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Default Oct 10, 2019 at 12:51 PM
  #1
Hi all,

There is so much stigma and bias towards the Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis.

For those with BPD diagnosis, how has this impacted you?

What might you tell a helping professional in order to get them to understand their methods as abusive / ineffective / invalidating / condescending?


Thanks,
HD7970ghz

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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 04:02 AM
  #2
I was misdiagnosed with BPD years ago. After being re-evaluated as an in-patient at a trauma treatment facility (twice, on two separate occasions, plus by other therapists long before the BPD and immediately after), I can tell you that I'm pretty sure I don't have it. Nonetheless, when I received treatment for this diagnosis (in the form of a year-long DBT course), there was much stigma to go around. I lived in a halfway house at the time with others who had mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, schizoaffective, PTSD, substance use disorders, etc. I was the only one (mis)diagnoed at the time with BPD. The social workers who ran that semi-independent halfway house told me, "You borderlines always cause trouble," right after I had reported a rape that happened to me to the authorities. I was homeless at the time, so when I entered their program, I was a mess. I lost my careers, my money, everything. I willfully gave my daughter up for adoption not long prior to my becoming homeless. I was also silenced at the time by my past military sexual traumas, so I never brought those up when I tried to seek treatment for my current rape. Because I was depressed and suicidal, and because dissociative identity disorder wasn't even been screened, the anti-psychotic medications they gave me had an adverse reaction on me. I dissociated, lost time, self-injured while I lost time (I'm NOT a self-injurer, as evidenced by my age of onset - age 30 - and my many diagnoses before and after all related to PTSD only). I was not allowed to cry, so I was quickly told my emotion regulation issues needed to get under control. (Little did they know, however, that I had a hard time expressing emotion until I finally broke from all those homeless and post-rape stressors, and from losing time and not being believed.) They put all those symptoms together, as opposed to looking at iatrogenic effects of the treatments they were giving me based on their assessments of psychosis, and many told me that "Borderlines make up rape all the time, that I needed to stop wanting attention." This was all in the early 2000s.

I never self-injured before the age of 30! I only self-injured when I dissociated on anti-psychotics. The psychiatrist I saw took me off the meds after I begged for a re-evaluation, which they said initially that "all borderlines say that," and they found that my conditions and my self-injury and my appearance of psychosis decreased a lot. For two years I was monitored without any meds, and they knew that I would only benefit from talk therapy after that. I don't remember self-injuring myself; later I found out it was an alter who was dared by a member of the DBT group to self-injure, while I was under the influence of anti-psychotics and dissociative. My self-injuries only occurred for a period of six months while I was on anti-psychotics. I never had problems with self-injury since they weaned me off those meds. I still lost time, however, and dissociated, but thankfully I left the DBT group after completing all their modules. It wasn't for me.

Also, no one even asked me if I were a veteran, and no one cared to even ask me about my past accomplishments or my strengths. If they had, they would know that the latency of my symptoms were not normative for those with true BPD diagnoses.

As in another thread you had made, I related more to CPTSD than BPD, as I didn't have many of the symptoms that those with BPD have, if they looked at my childhood and early adulthood accomplishments. There's no way a person with BPD could pass polygraphs and the police reserve academy, for example! All of those psychosocial history components were negated in place of the present-day symptoms, many of which were due to the meds they gave me.

After I realized that DBT was "common sense" to me and also making me worse by peer deviancy (one of the members from that group stalked me repeatedly after I tried to befriend her but later told her that I couldn't hang out as much or didn't feel comfortable) as well as emotional subduing. I needed to express my emotions and cry. It was a frustrating period; my needing to maintain the silence of my victimizations were once again reinforced.

That said, those I've gotten the privilege to know who have BPD (I mean real BPD, not a misdiagnosis), often said that they felt judged, labeled, invalidated, undermined, misunderstood, mistreated, shunned by therapists who blatantly told them that they were "too complex" for treatment, and infantilized (in a condescending manner). I cannot speak for those with BPD, but I can tell you that the way they are treated is awful!

As a person who has that misdiagnosis on my record, even though it has been ruled out by many therapists before and after that time I was misdiagnosed with it, I can NEVER get certain jobs that I would have been eligible for now because it was recorded once on my record. Once is enough, even though it was a misdiagnosis!

Thankfully, I have an honorable discharge - always have, never had to change it. However, many veterans were not as fortunate as I. Many veterans who dealt with military sexual trauma were misdiagnosed with BPD, and thus got less-than-honorable discharges coupled with no service-connected disabilities to substantiate their MST claims. They were disbelieved, and their records forever tarnished. Their dreams dismissed. At the age of 30, my dreams became tarnished as well.

I feel for anyone who truly has that disorder; it's a hard disorder to manage, and it's even harder with the stigma surrounding it.

Overall, the BPD diagnosis affects more than those with BPD; it affects those who were misdiagnosed with BPD as well!

Last edited by Anonymous42119; Oct 14, 2019 at 04:17 AM..
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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 04:56 AM
  #3
I’m lucky that my psyd says dealing with trauma and bpd type stuff is what he’s good at. He doesn’t make me feel shunned

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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 View Post
I’m lucky that my psyd says dealing with trauma and bpd type stuff is what he’s good at. He doesn’t make me feel shunned
Would you mind sharing what he has done to help facilitate your recovery? Perhaps we can learn from this.

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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 03:00 PM
  #5
I’ve had a strange journey with mental health professionals; saw many, several possible diagnoses tossed around and doubted by them and by me. It wasn’t an overall good experience and I stopped seeing anyone. Forget helping professionals— I helped myself! Generally, I didn’t get a sense from any of them that they were necessarily thinking of me poorly and unfairly. Some of them made comments that sent me reeling and I didn’t want to talk to them again— ( that’s therapy?). There were some videos about BPD on the internet that were incredibly condemning and hurtful to anyone with BPD— Don’t watch them!

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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 03:32 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by lillib View Post
I was misdiagnosed with BPD years ago. After being re-evaluated as an in-patient at a trauma treatment facility (twice, on two separate occasions, plus by other therapists long before the BPD and immediately after), I can tell you that I'm pretty sure I don't have it. Nonetheless, when I received treatment for this diagnosis (in the form of a year-long DBT course), there was much stigma to go around. I lived in a halfway house at the time with others who had mental illnesses, including schizophrenia, schizoaffective, PTSD, substance use disorders, etc. I was the only one (mis)diagnoed at the time with BPD. The social workers who ran that semi-independent halfway house told me, "You borderlines always cause trouble," right after I had reported a rape that happened to me to the authorities. I was homeless at the time, so when I entered their program, I was a mess. I lost my careers, my money, everything. I willfully gave my daughter up for adoption not long prior to my becoming homeless. I was also silenced at the time by my past military sexual traumas, so I never brought those up when I tried to seek treatment for my current rape. Because I was depressed and suicidal, and because dissociative identity disorder wasn't even been screened, the anti-psychotic medications they gave me had an adverse reaction on me. I dissociated, lost time, self-injured while I lost time (I'm NOT a self-injurer, as evidenced by my age of onset - age 30 - and my many diagnoses before and after all related to PTSD only). I was not allowed to cry, so I was quickly told my emotion regulation issues needed to get under control. (Little did they know, however, that I had a hard time expressing emotion until I finally broke from all those homeless and post-rape stressors, and from losing time and not being believed.) They put all those symptoms together, as opposed to looking at iatrogenic effects of the treatments they were giving me based on their assessments of psychosis, and many told me that "Borderlines make up rape all the time, that I needed to stop wanting attention." This was all in the early 2000s.

I never self-injured before the age of 30! I only self-injured when I dissociated on anti-psychotics. The psychiatrist I saw took me off the meds after I begged for a re-evaluation, which they said initially that "all borderlines say that," and they found that my conditions and my self-injury and my appearance of psychosis decreased a lot. For two years I was monitored without any meds, and they knew that I would only benefit from talk therapy after that. I don't remember self-injuring myself; later I found out it was an alter who was dared by a member of the DBT group to self-injure, while I was under the influence of anti-psychotics and dissociative. My self-injuries only occurred for a period of six months while I was on anti-psychotics. I never had problems with self-injury since they weaned me off those meds. I still lost time, however, and dissociated, but thankfully I left the DBT group after completing all their modules. It wasn't for me.

Also, no one even asked me if I were a veteran, and no one cared to even ask me about my past accomplishments or my strengths. If they had, they would know that the latency of my symptoms were not normative for those with true BPD diagnoses.

As in another thread you had made, I related more to CPTSD than BPD, as I didn't have many of the symptoms that those with BPD have, if they looked at my childhood and early adulthood accomplishments. There's no way a person with BPD could pass polygraphs and the police reserve academy, for example! All of those psychosocial history components were negated in place of the present-day symptoms, many of which were due to the meds they gave me.

After I realized that DBT was "common sense" to me and also making me worse by peer deviancy (one of the members from that group stalked me repeatedly after I tried to befriend her but later told her that I couldn't hang out as much or didn't feel comfortable) as well as emotional subduing. I needed to express my emotions and cry. It was a frustrating period; my needing to maintain the silence of my victimizations were once again reinforced.

That said, those I've gotten the privilege to know who have BPD (I mean real BPD, not a misdiagnosis), often said that they felt judged, labeled, invalidated, undermined, misunderstood, mistreated, shunned by therapists who blatantly told them that they were "too complex" for treatment, and infantilized (in a condescending manner). I cannot speak for those with BPD, but I can tell you that the way they are treated is awful!

As a person who has that misdiagnosis on my record, even though it has been ruled out by many therapists before and after that time I was misdiagnosed with it, I can NEVER get certain jobs that I would have been eligible for now because it was recorded once on my record. Once is enough, even though it was a misdiagnosis!

Thankfully, I have an honorable discharge - always have, never had to change it. However, many veterans were not as fortunate as I. Many veterans who dealt with military sexual trauma were misdiagnosed with BPD, and thus got less-than-honorable discharges coupled with no service-connected disabilities to substantiate their MST claims. They were disbelieved, and their records forever tarnished. Their dreams dismissed. At the age of 30, my dreams became tarnished as well.

I feel for anyone who truly has that disorder; it's a hard disorder to manage, and it's even harder with the stigma surrounding it.

Overall, the BPD diagnosis affects more than those with BPD; it affects those who were misdiagnosed with BPD as well!

Lillib....

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You pulled and yanked on my heartstrings. I am so sorry you went through this. You very clearly know what it takes to survive the dark and scary world. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to hear your story. And thank you for posting so many insightful and beautiful things on these forums! I have enjoyed reading your posts and I look forward to many more.

I have bolded many parts in your post for the sake of this post. Feel free to elaborate if you want, but there is no pressure.

You are so unbelievable right about the condescending comments made towards survivors of abuse and those diagnosed with BPD. There is so much abuse by healthcare staff it makes me sick. I have heard therapists say that healthy people will react and stand up for themselves if they are emotionally abused / mistreated - but then if they should stand up for themselves in a hospital setting, or in the healthcare system - it is a sign of mental illness. LOL. I can't count how many times I have heard other patients (who are not seeking help for mental illness), who react strongly to mistreatment by nurses or Doctors in hospital settings. Surely not everyone has BPD. The system needs a kick in the pants, that's for sure!

You have mentioned that you are a survivor of sexual abuse in the military. My heart goes out to you.

I can't imagine the devastation that has caused you, then for mental health services to invalidate, judge and keep you in silence! Perfect example of how the system fails our most vulnerable populations, especially when they need help the most! It is a miracle you have survived this much abuse... It is a testament to your strength and resilience in the face of adversity and trauma. I can tell by the way you write, and by what you write, that it has sparked a need to understand and research related topics. From what I gather, Institutional Betrayal is a common problem in the military when it comes to handling rape cases. As you have mentioned, perhaps you got off with an honorable discharge while others did not, but it must feel horrible to be silenced and invalidated and disbelieved! Adding insult to injury... Pretty disgusting world out there. Clearly you have made it this far for a reason. Do you find purpose in advocacy? Have you found fellow survivors in the military who you can lean on and support?

I agree with you, it sounds to me like your symptomatology after the abuse, was indicative of PTSD / C-PTSD, and therefore a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. It is heartbreaking to hear that no one even asked you about your service, or managed to connect the dots. Even worse that you brought up the abuse component and was quickly invalidated / judged and silenced... I wish I was there. I wish I could have been there when this happened.

What do you suppose you might say to those incompetent "professionals" who failed to help you and instead chose to harm - if you were in front of them today? I'd like to think there is something you could have said to them (that would help them help you) but sometimes I wonder if anything we have to say is good enough (once we've been labelled as BPD or mentally ill).

Have you managed to find someone that can help you now? Who can understand the complex nature of your abuse and traumas? I sure hope you have found someone who you can trust.

My heart goes out to you Lillib. You are so very important and you have so much to offer the world! Please continue to share and help others. We need you.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 03:40 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I’ve had a strange journey with mental health professionals; saw many, several possible diagnoses tossed around and doubted by them and by me. It wasn’t an overall good experience and I stopped seeing anyone. Forget helping professionals— I helped myself! Generally, I didn’t get a sense from any of them that they were necessarily thinking of me poorly and unfairly. Some of them made comments that sent me reeling and I didn’t want to talk to them again— ( that’s therapy?). There were some videos about BPD on the internet that were incredibly condemning and hurtful to anyone with BPD— Don’t watch them!

Hi TishaBuv,

Thank you for sharing this!

I would very much like to hear more about your strange journey through the mental health system.

In your quest for recovery, did you ever get slapped with a BPD diagnosis?

At what point did you realize that therapy could not offer you what you needed?

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

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"roller coasters not only go up and down - they also go in circles"
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Default Oct 16, 2019 at 04:20 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
Hi TishaBuv,

Thank you for sharing this!

I would very much like to hear more about your strange journey through the mental health system.

In your quest for recovery, did you ever get slapped with a BPD diagnosis?

At what point did you realize that therapy could not offer you what you needed?

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
It was me who asked the therapists about BPD. I learned about it because my niece was diagnosed. She also had raging ADHD from birth, so I’m not sure that wasn’t truly all she has and was misdiagnosed. All these things overlap very much, so very confusing!

One agreed I had traits. One said I had Emotional Dysregulation Disorder (just another name for BPD). I never went back to her a third time since she told me, “You never would have been happy with anybody” (referring to my marriage issues) Is that therapy??? WTH???

So I kept trying new therapists from time to time and didn’t really get anywhere with any of them. Just confusion. Plus, I couldn’t stand to hear myself talk to them, telling them my stories. It pained me to have to pay them to listen to my drivel.

I no longer exhibit traits of BPD IMHO. I think I have c-PTSD and probably ADHD too. Also, I obsess so maybe OCD.

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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 02:33 AM
  #9
He mostly tries to help me understand that this stuff is all a trauma reaction. It’s not something I’ve done wrong and I can do better with things like relationships. I also did two years of a dbt group therapy. He helps me remember to be non-judgemental and that feelings are not facts

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Default Nov 29, 2019 at 12:53 AM
  #11
Hi HD, been awhile since we spoke.

As to your main question - how therapists/psychiatrists/ etc treated me after my BPD dx...

Honestly, for a couple years they said I had bipolar and another said I was schizoaffective. After they decided it was for sure BOD (as well as psychotic depression, general anxiety, and PTSD), I had difficulty being "heard" by my therapists. My psychiatrist was awesome at talking to me and listening, but my therapists (I went thru many bc I did not like how they treated me), basically decided what they were willing to hear and what they were not. For instance, when I would speak of abuse that was actively happening at that time, and explaining things that happened if I did a certain thing, I would say things like "if I walk in front of the TV to get to the bathroom, he always yells at me", the therapist would say "see, that's your black and white thinking, I'm sure he doesn't 'always' do that, but you believe he does." One therapist told me "you don't know how to treat people, but that's not your fault; you were never taught." That was when I was explaining the abuse as well as past rapes and my tumultuous childhood. Another said about my abuser, "no wonder he treats you like that - look how you treat him!" Another decided to terminate my therapy after my abuse issues were over, stating I no longer needed therapy - even tho she had promised to help with my other dx once the abuse was dealt with. So, basically, I was not only invalidated but made to feel I did not know what was going on in my own life - only they did. I stopped counseling several years ago due to that but atm I know I need a counselor again, so I am going to look for one who is not associated with my past therapists in hopes of receiving less judgemental treatment.

I hope you are doing well. ❤

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