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Old 04-23-2019, 11:35 PM #1
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Trig I want ...

Possible trigger:
but I am not sure anymore if its from my BPD, depression, anxiety, or PTSD.. all of them are being triggered and it's killing me.

BPD and depression are like totally triggered at the moment .. but since I have "psychotic depression" - I am not even sure if the psychosis is from the BPD or the depression. I just know its back. Not as bad as it used to be though. So far it's just flickering images or bugs that don't really freak me out much. It used to be people.. goblin type creatures .. and once, a full scene (my whole view changed). The people and creatures used to talk to me to degrade me .. make me feel bad about myself - except there was one .. that just glared at me. But like I said - for now, this .. is just flickering images or bugs. So I am thankful for that but still wish it would go away.

I know my BPD is full on again though bc I cannot control the black n white thinking. I used to have that under complete control. Didn't even have to think about it anymore. I am back to the abandonment issues everytime my husband leaves the house, even just to get something out of the car - I freak out. But then there is the suicidal ideation - could be depression, PTSD, anxiety, BPD. Even getting urges to SI back (haven't done that in about 10yrs)... again ... no idea which one that is. Anxiety is full on again too, had a major attack today. The only one that is not full on (yet) is PTSD. How do I differentiate which is which? How do I regain control (can't find a counselor currently)? I am soo confused and really having difficulty getting answers... really going crazy bc of that too - havd 0 patience, turns to self hatred when nobody responds... ugh ... everything I had controlled is coming unwound 🙁🙁🙁
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Old 04-24-2019, 02:22 PM #2
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Old 04-24-2019, 02:29 PM #3
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Default Re: I want ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Crypts
Thanks for caring Fuzzy ❤
Seriously beginning to think not many do ...
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Old 04-24-2019, 03:53 PM #4
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Thanks for caring Fuzzy ❤
Seriously beginning to think not many do ...
I feel that way sometimes too

I think many here do care. My post in this forum has no replies. I think this forum is very quiet at the moment

As for in real life.. it sure seems that not many care,
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Old 04-24-2019, 05:12 PM #5
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Default Re: I want ...

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I feel that way sometimes too

I think many here do care. My post in this forum has no replies. I think this forum is very quiet at the moment

As for in real life.. it sure seems that not many care,
It's not just this forum. It's everywhere. And thank you.
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Old 04-24-2019, 05:25 PM #6
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Old 04-28-2019, 06:02 AM #7
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Default Re: I want ...

I have a lot of the same symptoms. They get all mixed up into one neurotic hot mess. The only blessing is that, even though it feels like forever, most of the time the BPD episodes pass pretty quickly. If I can keep my mouth shut, I don't piss too many people off. When I can't be still and quiet, I have the self-loathing, regret, and depression to deal with. CPTSD creates times when I can't think for myself, and I am running around like a maniac. I have had some success with my husband using methods for helping PTSD sufferers. Not going into a blackout and dissociating is horrible itself, because ALL the feelings engulf me at once and I feel like I am in a hole or a warp or something. But at least I don't do harm to myself or others, physically or verbally. I don't know where one disorder ends and another begins, but I know I have more than one. Hugs and support. MT
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Old 04-28-2019, 06:31 AM #8
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Default Re: I want ...

I care, crypts. Some ‘loved ones’ don’t really care. You can get some caring wherever you can find it.
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Old 04-28-2019, 11:16 AM #9
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Default Re: I want ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Misfit Toy View Post
I have a lot of the same symptoms. They get all mixed up into one neurotic hot mess. The only blessing is that, even though it feels like forever, most of the time the BPD episodes pass pretty quickly. If I can keep my mouth shut, I don't piss too many people off. When I can't be still and quiet, I have the self-loathing, regret, and depression to deal with. CPTSD creates times when I can't think for myself, and I am running around like a maniac. I have had some success with my husband using methods for helping PTSD sufferers. Not going into a blackout and dissociating is horrible itself, because ALL the feelings engulf me at once and I feel like I am in a hole or a warp or something. But at least I don't do harm to myself or others, physically or verbally. I don't know where one disorder ends and another begins, but I know I have more than one. Hugs and support. MT
That's what's so frustrating this time. Normally I can control it all. This time its all out of control. And what's worse - there are times I honestly don't care they are .. especially if I am angry. And that's weird too. I'm severely depressed - yet, I can get red hot angry in a matter of seconds if someone says or does the wrong thing - n then I don't care what I say to them (which is not my normal self).

But then - there are times if someone says or does the wrong thing - I hate myself and/or life n want to die (again, not my normal self).

So .. it's all confusing to me. I've never had the anger issues before.
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Old 04-28-2019, 11:17 AM #10
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Default Re: I want ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I care, crypts. Some ‘loved ones’ don’t really care. You can get some caring wherever you can find it.
Thank you ❤
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