea to introduce ourselves and knowing better among us, at least, the most habitual ones in this sub forum.

In regards to your reply, you explained it very well and still I think you have to be very cautious with who you share any psychological issue with. I’m not saying that people are out there as crocodiles waiting to know about our weaknesses to snap us. But the outcomes, in the end, may be not the best for us.
That takes me to my second reason for this thread. It might help people to express themselves here, with more people, if it saved them from sharing with one particular individual, that perhaps, could be more risking.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by avlady

I had scarlet fever as a child and was hallucinating and I think that was what made me be how I am today. I know it has a lot to do with it. I was 5 yrs old. I have yellow teeth from it too. I also got rheumatic fever a few years ago too.

I understand. Were you for much time apart from other kids to avoid transmitting the disease?

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Unforgiven1

I'm not sure there was one moment I noticed that I was different from others. I guess, my whole reason of being who I am is a life long duration of being hated and rejected. If you would like I will share but it will be kinda lengthy if that's ok?

Of course, I would like to hear it if you want to share and feel comfortable with it.
I’m sorry a lot that you lived rejection.

[Unforgiven1]

It started the moment I was conceived. I was an unwanted pregnancy,because of my father's disbelief in abortion here I am. My father has told me several times I wasn't wanted. I knew early on I was different. I always wanted to play dead, I would find boxes and make a grave for myself. My father always yelled at me telling me to be right in the head. My mother was an alcoholic and drank heavily when my father went to work driving a semi. He was home for a week and gone for a week. My mother always walked away when my dad started yelling at me. I believe I am the reason my mother drank. My mom died of cancer when I was 15. That turned my world upside down. I had no other choice than to be with my father. My sister was married and her husband hated me with a passion. Trying to be close to my sister was a nitemare. My dad remarried 1 year after my mother passed. My stepmother is possibly bipolar or something similar and will act like a friend when she wants something but turn around and bad mouth me immediately afterwards. It has been like this from day 1. I've dated quite a few women in my life. When I was 19 I got a gf pregnant. We were very happy together and we both wanted to be parents. She didn't tell me that she used me to get pregnant because of a dare she had with another gf of hers. She ended up falling deeply in love with me. We were together for 4 years. One day she tells me she doesn't love me the way she should anymore. A few months later we break up. Long story short, I had to sign my parental rights away for my daughter, it was best for her.
A few years later I meet someone else,she gets pregnant we try to stay together even though we hated each other. She messed up and got our daughter taken from the state we spent a year fighting to get her back. She got adopted and I had to sign my rights away again. My father and stepmother still make my life a living hell.

[AzulOscuro]

Thank you for sharing.

[Sporty McDaniel]

I was 15 or so when I started to think I wasn't right in the head...but that's only when I first was able to look inside my head...I had always had problems and was first circumcised at birth without anesthesia, and I remember it and the pain, then I was left alone in my bedroom as an infant, then my mother proceeded on a program of slapping my face as soon as was old enough to start walking. The slapping continued until I was about old enough to complain, around the 2nd grade or so. So, I was set up to have problems, definitely. But age 15 was when I became depressed in earnest.

[callingforthesun]

it started when i was a kid... when i was upset it went beyond the normal tantrums...i broke stuff; i was physically abusive to my brother. i couldnt calm down. i had irrational fears. i SI for the first time when i was 11 and i still struggle with it to this day. i definitely had the impulsiveness and depression as early as high school. relationship problems started as early as college...the flipping out, punching walls, the not being able to listen, the telling people off and kicking people out of my life i never learned to deal with conflict so anger has always been something i just cant figure out how to deal with

[GoldenSnitch]

I’ve always had the temperament for it and my mom would withhold love if I didn’t do something right while I was growing up. I got bullied all through school for not being normal. It was around age 14 that I started with depression and an eating disorder but looking back I can see lots of my bpd traits from at least that age. I had a lot of risky sex as a teenager, drank too much, started cutting, would often get in fits of absolute rage, etc. I didn’t get officially diagnosed as bpd until I was 31. I struggled all those years with treatments that didn’t work (and still am struggling with this today) but now I know why.

[Caprinaholic]

I definitely had some problems growing up - my mom has her own issues that are a big factor in mine - but I didn't start to really become self aware about them until high school. I was doing ok at that point, I'd moved in with my dad and had a lot more stability, but after getting into a bad relationship and moving out on my own things went south fast, and the last 10 years has been a disaster.