My beau told me he thinks I’m BPD

I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was an adolescent. I was always describe as “sensitive”. I’m often told I catastrophize everything. I have backup plans to backup plans for everything. I obsess about situations and ideas sometimes. I do have mood swings. Depression is a challenge. I have experienced self-harm since adolescence and have been hospitalized for it. I have extreme attachment issues with relationships. I don’t ever hate anyone though. I’ve been divorced twice. I often feel rejected and seriously insecure.

My therapist diagnosed me with Bipolar II. I have been taking an antidepressant and mood stabilizer. But I still feel “wrong”.

My boyfriend told me a few days ago he googled it and thinks I have BPD. Of course google is not ever a good idea. I was initially insulted and my feelings were hurt. This happens a lot. My feelings get hurt really easily in romantic relationships. Well- let’s face it— all relationships. But I am comfortable enough to say something in my personal relationships.

On the outside I am functional. I have a full time job, I pay all my bills, I am well spoken and stable. I am the steady one that everyone else comes to for help and support. I support everyone else.

But I can’t support myself emotionally. Behind closed doors I am impulsive, prone to anger or sadness, spend too much $, and irrationally obsess with certain things. I want to be perfect.

I guess I’m just lost. I read the symptoms sticky and it resonates. I am generally stable as it relates to day to day living. I am responsible; sometimes to a fault. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I track my health. I am conscious of my diet. And I take it personally if someone I know doesn’t act like this. I have decent credit (my 2nd divorce tapped me out though). I have multiple vehicles, run a horse training business on the side of my day job. I keep myself super busy because when I’m not busy I lose myself.

In relationships I’m just a mess. I need constant validation. And once someone says something harsh or hurtful, I can’t stop from it hurting me. Especially when my beau leaves during arguments. He gets in his car and I just lose it. If I get lied to, I perseverate.

Does this make any sense? I have an upcoming appointment with my therapist. But I’m sitting here obsessively thinking about what my beau said and it’s driving me mad. I do that— get stuck on these feelings. That most folks wouldn’t think twice about. I trust everyone innately. To a fault. But I also distrust them. I once had an abusive ex and I felt bad when I got him thrown in jail for beating me up.

Sorry word rant going here. I’m feeling keyed up now.

Hey @jaymoq-
I think you will find this article very interesting.
The relationship between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaymoq I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was an adolescent. I was always describe as “sensitive”. I’m often told I catastrophize everything. I have backup plans to backup plans for everything. I obsess about situations and ideas sometimes. I do have mood swings. Depression is a challenge. I have experienced self-harm since adolescence and have been hospitalized for it. I have extreme attachment issues with relationships. I don’t ever hate anyone though. I’ve been divorced twice. I often feel rejected and seriously insecure. My therapist diagnosed me with Bipolar II. I have been taking an antidepressant and mood stabilizer. But I still feel “wrong”. My boyfriend told me a few days ago he googled it and thinks I have BPD. Of course google is not ever a good idea. I was initially insulted and my feelings were hurt. This happens a lot. My feelings get hurt really easily in romantic relationships. Well- let’s face it— all relationships. But I am comfortable enough to say something in my personal relationships. On the outside I am functional. I have a full time job, I pay all my bills, I am well spoken and stable. I am the steady one that everyone else comes to for help and support. I support everyone else. But I can’t support myself emotionally. Behind closed doors I am impulsive, prone to anger or sadness, spend too much $, and irrationally obsess with certain things. I want to be perfect. I guess I’m just lost. I read the symptoms sticky and it resonates. I am generally stable as it relates to day to day living. I am responsible; sometimes to a fault. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I track my health. I am conscious of my diet. And I take it personally if someone I know doesn’t act like this. I have decent credit (my 2nd divorce tapped me out though). I have multiple vehicles, run a horse training business on the side of my day job. I keep myself super busy because when I’m not busy I lose myself. In relationships I’m just a mess. I need constant validation. And once someone says something harsh or hurtful, I can’t stop from it hurting me. Especially when my beau leaves during arguments. He gets in his car and I just lose it. If I get lied to, I perseverate. Does this make any sense? I have an upcoming appointment with my therapist. But I’m sitting here obsessively thinking about what my beau said and it’s driving me mad. I do that— get stuck on these feelings. That most folks wouldn’t think twice about. I trust everyone innately. To a fault. But I also distrust them. I once had an abusive ex and I felt bad when I got him thrown in jail for beating me up. Sorry word rant going here. I’m feeling keyed up now.

no offense to your beau but my suggestion is go according to your own treatment providers..

1. your beau is not your treatment provider so he/ she has no professional right to say you are a or any mental disorder or lead you to question your own mental disorders and treatment providers.

2. googling online will not get your beau any real way of diagnosing or factual way of diagnosing whether you have a mental disorder or not...

all googling will get your beau is what was called a mental disorder in 2013. your beau will not have the every 6 months, yearly and monthly supplemental updates that treatment providers get that change the diagnostics, change what symptoms and problems are deleted or added to the disorders. all a person who googles a specific mental disorder will get is the information that someone else has posted online.

line in the sand is that there is information about mental disorders that only treatment providers get to know about. which means there is a reason why your treatment provider diagnosed you with bipolar not BPD. for all your beau knows is what he / she may be seeing and self diagnosing as BPD can now be part of bipolar disorder.

only your own doctors can tell you what your mental disorders are and why. heck you don't even have to share with your beau that you have any mental disorder or none at all. you can if you choose to let the beau believe what they want to believe and you go on with your life the way you want to. just because you are a certain way with the beau does not make you a specific mental disorder these days and most places now have privacy laws. even in countries outside the USA have moved into privacy for their mentally ill folks.

my point if this was me I wouldn't worry about the beau, they are going to believe what ever they want to believe and may continue to google or otherwise self diagnose others but I see it as who cares what others think. whats important to me is what my own treatment providers have diagnosed me with and what their treatment plans are for me. that's all that really matters. my friends and family can accept me for how I am and who ever I am or they can to put it like I recently told someone who told me they thought I had a specific mental disorder...if I bother you take a hike, I don't want anyone in my life who is going to try and self diagnose and other nonsense. my mental health is no one elses business but my own and my treatment providers. they left and Im all the more healthy by not having someone in my life that is constantly trying to tell me I have problems that I may not have and has not been diagnosed in me by my actual treatment providers.

I have Bipolar 2 and Borderline Personality Disorder and both very much overlap so it's more rare to be dually diagnosed to my understanding. That said, if it bothers you, look into seeing a mental health provider and talking about it???

Hi jaymoq. Hope you're feeling stronger today. I don't know if you've had that appointment you mentioned or not. I do hope you've shared your thoughts and feelings with your therapist. Continued therapy, and exploration of how and what you and think and feel, is definitely a good direction to go in. Over the years I've been variously diagnosed with many things. Sometimes things that seemed to fit, sometimes not. As others mentioned, there can be over lap between this and that diagnosis. There can also be more than one thing going on. In my particular case I was in therapy for one thing, when the therapist brought it to a screeching halt and said yup, you have that, but you also have BPD, and we need to deal with that first. Have you considered that maybe the same might be true for you, and you and your therapist just haven't hit that point yet? Also, as hard as life can be for those of us who struggle with psychiatric issues, it can be just as tough for the people who care about us. Keep traveling the path to a better life. Try to hold onto the trust that your therapist can help you navigate those feelings, urges, actions, and even relationship issues.