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Ccc0102
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Salem Oregon
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3 yr Member
Default Sep 05, 2019 at 10:04 PM
  #1
Please let me start off by saying I don’t ask for help. Ever. But I need it and I don’t know where to start.
I have struggled with depression my entire life and was not diagnosed with bpd until a few years ago (I am now in my thirties). The diagnosis did nothing but help me figure out why I felt the way I did. I received no treatment that helped and I decided to tackle it on my own.
I recently moved from Florida to Oregon and thought that a change of scenery would do me some good and motivate me to get out and go hiking.
It turned out to only take away my comfort and put me somewhere completely unknown and I have never felt worse about my life.
My relationship is going on 3 years and I can’t say it’s been a happy 3 years. My boyfriend is patient and stubborn otherwise I’m sure he would have been gone a long time ago. I’ve put him through hell and the trust is nonexistent.
I’ve had 3 jobs in the past 2 months. I cannot hold it together long enough to stay. I feel overwhelmed and that I’m understood by no one. This is why I’m here. I’m breaking. And I don’t know how much more I can take. Please. Anyone. Help me.
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MrsA
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Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Nevada
Posts: 308
3 yr Member
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Default Sep 06, 2019 at 12:32 AM
  #2
So sorry for what you are going through. I find relocating really stressful too, especially the first night sleeping in a new home. There's a scary sense of having left everything you knew behind and the darkness in a new bedroom always felt blacker and emptier than your old room. I read recently that moving was ranked among the most stressful life experiences along with events like deaths in your family so don't beat yourself up of you have had a hard time adjusting.

As for your boyfriend, you must not be that bad if he is still around. I'm usually on the receiving end of someone that I suspect of having bpd and the fact that you are willing to acknowledge that you have a problem is refreshing and honest. Given a chance (and if not for my fear of moving), I would run away as fast as I can, so the fact that your boyfriend is staying with you is a good sign. He must have positive reasons for having you in his life.

Could you possibly identify the reason you cannot stay at your jobs? The real reason is usually hidden beneath the more obvious reasons. Just to give an example, if the superficial problem is tardiness or poor concentration, it could be caused by something like lack of sleep, which could be cause by anxiety or having too much to do in the evening, which could be caused by other issues. I'm not an expert but I like to analyze things which can make me a bit neurotic so please ignore my advice if it's off the mark. I just like to get to the bottom of thing by finding out what caused something and what caused the cause until you get to the root cause and look for a solution to that.

I find that posting in forums like this really helps when I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes you get good advice and other times you just feel better for having said what you are going through. I've been going through a bad patch myself and constantly worry that I appear like a negative person around "normal" people. It sucks to be misunderstood. You sound like a really nice person so I hope you can find new friends in Oregon soon and feel like you belong. Do you have any hobbies or interests? Havng things you enjoy doing alone helps a lot. My hobbies are probably the only things that keeps me sane because there is always something I want to do, something to check on, something to wait for or look forward to. I like knitting and keeping an aquarium (fish and decorating/maintaining a tank are a pleasant distrations). What do you enjoy doing?
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nicoleflynn
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Default Sep 06, 2019 at 07:05 AM
  #3
Perhaps seek therapy?
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Calmlittlebuddha
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Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: Buffalo
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Default Sep 06, 2019 at 08:42 AM
  #4
So sorry that you are struggling. I am sure that moving across the country is stressful beyond belief. I would think that each day would get a little easier since you will become more familiar with your surroundings. I know relationships can be hard for us but at least you have a partner to go through life with, I wish I had somebody to lean on during the hard times. i know couples therapy can be really helpful for some people. Maybe try and find a job that issimilar to what you did before you moved or.something that is low stress for right now. I hope this helps a little. Let us know how you're doing.
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Maranara
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Location: Idaho
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Default Sep 07, 2019 at 07:33 PM
  #5
I moved from Florida to Idaho 7 years ago because of a BPD incident. No, it doesn't help. Please go on YouTube and bring up some Mindfulness videos and give them a try. Meditation and Mindfulness is the only thing that has helped me at all. Also, audios on YouTube of Pena Chodron. It's not a quick answer, but I promise you, it will help. The more mindful you are, the better you'll be able to cope. Best of luck to you. I do understand.

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Kathleen83
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Default Sep 11, 2019 at 02:36 AM
  #6
So much of what you wrote resonates within me. Hugs to you!! You mentioned that prior therapy helped you understand why you are you, but didn't help you deal with the overwhelming stuff. Maybe a different therapist or counselor would help? Over the years, "this" therapist helped me with "that", but not with this "other" stuff. Some, I've walked out on after the 1st session. The one I'm currently with, I'm very hopeful about. Hold on, and keep finding the strength that's gotten you this far, to get further. All the stuff I deal with....started up in my teens. Have lived in more states than I care to remember. More relationships and jobs than I can count. I'm in my 50's now. Married 17 years. Work life is a shambles, but I'm working on it. Wasn't diagnosed with PTSD and BPD until this year. So yeah, things can get better, and you can learn how to live more calmly. There is help out there. There's support, and people who "get it" - starting right here, in this forum.

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Diagnosed:
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BPD
Major Depressive Disorder Moderate
Manic-Depressive Psychosis


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mountainstream
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Default Sep 25, 2019 at 08:15 PM
  #7
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