I need saving from myself - long and TW - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-27-2019, 06:30 PM #1
GoldenSnitch's Avatar
GoldenSnitch GoldenSnitch is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 533
GoldenSnitch GoldenSnitch is offline
Veteran Member
GoldenSnitch's Avatar
GoldenSnitch has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 533

3 yr Member
21 hugs
given
Default I need saving from myself - long and TW

Tw... self harm
X
X
X
X
I sit here on a leave from work in self-destruct mode. Iíve been cutting again after going nearly 7 months without. I have a bottle of wine with my name on it and Iím thinking about how I can hurt myself. I canít tell anyone because nobody gets it and Iíd freak them out. I feel nothing and yet I feel everything so deeply it hurts. My thoughts are racing so fast I canít keep up. Iím seeing pdoc Friday to fill out a form so that I can get disability pay from work and he forgot one of my meds when I saw him Monday so Iím going to run out and have withdrawals. Iím afraid work thinks Iím faking it. Iím afraid Iím going to die alone. Nobody will come to my funeral. Nobody will miss me. I have nothing of value to offer anyone. I looked up a dbt program thatís about 45 minutes from me and Iíll have to take out a small mortgage to pay for it. Iím already stressed about money. I spend impulsively and my credit card is out of control. I hate my job and the thought of going back to work brings on a panic attack. I want to go back to school but I donít know how Iíll pay for it. My house is a disaster because I havenít gotten out of bed in 3 weeks. I donít remember the last time I washed my hair. Iím a sh***y parent because I canít even be around my daughter because I donít want her to see me like this. Sheís going to look back on her life and remember mommy always being sick and in the hospital and sleeping. Except I canít sleep now. I havenít slept in 4 nights. I just lie awake or if I happen to doze off for a few I have a nightmare and canít get back to sleep.

Iím so sick of living like this.

Thank you to anyone who read all of that rambling. I just needed to get it out.
GoldenSnitch is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old 03-27-2019, 06:32 PM #2
downandlonely downandlonely is offline
Poohbah
Chat Moderator
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 2,403
downandlonely downandlonely is offline
Poohbah
Chat Moderator
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 2,403 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
7 hugs
given
Default Re: I need saving from myself - long and TW

Hi GoldenSnitch. I'm sorry things are so bad right now. The fact that you haven't slept in 4 nights could be a big contributor to how you're feeling. If you're not safe, maybe you should consider going inpatient.
downandlonely is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-27-2019, 07:07 PM #3
GoldenSnitch's Avatar
GoldenSnitch GoldenSnitch is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 533
GoldenSnitch GoldenSnitch is offline
Veteran Member
GoldenSnitch's Avatar
GoldenSnitch has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 533

3 yr Member
21 hugs
given
Default Re: I need saving from myself - long and TW

Quote:
Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
Hi GoldenSnitch. I'm sorry things are so bad right now. The fact that you haven't slept in 4 nights could be a big contributor to how you're feeling. If you're not safe, maybe you should consider going inpatient.


Iím considering inpatient
GoldenSnitch is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-27-2019, 11:21 PM #4
Caprinaholic's Avatar
Caprinaholic Caprinaholic is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: WA
Posts: 42
Caprinaholic Caprinaholic is offline
Member
Caprinaholic's Avatar
Caprinaholic :P
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: WA
Posts: 42

16 hugs
given
Default Re: I need saving from myself - long and TW

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenSnitch View Post
Tw... self harm
X
X
X
X
I sit here on a leave from work in self-destruct mode. Iíve been cutting again after going nearly 7 months without. I have a bottle of wine with my name on it and Iím thinking about how I can hurt myself. I canít tell anyone because nobody gets it and Iíd freak them out. I feel nothing and yet I feel everything so deeply it hurts. My thoughts are racing so fast I canít keep up. Iím seeing pdoc Friday to fill out a form so that I can get disability pay from work and he forgot one of my meds when I saw him Monday so Iím going to run out and have withdrawals. Iím afraid work thinks Iím faking it. Iím afraid Iím going to die alone. Nobody will come to my funeral. Nobody will miss me. I have nothing of value to offer anyone. I looked up a dbt program thatís about 45 minutes from me and Iíll have to take out a small mortgage to pay for it. Iím already stressed about money. I spend impulsively and my credit card is out of control. I hate my job and the thought of going back to work brings on a panic attack. I want to go back to school but I donít know how Iíll pay for it. My house is a disaster because I havenít gotten out of bed in 3 weeks. I donít remember the last time I washed my hair. Iím a sh***y parent because I canít even be around my daughter because I donít want her to see me like this. Sheís going to look back on her life and remember mommy always being sick and in the hospital and sleeping. Except I canít sleep now. I havenít slept in 4 nights. I just lie awake or if I happen to doze off for a few I have a nightmare and canít get back to sleep.

Iím so sick of living like this.

Thank you to anyone who read all of that rambling. I just needed to get it out.
First of all, get your meds handled. Withdrawal is no joke. Pharmacies can usually give you an emergency supply (3 days or so) to make sure you can last until you get your refill. Some meds it's not allowed though; if that's the case you can let your doctor's office know that you're going to run out and they can probably push the refill through before your appointment. I know it's hard to deal with that stuff when you're feeling this way, but you don't want things to get worse.

If going inpatient is an option for you and you feel it would be helpful, go for it. There are times when I could probably use it but it's not possible for me. If you decide not to do let your doc know how much you're struggling so they can help you as much as they're able.

I wish I had some advice for you about cutting. I used to do it in high school but I stopped a long time ago, and I don't really remember what motivated me to quit. I do know that it took a long time for the urges to go away, it was definitely harder at first like any addiction. But they will if you can stick with it. My mental issues are worse than they ever were when I cut, but my brain doesn't think of it as an option any more. Early on I got a tattoo over my scars, as a deterrent because I didn't want to ruin the tattoo. That did help a bit.

If you talk to your pdoc or anyone else about it make sure they understand the difference between cutting and a suicide attempt. Hopefully mental health professionals will know that. I had the cops called on me once when someone saw, and that's the last thing you want to deal with right now.


Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
__________________
Current meds: Lamictal, Cymbalta, Welbutrin, Ambien
Caprinaholic is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:44 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.