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misfit77
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Default May 13, 2019 at 08:43 PM
  #1
My relationship with my husband is not good. I probably should have ended it a long time ago but I have very little self esteem and I also did not want to be single. I love him, but lately I can’t stand him. We have 3 small children together with complicates everything. I do not want my children to grow up with us separated (yeah yeah I know often it’s better-I don’t want to hear that). When I have gone through break ups before they devastate me completely. It takes me ages to get over it. I end up angry, so damn angry. I end up hating the person, or wanting them back.

I guess I want to start preparing for it. If he ended out relationship tomorrow I would lose it. I’d be a disaster. If he moved on with someone else the anger I’d feel would be all consuming. So how do I do that. How do I start separating myself from him? BPD just complicates everything.
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Default May 18, 2019 at 11:35 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by misfit77 View Post
My relationship with my husband is not good. I probably should have ended it a long time ago but I have very little self esteem and I also did not want to be single. I love him, but lately I can’t stand him. We have 3 small children together with complicates everything. I do not want my children to grow up with us separated (yeah yeah I know often it’s better-I don’t want to hear that). When I have gone through break ups before they devastate me completely. It takes me ages to get over it. I end up angry, so damn angry. I end up hating the person, or wanting them back.

I guess I want to start preparing for it. If he ended out relationship tomorrow I would lose it. I’d be a disaster. If he moved on with someone else the anger I’d feel would be all consuming. So how do I do that. How do I start separating myself from him? BPD just complicates everything.
Im sorry but we cant tell you how to get out of your marriage or how to separate yourself from your husband only you can do that...

my suggestion is talk with your treatment providers, they can help you look at all the various parts of your life and decide what you want to do about it.

for me when I was in a not so good relationship before I met my wife. I would talk with my treatment providers, they were great at helping me to look objectively at all parts of my life and do what I felt was best for me.
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Default May 21, 2019 at 03:58 PM
  #3
I wish I had an answer, but separating from a serious relationship is going to be painful, and I don't think it can be avoided. Staying can be painful too. I don't know if there is a way to prepare yourself, but speaking to a counselor or professional might help. I see a counselor, and I find it does help to share my thoughts and inner talk. Sending hugs.

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Default May 28, 2019 at 08:16 AM
  #4
I am in a toxic relationship and need to leave. I agree with the above poster and the pain can not be avoided. Great luck to you (((Hugs)))

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annoynomous2
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Default Jun 05, 2019 at 08:49 PM
  #5
What I wonder in my similar situation is it the BPD talking or is it really the best thing to do if I was super balanced and healthy. What is the healthiest thing for you and the kids? Could there be some transformation in the relationship? Could you make a change inside. The mindfulness for me has been night and day (I do not see people as blacj and white and an extension of myself like before). I have to constantly challenge myself. BPD can get better and often feel an empty sense of self, they may not know what they really want because they may not even know themselves.
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Default Jun 21, 2019 at 08:56 PM
  #6
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What I wonder in my similar situation is it the BPD talking or is it really the best thing to do if I was super balanced and healthy. What is the healthiest thing for you and the kids? Could there be some transformation in the relationship? Could you make a change inside. The mindfulness for me has been night and day (I do not see people as blacj and white and an extension of myself like before). I have to constantly challenge myself. BPD can get better and often feel an empty sense of self, they may not know what they really want because they may not even know themselves.

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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 06:30 PM
  #7
I am sorry you are having problems. I wish I could give answers, but I'm having the same problems myself, both with my husband and someone else. I'd do anything just to get away without feeling like crap, but there's no answer. I hope you can find a way.

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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 08:24 AM
  #8
Hi misfit, I am sorry you are going through a hard time. I just read a good book called codepdant no more that might help you, it talks about detaching from someone. I know life can be so hard but I hope you can find your way.
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Default Sep 07, 2019 at 01:05 AM
  #9
My BPD makes me paranoid. So it's hard for me to know if I even have a clear grasp of the situation.

If you mentioned this to your husband, he might be shocked you are even considering leaving, because you spun some thing up in your head.

If it's a really bad situation, you need to look out for your kids first.

But make sure you're not being paranoid
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Default Sep 11, 2019 at 02:24 AM
  #10
Hi misfit77. So sorry to hear you're feeling so conflicted. Anonymous2's and Spacemarine's posts are a great place to start! I'm guilty of ending relationships just because of what was happening within me, that had nothing to do with the relationships I was in. I'd get overwhelmed with my own emotions that I couldn't see straight. Then again, I've had some toxic to me relationships, too. Sometimes, I simply can't tell the difference - that's when a neutral 3rd party, like my therapist, is a life saver for me. I hope you find the guidance you need for your particular situation.

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Default Sep 13, 2019 at 12:23 PM
  #11
Hey @misfit77
What about your relationship with your husband is not good?
Quote:
Originally Posted by misfit77 View Post
My relationship with my husband is not good. I probably should have ended it a long time ago but I have very little self esteem and I also did not want to be single. I love him, but lately I can’t stand him. We have 3 small children together with complicates everything. I do not want my children to grow up with us separated (yeah yeah I know often it’s better-I don’t want to hear that). When I have gone through break ups before they devastate me completely. It takes me ages to get over it. I end up angry, so damn angry. I end up hating the person, or wanting them back.

I guess I want to start preparing for it. If he ended out relationship tomorrow I would lose it. I’d be a disaster. If he moved on with someone else the anger I’d feel would be all consuming. So how do I do that. How do I start separating myself from him? BPD just complicates everything.

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