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DanM
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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 01:20 AM
  #1
How can a BPD person be diagnosed if she does not admit the sympthoms?

Even tho she has kinda all the symthoms (without the extreme impulsivity and self harm), she does not admit them.


She says she does not have a big fear of abandonment - but almost daily she wanted reassurances that I don't leave her, asked me different questions to verify this, dreams of me leaving etc - of course all this she will not tell to the psy

She says she has been all the time very attached of me and she appreciated me - however plenty days she was very mean and distant, not talking, for no reason, not even regarding towards me etc - of course she will not tell this to the psy (maybe she is not even aware she is like that often)


She says that she does not have big of a emotional swings, she says is because she is only a little tired - but almost every day she's like a different person (either depressed, detached, either happy, distant, loving, energetic etc)



She says the unstable relationships that she only had is only because she was "unlucky" or the others were not attached to her, she does not admit on having a fault on this

etc etc

She says to me that she often has feeling of emptiness (but I don't think she will tell to the psy), definitely concentration problems (often she does not listens when I talk to her), big mood changes for no reason, periods feeling down, does not sleeps very well, gets very concerned/paranoid for very little things, very bad self image even tho she's pretty etc

How can a psy diagnose within 1h a stranger if she does not admit nothing?


As she is more of a "high functionning quiet borderline" to me, and also I saw her symthoms only after a few months of living with her, I really don't think a psy can diagnose her.

What is the solution then? She will go see a psy, not admit anything, he will say she does not have bpd. She will put even more blame on me for insisting that she has a problem...
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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 11:05 AM
  #2
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Originally Posted by DanM View Post
How can a BPD person be diagnosed if she does not admit the sympthoms?

Even tho she has kinda all the symthoms (without the extreme impulsivity and self harm), she does not admit them.


She says she does not have a big fear of abandonment - but almost daily she wanted reassurances that I don't leave her, asked me different questions to verify this, dreams of me leaving etc - of course all this she will not tell to the psy

She says she has been all the time very attached of me and she appreciated me - however plenty days she was very mean and distant, not talking, for no reason, not even regarding towards me etc - of course she will not tell this to the psy (maybe she is not even aware she is like that often)


She says that she does not have big of a emotional swings, she says is because she is only a little tired - but almost every day she's like a different person (either depressed, detached, either happy, distant, loving, energetic etc)



She says the unstable relationships that she only had is only because she was "unlucky" or the others were not attached to her, she does not admit on having a fault on this

etc etc

She says to me that she often has feeling of emptiness (but I don't think she will tell to the psy), definitely concentration problems (often she does not listens when I talk to her), big mood changes for no reason, periods feeling down, does not sleeps very well, gets very concerned/paranoid for very little things, very bad self image even tho she's pretty etc

How can a psy diagnose within 1h a stranger if she does not admit nothing?


As she is more of a "high functionning quiet borderline" to me, and also I saw her symthoms only after a few months of living with her, I really don't think a psy can diagnose her.

What is the solution then? She will go see a psy, not admit anything, he will say she does not have bpd. She will put even more blame on me for insisting that she has a problem...
Diagnosing a disorder is not just about whether a person admits to having symptoms and problems. theres actually a lot of things treatment providers go by... medical history, life style a persons cultural background, what medications they are on, what and how they word their sentences, computerized tests, face to face interviewing, … did you know that even computerized tests have whats called validity scales and hesitation scales, this test a low score says a disorder and that test a high score says a disorder.... even inconsistancies in what is being discussed can point to certain disorders.

my suggestion is to let your friend worry about whether she has a mental disorder and you go back to just being her friend, it may be causing her some distress that you may feel like she has a mental disorder which may be causing her to lie to you or not admit things to you that she would otherwise admit to her own treatment providers. bottom line is that its no one elses business whether someone has a mental disorder or not, here in America we have whats called privacy laws that means no one other than her own treatment providers need to know anything about whether or not she has a mental disorder. she could be just protecting her mental health rights to privacy by not admitting to having symptoms and problems associated with mental disorders. just be her friend and leave the mental disorder stuff to her would be my suggestion since she obviously doesn't want you to know or diagnose her.
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DanM
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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 11:50 AM
  #3
Thank you for the answer and suggestions.

I just hope the psy will be good enough to diagnose her correctly. If he says she does not have anything, she will just think everything she does is normal and that is just because she is unlucky that she did not have a stable relationship till 33 years old...

I don't know if she does not want me to know about it or diagnose her. She seemed very honest in general.


I think she just does not think she has a problem, or that is not very big her problem. She admits that she's not very stable emotionally, but she surely does not even think of having BPD.

For her, a BPD must be like a real mad man from horror movies with very very intense crisis... of course she is not that, but she does have the majority of symptoms (if she is observed long enough) even tho she does not admit them...
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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 01:41 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by DanM View Post
Thank you for the answer and suggestions.

I just hope the psy will be good enough to diagnose her correctly. If he says she does not have anything, she will just think everything she does is normal and that is just because she is unlucky that she did not have a stable relationship till 33 years old...

I don't know if she does not want me to know about it or diagnose her. She seemed very honest in general.


I think she just does not think she has a problem, or that is not very big her problem. She admits that she's not very stable emotionally, but she surely does not even think of having BPD.

For her, a BPD must be like a real mad man from horror movies with very very intense crisis... of course she is not that, but she does have the majority of symptoms (if she is observed long enough) even tho she does not admit them...
let me ask you this... what do you want out of this relationship? why am I asking that … because relationships are not about whether or not someone is mentally ill and will or wont admit to it. its about feelings of love, common interests, spending time together..

right now you see her one way and she sees herself as being another way.

your options are....

accept that she thinks, says and does things differently than you do and continue to be her friend

of you don't accept that she thinks, says and does things differently than you do and leave the relationship behind.

bottom line is that its her body, her mind and if she doesn't want to admit to you a mental illness she does not have to. you either accept her for how she is or you don't and move that's how relationships work.
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Default Sep 26, 2019 at 06:23 PM
  #5
Hoping if she does see a shrink she's given more than the 15 minutes given usually in this forest … which isn't particularly helpful.

I wish you luck whatever you decide.

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DanM
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Default Sep 27, 2019 at 12:06 AM
  #6
Thank you.

I just want that her be able to understand that she really might have BPD (which is not something strange or very uncommon in the world). That in order to better understand even herself, and improve, maybe to do the DBT.


If she thinks she's entirely normal (and the psy even confirms that to her!)... surely she will not at all want to improve...
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Default Sep 27, 2019 at 09:33 AM
  #7
Hi DanM. New member? Welcome to Psych Central. It's up to her to decide to get help, accept help, and do the work necessary to try to live a better, healthier life. Trying to push her, and second guess her p-doc, isn't going to get you, or her, anywhere good.

To address your questions:

How can a BPD person be diagnosed if she does not admit the sympthoms? Diagnosis can take time to achieve. As therapy goes deeper, more things come out, and the P-doc can gain a clearer picture of what is going on.

How can a psy diagnose within 1h a stranger if she does not admit nothing? Well, this could the crux of your problem. Why is she going to a p-doc, if she doesn't want to "admit anything"? Maybe the p-doc recognized that she was being pushed by outsiders to attend, and wasn't ready to do the work to get better.

What is the solution then? Another answered this all ready, but I'll chime in for reinforcement. The solution is for you to back off. The journey to a better life must be an individual journey. You can be supportive, or you can hinder that journey, but either way, you can't force someone else to make that journey.

I know it can be heartbreaking to watch others struggle, and that you want to help her all you can, but, you can't. All you can do, really, is accept her as she is, if you want her in your life, or choose to walk away, if who she is, how she is, is too much for you to handle.

There is an excellent forum here, for family and friends of those struggling with issues. It might help you on your own journey. Here's the link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/partn...ivers-support/

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Default Sep 27, 2019 at 10:43 AM
  #8
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Thank you.

I just want that her be able to understand that she really might have BPD (which is not something strange or very uncommon in the world). That in order to better understand even herself, and improve, maybe to do the DBT.


If she thinks she's entirely normal (and the psy even confirms that to her!)... surely she will not at all want to improve...
ok Im going to be a bit bunt here …. something that happened to me...

I was dating this woman (Im a woman, here in the USA same sex dating and same sex marriage is legal and ok no problem there right)

this woman was constantly pushing at me to admit to her that I had Autism. I refused time and time again over and over until my self esteem went down, my self worth went down, I became suicidal because I loved this person but felt nothing, nothing was going to please this person more than having me admit to being mentally ill. why I could not figure out why they wanted me to be mentally ill so badly.

To shut this person up and get them off my... back side to put it nicely I agreed to see a pdoc to be assessed for Autism. Pdoc said no I do not have Autism. this love of my life refused to accept the fact that I was not Autistic. they kept pushing me and pushing me and pushing me, I attempted to take my life and thank everything there is that I did not succeed. when I left the hospital the love of my life was police escorted out of my life for emotional abuse.

this person entered another relationship and did the same thing to another. that person was stronger than I was and recognized something. they agreed to have a diagnostic evaluation done on one condition, that the person pushing autism on her go through a psychiatric evaluation also... the person that was pushed did not have autism but the person doing the pushing to have her admit to having a mental disorder was arrested for.... fictitious disorder imposed on others, domestic violence and emotional abuse...

now maybe you can understand why we are telling you that its her body and her mind and she does …..not...… have to admit to you or anyone else something like having a mental disorder.

its time for you to think about why you are so insisting that she has a mental disorder when professionals may say she does not. why is it so important to you that she be / have a mental illness.

my point is you are treading in dangerous waters trying to self diagnose and make this person admit to something that might not even be there at all.

if the Pdoc says she does not have a mental disorder then she does not have a mental disorder.

its time for you to decide whether you can accept her for how and who she is, a normal person that does not have a mental disorder, or not accept the fact that she is a normal person with out a mental disorder and move on out of the relationship or seek treatment for yourself to understand why for you its so important that this person tells you who is not her treatment provider that she has a mental disorder that she may not have....

bottom line its her body her mind she does not have to say she has a mental disorder to you.
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Default Sep 29, 2019 at 03:20 AM
  #9
It's not that it is "important for me that she has a mental disorder". Juts that I think she can improve only if she knows what she has. And to be properly diagnosed it is very difficult, because a psy I don't think he can in just 1h see everything about her. Because in her mind nothing is wrong, she doesn't lie neither, she just see the things a little different (for example, she says she was very attached to me all the time - she seems not to remember that every 3 days she was very distant and not talking without any reason; a psy will try to see if she changes her mood and way of being with her close ones, but I don't know how can he see this).


I am not very ok with the statement: "if the psy says she's ok, then surely she is ok". What if the psy is not good? What if he did not diagnosed her ok? What if it was impossible for him to diagnose her that fast? Of course it can be possible that she is indeed ok, but not 100% sure.


Finally yes, you are right, I cannot really change this and normally should not matter for me, this should be a individual problem.

My question is also a general one. Not necessarily regarding me.


Because I do think that the majority of people are not properly diagnosed. Not getting good diagnose => impossible to try to heal/improve. Often maybe also the psy does not have all the good skills to do this, but more often because is almost impossible to see the real problem in just one meeting.


Thank you for the answers.
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Default Sep 29, 2019 at 04:30 AM
  #10
Only licensed and qualified mental health professionals can make such a diagnosis. They will use the DSM and a professional assessment. If you are not a licensed and qualified mental health professional, you cannot make the diagnosis, even if you are following the DSM diagnostic criteria. It doesn’t matter if you know the person more than their pdoc or feel that they might have this or that. You cannot make such a diagnosis.

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