I can’t forget it

Everything I did for someone, my loyalty, my time, my respect, my love; it’s like it meant nothing, like it doesn’t matter, never happened. I was always real and I was never on any ********. But none of it mattered, none of it was appreciated. What gets me the most is how I feel that everything was deleted, erased, and how expendable I was, and now feeling like I am being forgotten and everything I did is forgotten. I may have never even existed. Being easily replaced by someone else. Was I just needed, was it all lies, manipulations, and gassing my head up, none of it was true….

I am tired of this happening with everyone that comes into my life. Being rejected, being used, being played with, being lied to. I am not a trusting person, but when I put my trust into someone I think is worth it, I open up to them, make myself vulnerable, make myself available and am there for them, someone to rely on and believe in; only to have them abandon me for no reason; just because. It is person after person until I am left with nobody. No friends, no one to confide in, no support system, nobody that cares or shows affection. All my life things have been this way, never had any friends, never been in relationships, never had a social life. I feel like I am going to ultimately be isolated from everyone and have no one in my life, and not by choice. Ostracized by society. Can I sustain being a loner involuntarily, to not have friends or family, to not matter to anyone, not make a difference in anyone’s life. I won’t last that long. I can’t sustain living like this. But I have no choice it seems at this point. I don’t think I am going to make it.

I feel so worthless. A piece of ****. No value. Insignificant. Scum. Inferior. Rejected. Hated…I’m tired.

Sometimes people can be cruel, rejecting, and try to make you feel like you have no value...because you have no value to them. But you do have value, and you can remind yourself that you always value yourself, no matter how some people treat you.

It's just hard not having any friends. I talk to only a couple people online and I see no one in person. It gets lonely, and isolating. I have no one.

Making and keeping friends is a skill you can learn and improve upon. There are WikiHow articles (I actually read!) and they are helpful. Being isolated is very bad for people’s mental health and you should try to make at least one friend. Keep very low expectations.

Why do you say you are not a trusting person? Are you saying that you have trouble trusting new people because so many people have left you in the past?

I think these days people know far more people than at any other time in history yet we are far less connected to each other than at any other time in history.

I have friends I can get together with for various hobbies and activities but no friends in real life I can talk to.

I used to be the friend people came to with their problems but never the friend people invited to do things with. I got tired of that because I felt kind of used. I would see their posts on Facebook of all the fun things they were doing and I was never invited. I figured it would be better to just go hang out with people and enjoy myself so I stopped being a shoulder for others to lean on. I found new hobbies and joined new groups and started getting out of the house and I keep meeting new people.

I don’t know if maybe you’ve invested more into friendships and relationships than they are investing in you? That is exactly what I did. Nobody comes to me with their problems anymore. I’m still sad about the lack of real life friendships. I honestly have no true connection with anybody as I go about my day at work or at my various meetups with people. I’m still very hopeful that maybe this will balance out and I’ll finally find some give and take friendships.

Best of luck to you. I hope things get better for you. There are nice people here on PC you can connect with. I have nice friends here and that means a lot. We can only just keep trying to make things better for ourselves and I believe we can accomplish that in time.

It sounds like you've had some very cruel people in your life. Sometimes if we grew up with family who are very self absorbed (or worse) we seem to be attracted to others who are similar... people who use others as disposable toys and throw them away with a complete callousness. This reflects on those who do that, not on you.

Maybe you can become more skilled at spotting red flags which indicate this type of individual. And then run or keep a distance before they play out their stuff on you..

There are nice people who don't play those sorts of games here on pc

People who are cruel and rejecting and treat others like they have no value, because they have no value to them...… are not my favourite sort of person. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Me too!

It feels like those of us who are so sensitive and suffer this treatment from people are NICE people who are not giving this bad treatment out!