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Eleny
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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 11:44 AM
  #1
As someone with BPD, do you find yourself having obsessive thoughts in relationships? I have a new boyfriend and I am becoming obsessively jealous over different things. I can never tell if I'm right to feel this way or if my thoughts are being skewed by BPD. Every relationship has been the same. I am obsessing over his ex, to the point of feeling physically sick.

Can anyone else relate?
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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 12:56 PM
  #2
I think new relationships just naturally bring some anxiety. You are dealing with many unknowns in the beginning and you are taking a risk in new relationships. I would say, try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s ok to have a lot of questions when you first make a commitment to someone. Maybe it would help if you remind yourself that it’s ok to feel nervous. Another thing that might also help is if you work hard to maintain other friendships and even continue to build new friendships or start new hobbies. Most people get really caught up in a new relationship and maybe too much attention gets focused on just that one relationship? I know I have done that before and it helps me if I balance things out with a variety of friendships and activities. Best of luck to you.
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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 01:36 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eleny View Post
As someone with BPD, do you find yourself having obsessive thoughts in relationships? I have a new boyfriend and I am becoming obsessively jealous over different things. I can never tell if I'm right to feel this way or if my thoughts are being skewed by BPD. Every relationship has been the same. I am obsessing over his ex, to the point of feeling physically sick.

Can anyone else relate?

Hi Eleny,


Nice to meet you.


I wanted to say that generally - EVERYONE - has obsessive thoughts in relationships. In other words - one does not have to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in order to have obsessive thoughts while in love. It is quite natural. The difference is in the FREQUENCY of the behavior that can result from those thoughts. Why do I say frequency? Because everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone makes a lot of mistakes. When one makes a lot of mistakes it becomes a pattern of behavior, and rather than being blamed on merely, "being human," it can be then blamed on the person and their personality and is thus deemed, pathological. Pathological patterns of behavior are considered the foundation for diagnosis.


But diagnosis is a sham.


Lol.


Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition that arises as a result of trauma. It is a part of the human condition. Please do not be do hard on yourself and don't think too much about this diagnosis. It is overrated! You are a lovely human being and if you have obsessive thoughts, it is okay! As long as your behavior remains in check and you don't do anything illegal! Who cares! Be you! Be free and allow yourself you be yourself - even if you happen to fit the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (Which is actually Complex PTSD = which is a result of trauma.

Wouldn't making a pattern of mistakes suggest that someone enjoys it? Or begins to enjoy it?

As far as the bold goes:

You are never wrong in having feelings or thoughts! Thoughts and feelings are NOT a reflection of who you are - they just are. You have to validate your own experiences as a part of being human.

Have a good day.


Thanks,

HD7970ghz

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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 04:03 PM
  #4

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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 04:32 PM
  #5
Great comments above.

Disorder aside, what kinds of circumstances are causing you to feel obsessive jealousy about your bf’s ex? Are they still close and you feel threatened? Maybe you are being unreasonable and having an over-active imagination or maybe you are really sensing a threat to your relationship with your bf.

I have not typically been jealous in relationships. There was one time this other girl was putting the moves on my bf in college. I got out of bed, sick with high fever, to go to this event in order to not let her have the opportunity to steal my bf. IDK if the threat was real, if he would have gone for her, if I would have lost him had I stayed home sick. But, I sure did go running out of fear and jealousy. Many months later, I ended breaking up with him because I didn’t want to commit to him.

I can’t think of any times I felt jealous when there was no real threat to cause me to feel that way.

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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 09:00 PM
  #6
I struggle with obsession as well but with my fiancé in general. The good, the bad, how his family feels about me, if his friends are going to make a move on him, his health, etc. I find it temporarily helps to talk about it with him. Oftentimes, it's just paranioa - others it's legit. Double checking can help, "Hey do you notice this too is it just me?" That said, it's smart to try to be aware of what makes you jealous and triggers obsession.
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Default Nov 23, 2019 at 05:06 AM
  #7
To piggyback off @Hi Eleny
Quote:
Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition that arises as a result of trauma. It is a part of the human condition. Please do not be do hard on yourself and don't think too much about this diagnosis.

[quote]Causes
As with other mental health disorders, the causes of borderline personality disorder aren't fully understood. In addition to environmental factors — such as a history of child abuse or neglect — borderline personality disorder may be linked to:

Genetics. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited or strongly associated with other mental health disorders among family members.
Brain abnormalities. Some research has shown changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.
Risk factors
Some factors related to personality development can increase the risk of developing borderline personality disorder. These include:

Hereditary predisposition. You may be at a higher risk if a close relative — your mother, father, brother or sister — has the same or a similar disorder.
Stressful childhood. Many people with the disorder report being sexually or physically abused or neglected during childhood. Some people have lost or were separated from a parent or close caregiver when they were young or had parents or caregivers with substance misuse or other mental health issues. Others have been exposed to hostile conflict and unstable family relationships.
Complications
Borderline personality disorder can damage many areas of your life. It can negatively affect intimate relationships, jobs, school, social activities and self-image, resulting in:

Complications
Repeated job changes or losses
Not completing an education
Multiple legal issues, such as jail time
Conflict-filled relationships, marital stress or divorce
Self-injury, such as cutting or burning, and frequent hospitalizations
Involvement in abusive relationships
Unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, motor vehicle accidents and physical fights due to impulsive and risky behavior
Attempted or completed suicide
In addition, you may have other mental health disorders, such as:

Depression
Alcohol or other substance misuse
Anxiety disorders
Eating disorders
Bipolar disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Other personality disorders

Quote:
It is overrated! You are a lovely human being and if you have obsessive thoughts, it is okay! As long as your behavior remains in check and you don't do anything illegal! Who cares! Be you! Be free and allow yourself you be yourself - even if you happen to fit the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (Which is actually Complex PTSD = which is a result of trauma.

Wouldn't making a pattern of mistakes suggest that someone enjoys it? Or begins to enjoy it?

As far as the bold goes:

You are never wrong in having feelings or thoughts! Thoughts and feelings are NOT a reflection of who you are - they just are. You have to validate your own experiences as a part of being human.

Have a good day.


Thanks,

HD7970ghz

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Default Nov 23, 2019 at 12:01 PM
  #8
Good post.
I suggest you take some of the negative stereotypes out there with a bucket load of salt.

This diagnosis is often a misdiagnosis. “it” in fact is usually complex PTSD.

Some “experts” enjoy feeling “superior” by putting others down.

You may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)..

HSP’s have many gifts. But are misunderstood by many who lack empathy.



Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
Hi Eleny,


Nice to meet you.


I wanted to say that generally - EVERYONE - has obsessive thoughts in relationships. In other words - one does not have to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in order to have obsessive thoughts while in love. It is quite natural. The difference is in the FREQUENCY of the behavior that can result from those thoughts. Why do I say frequency? Because everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone makes a lot of mistakes. When one makes a lot of mistakes it becomes a pattern of behavior, and rather than being blamed on merely, "being human," it can be then blamed on the person and their personality and is thus deemed, pathological. Pathological patterns of behavior are considered the foundation for diagnosis.


But diagnosis is a sham.


Lol.


Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition that arises as a result of trauma. It is a part of the human condition. Please do not be do hard on yourself and don't think too much about this diagnosis. It is overrated! You are a lovely human being and if you have obsessive thoughts, it is okay! As long as your behavior remains in check and you don't do anything illegal! Who cares! Be you! Be free and allow yourself you be yourself - even if you happen to fit the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (Which is actually Complex PTSD = which is a result of trauma.

Wouldn't making a pattern of mistakes suggest that someone enjoys it? Or begins to enjoy it?

As far as the bold goes:

You are never wrong in having feelings or thoughts! Thoughts and feelings are NOT a reflection of who you are - they just are. You have to validate your own experiences as a part of being human.

Have a good day.


Thanks,

HD7970ghz

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