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SadTransference
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Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Atlanta, GA
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Default Apr 19, 2019 at 03:55 PM
  #1
I have dealt with this illness for a very long time, however I didn't know exactly what it was I was dealing with until about 10 years ago.

I've known for a very long time that something was wrong beyond the typical depression/Social Anxiety DX I've gotten for years from both T's and PDocs. That was in part my fault as I often hid from the Doc/T my suicidal thoughts and the self harm out of shame/embarrassment or just not even being able to come to terms with that in myself.

When I finally realized I needed to accept that part of myself and actually talk about it, I was looking at personality disorders (such as BP and Antisocial) - but in my mind none of them really fit. I was even at one point on Anti-Psychotics for BP. However once I started learning about BPD it was like - OMG that describes my chaotic, screwed up life to a "T"!


Now the issue for me is that the T's and Docs I've seen up till now don't really believe in "labeling" me as BPD - that it does more harm than good, etc (maybe that is their "polite" way of not really believing me??). Unfortunately the T's and Doc's I see are, at this point mostly through the county mental health system and generally seem adverse to giving a BPD DX for whatever reason (correctly or incorrectly), and I can't afford to find someone that (in private practice) might give me the "correct" dx (assuming BPD is the "correct" DX - I so really want to know for sure!).

Part of the reason I want a concrete DX is the fact that "everyone" says: DON'T ever self DX, which to me, despite recognizing every trait, symptom, and actions(s) describing BPD as ME, is something that shouldn't be done. But so far I haven't found anyone willing to consider the possibility, especially since I am an "older" male and there are still a LOT of professionals (at least in the County mental health system in GA) that still consider BPD to be primarily about Women, and if anything males are primarily (should be?) DX'ed as anti-social, etc.


So how do I square the fact that deep down I earnestly believe that I am Borderline without the stigma of "SELF-DX". I guess in part I also want the validation that an actual "real" DX would give me, that this illness is just not "all in my head" (so to speak!). I'm not really worried about the STIGMA of BPD DX like some are.


Does this make any since????


Thanks for "listening"!
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Smile Apr 20, 2019 at 10:33 AM
  #2
Hello SadTransference: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the men-focused support forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/men-focused-support/

You mentioned you're an "older male". I don't know just how old you are, of course. I really am an older male... (well, sort-of... it's a long story.) I'm 70! And despite the fact I kicked around the mental health system for a good 15 years or so, before I finally left it all behind, I never did receive anything in the way of a diagnosis. I suppose there must be something written down somewhere for insurance purposes... probably depression. But it's not based on anything. I still sometimes wish I had received one. If nothing else, I'd know where to post here on PC.

I once read the book Lost in the Mirror. And, based on what I read in that book, I thought it was possible I might have been diagnosable as having BPD when I was younger. That would probably not be the case any longer. But I've been told that BPD tends to burn itself out as a person ages. And I've certainly done that. Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on what is referred to as the "quiet borderline". And I've thought that, were I able to be diagnosed as having BPD, it would be of that variety. Here's a link to that video:

YouTube

One psychiatrist I saw, suggested there might be a "bipolar element" to what was going on with me. And having read about bipolar 2, I can see where that might fit as well.

One thing you might do, here on PC, is to take some of the quizzes & tests that are on offer. Here's a link to the listing of quizzes & tests that are available:

Psychological Quizzes and Tests

And then here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject of BPD plus links to 6 additional articles on the subject of BPD in males as well as on BPD in general:

Borderline Personality Disorder: Symptoms & Treatments

Men Can Have Borderline Personality Disorder, Too

An Interesting Mix: Male Borderline Personality Disorder | The Exhausted Woman

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...u-should-know/

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/b...ng-with/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/dialect...isorder/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-gift...lity-disorder/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Apr 24, 2019 at 03:58 PM
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