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briiea
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Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: Brisbane
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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 07:21 AM
  #1
Have always wondered if anyone else goes through this like me, it’s like i have phases and i kind of try to tell myself they’re my ‘coping mechanisms’ to when I’m bored or am trying to motivate myself to get better or ‘enjoy’ life.
It ranges from anything like spending 2 months straight attempting a vegan life style which quickly went down the drain, after that it was art and art and art. I started a bullet journal (that didn’t make it past the 5th page) I bought paints, all paint material, canvases, tools, brushes all that and now they’ve been sitting in my cupboard for months unused. Then I tried learning Japanese, looked up everything to do with Japan, spent hours just focusing on everything i could japanese. After a few weeks I lost interest. Then it was binge watching a show, like The Last Airbender. Learning everything I can about the show, studying it and then i’ll get bored and forget it ever happened.
My current thing at the moment is studying the wicca religion/lifestyle. I’ve bought crystals, books, joined groups about it and constantly just tried to learn about everything spiritual, mindfulness, meditation etc.
Is this part of trying to find a identity/fitting in, because it’s like I get so excited, so happy and finally feel like I’ve found my calling in ‘life’ and then the next day I can just lose all interest. This has all just been in the last year, I was also at one point excited about doing a Cert 3 in Childcare, I ended up quitting half way through the year because my depression got way too bad I couldn’t cope with anything.
I feel so hopeless, i can’t stick to one thing, my motivation comes and goes and it’s always something different.
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Kathleen83
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Default Nov 23, 2019 at 03:04 PM
  #2
Hi Briiea. Welcome to the forums. You are so not alone in this. Although all the things you wrote about are completely different than things I've done, it still felt like I was reading about myself. What really struck me in your writing is how all those different things are actually all one thing. An activity to distract yourself. I know for me, starting anything new, whether it's a hobby, activity, relationship, whatever, gives me a rush of positivity. Then when that feeling fades, I start losing interest. I'm brand new to my diagnosis of BPD, so I still don't have a good handle on things, in terms of thinking of what BPD is and what it means to me. One thing that my therapist said that does make sense, tho, is that it involves my feelings, and that my feelings are super strong / intense / hard for me to handle. Which makes sense to me, and explains why I have spent so much time running from one thing to another, one relationship to another, always seeking more, seeking better, trying to avoid my own inner thoughts and feelings. My therapist keeps telling me there is hope for me. That life doesn't have to be this way. I'm hoping that if I can get to a point where my motivation to start something new becomes more "pure", and is driven by a desire to do...whatever....for my own enjoyment, rather than a desperate attempt to distract myself, that I'll be able to stop running from one thing to another to another.

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Diagnosed:
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BPD
Major Depressive Disorder Moderate
Manic-Depressive Psychosis


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Anonymous32451
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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 10:18 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by briiea View Post
Have always wondered if anyone else goes through this like me, it’s like i have phases and i kind of try to tell myself they’re my ‘coping mechanisms’ to when I’m bored or am trying to motivate myself to get better or ‘enjoy’ life.
It ranges from anything like spending 2 months straight attempting a vegan life style which quickly went down the drain, after that it was art and art and art. I started a bullet journal (that didn’t make it past the 5th page) I bought paints, all paint material, canvases, tools, brushes all that and now they’ve been sitting in my cupboard for months unused. Then I tried learning Japanese, looked up everything to do with Japan, spent hours just focusing on everything i could japanese. After a few weeks I lost interest. Then it was binge watching a show, like The Last Airbender. Learning everything I can about the show, studying it and then i’ll get bored and forget it ever happened.
My current thing at the moment is studying the wicca religion/lifestyle. I’ve bought crystals, books, joined groups about it and constantly just tried to learn about everything spiritual, mindfulness, meditation etc.
Is this part of trying to find a identity/fitting in, because it’s like I get so excited, so happy and finally feel like I’ve found my calling in ‘life’ and then the next day I can just lose all interest. This has all just been in the last year, I was also at one point excited about doing a Cert 3 in Childcare, I ended up quitting half way through the year because my depression got way too bad I couldn’t cope with anything.
I feel so hopeless, i can’t stick to one thing, my motivation comes and goes and it’s always something different.


I did this with reading.

out of nowhere, I developed a sudden interest in books, joined the library, got new books out each week, got the catilogue of new releases (I was really obsessed with it)

and now just like that: I don't care

and I never understood why.

I even hid my library card and never even open the catilogues

I must admit it's raaised a few eyebrows- especially of people who knew I was obsessed with it
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briiea
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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 10:20 AM
  #4
btw airbender is a good show. I have it on dvd, and the legend of kora
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moonlitwish
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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 04:15 PM
  #5
This is my most lingering symptom. I’m mostly in remission at this point, but I still jump from hobby to hobby. At least at this age I really know what I like so I’m recycling them and finally using up the materials I’ve bought over the years rather than getting more new stuff. That was getting expensive and causing so much clutter.
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briiea
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