Empty

I have this great empty feeling sometimes -- some people will say, something, such as "Well, if you know you're empty, then you aren't!" That is quite irritating. I can navigate my emotions. I know when I'm empty, I know when I'm not. I've been full of emptiness and rage lately -- these feelings might take me over and I'm hoping they won't... don't know if I can handle any more pain. I'll get through it like everything, I guess.

Many of my posts here are similar. Don't really enjoy posting but at 3 am I don't really have anywhere else to go seeing as most are sleeping. At this moment I'm not very empty but am full of rage. How to express this creatively? I don't know, paint a ******* picture? I'm tired of people regarding me like I'm a ******* preschooler with blocks. There are many people in life, I find, who would rather throw certain phrases and words at you than talk to you like a person. I'm a real human being with real emotions -- stop treating me like I'm a robot.

This is just a rant I suppose, I want to stop feeling things. I'm not self-pitying either -- not that it's a bad thing if others are -- I'm just not doing that.

Everyone is empty until they find what fulfills them.
Welcome to life

Oh dear... awake at 3 a.m.! I know from my own experience that everything can seem more bleak at those hours. I don't know why that is. Perhaps it has something to do with serotonin levels or something?

I used to wake up in the middle of the night & not be able to go back to sleep. So I'd get up & do a sort of walking meditation for an hour or so. I'd walk slowly around-&-around our dark & quiet home. I'd hear the sounds of the city off in the distance. Thoughts would come-&-go. I'd simply watch them as they arose & faded. I liked this so much I used to look forward to doing it. (My wife had a different perspective which is why I haven't done it in a while now.)

You mentioned expressing anger creatively. Here's a link to a blog by one of my favorite article writers here on PC: "Make a Mess: Everyday Creativity" by Margarita Tartakovsky:

Everyday Creativity

Bride, since it’s the middle of the night may I suggest Game Of Thrones? Anger, emptiness, hatred, violence, blood, guts, direwolves — all the sturm und drang an anguished young person could want. Oh, and incest too. 😡. And it lasts for multiple seasons!

Hello sadveiledbride,

I'm sorry that you feel empty. I frequently feel empty. Since a very, very young age. I don't really know what to tell you because I don't understand it myself. Though I certainly don't think you are insincere or like a toddler or something. I've been told that feeling empty or numb is due to attachment issues or feeling too intensely at times so the brain numbs out in self-defense. I don't know if I buy that. Sometimes I think it is due to existentialism...for me anyway...I don't know my purpose or reason for existing or if there even is a reason so I feel horribly hollow. I do know that some humans (friends I've dared to ask) never feel this way or at least are not aware of it. And that is interesting to me. But again, that's not an answer and I'm sorry.

Likely not helpful to you but I hope you know you are neither alone nor the only person who feels this way. For what it's worth, I hope your emptiness disappears one day. And if it does, give ol' Silver Trees a shout and share your secret!!!

I've done this too, many times Skeezyks. And, like you it was not appreciated by those I lived with....in childhood or adulthood.

Thank you for sharing. You’re certainly not alone.

You’re not like a preschooler with blocks...you’re a human being like I am and feel what you feel.

Some people seem to have all the answers, except in reality they don’t.
hugs to you

Feel free to rant any time :

Good post, thanks Skeezyks