advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 27, 2019 at 10:13 AM
  #1
Maybe I do have it. It manifests in sexual intimacy. I don’t really feel loved because my h and I are incompatible. It’s physical but more so emotional. It’s rejection. Dying to be shown love by one not capable. He just doesn’t get me no matter how I say the same thing for decades now. He won’t be what I need. I stay, feeling hopeless and EMPTY.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bshaffer836, Crypts_Of_The_Mind, Mendingmysoul, wares1ge

advertisement
Anonymous32451
Guest
Anonymous32451 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Nov 27, 2019 at 11:34 AM
  #2
((((hugs)))))
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
TishaBuv
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 27, 2019 at 06:04 PM
  #3
((((((((( hugs )))))))))

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
TishaBuv
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Grand Magnate
 
Crypts_Of_The_Mind's Avatar
Crypts_Of_The_Mind has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,025
8 yr Member
2,609 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 29, 2019 at 01:04 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Maybe I do have it. It manifests in sexual intimacy. I don’t really feel loved because my h and I are incompatible. It’s physical but more so emotional. It’s rejection. Dying to be shown love by one not capable. He just doesn’t get me no matter how I say the same thing for decades now. He won’t be what I need. I stay, feeling hopeless and EMPTY.
Have you been evaluated for BPD (and other diagnoses)?

What is the reason you do not leave your h? (Not judging, trying to determine if this is "just a similar situation to a person with BPD" or if it is "very likely caused by BPD") For instance - do you fear how he may react? Do you fear how you may react? Is it too much like rejection if you leave? Would you feel abandoned? Etc (not all those things stem from BPD - some do - but all are valid reasons)

Could it simply be your h is incapable of understanding you n that is causing you to feel "something is wrong with me (not him)"?

I completely understand and can empathize with the helplessness a situation like this can cause a person to feel - as well as the draining of hope for a good life. I have been thru this myself. I just want to make sure this is not the only reason you consider yourself to possibly have BPD. Because this can have many reasons.

Has your h been given a psych eval?

I hope your situation improves - no matter how that comes about (if you leave or not).

*hugs*

__________________
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
TishaBuv
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 01, 2019 at 09:33 AM
  #5
We’re sexually incompatible. It’s been like this the whole marriage. No matter how many times I have consistently told him how I need to feel sexually satisfied and how that makes me feel loved, happy and secure, he just doesn’t get it. The frustration from this has driven me mad. I even got into self harm by hitting myself out of sheer frustration for a period of several years but have stopped that now. I never did that before this situation became intensely frustrating while in my 30’s. So I did show borderline traits.

I don’t leave because we’re so good together outside of the bedroom. Plus I have never been alone and am terrified. Plus he is adamant about staying together.

Only recently we got along better over this sex issue because our son turned on us and abandoned us. So we were so despondent for the past several months coping with that, we didn’t think much about sex.

I had very normal needs and expectations but he doesn’t have the same. His style is different and we just aren’t compatible. I can’t bend to his way.

So I guess I have an intimacy issue.

As for fear of abandonment, I really have been by several close relationships. It was not an overreaction. It was real and shocking. I have dealt with it. I’m even accepting that my son is alive and well, although he doesn’t love us and devastated us, and I am happy he is happy and wish him well.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
 
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Grand Magnate
 
Crypts_Of_The_Mind's Avatar
Crypts_Of_The_Mind has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,025
8 yr Member
2,609 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 01, 2019 at 05:44 PM
  #6
It sounds like the sexually incompatible problem, it seems unless n until one of you is able to do for the other person - and then later do the preferences of the other, that issue won't really change. For that reason - you need to ask yourself, "is sexual intimacy more important to me than the relationship or the relationship more important than the sexual intimacy?". There is no right or wrong answer there - if comes down to the amount of happiness you attain from each thing. If you find the answer is sexual intimacy, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to bend to his ways at all (even just partially every so often) or are you demanding it be only what you want all the time? Again - no right n no wrong - it is dependent upon what you attain the most happiness from. Once you figure out what you will definitely be able to do, approaching with the possible solution n be willing to hear, consider, and possibly accept any other idea your husband has.

If you find the relationship is more important, you need to decide the minimum amount of sexual intimacy you require to be content and if that intimacy must be the way you like or if his way would work too. After you have decided upon these things, open up a conversation between you and your husband regarding "the bare minimum" sexual intimacy you can handle - and how you need it. Be ready n willing to listen to (and possibly accept) ideas you had not considered.

If these are things you feel either (a) you tried n it did not work or (b) you cannot do, you will need to decide if you want to end the relationship or if there are other ways you can achieve the same sense of feeling loved.

As far as me asking about fear of abandonment- I mean, when you start thinking (for whatever reason whether true or not true) that someone is about to sever the relationship you have with them or is somehow reducing the relationship.. do you instantly want to figure ways of stopping that and find a solution - even if it means doing unhealthy things - and just follow through on those "solutions" even before confrontation or perhaps just feel you need to die or self harm or attempt?

It is possible to have borderline traits n yet not have a borderline personality disorder. Borderline Personality is often confused with bipolar and sometimes PTSD. These disorders have several similarities in their traits.

The most commonly shared trait amongst all people with borderline personality disorder is the fear of abandonment caused from past traumas. PTSD common trait is feeling they are reexperiencing or reliving the traumas over and over. Each have the commonality of trauma and negative reactions to trauma. People with bipolar have an overall shares trait of extreme moodiness and/or impulsivity. Both of those traits also can present with BPD. It is being found many with bipolar also experienced an abusive childhood- same as with BPD. This ties bipolar to trauma as well and the negative reactions surrounding it.

So, basically, it is dependent upon the behaviors and thinking you exhibit in direct relation to how you deal with the traumas you experienced in past as to which one (or ones) you are diagnosed with (they may flounder back and forth on this for awhile before deciding it is definitely one way n not the other.),

I am not trying to dissuade you about borderline personality dx (especially if you have received the dx), but rather just make sure you are "treating your symptoms" properly (one method that works for one dx may be a harmful or unhealthy method for another dx and you want to use healthy n non-harmful methods so as to give maximum improvement and minimal risk).

Best way to figure that out is by knowing for sure what the dx is.

__________________
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 01, 2019 at 06:41 PM
  #7
Crypts- Thank you so much for thoughtfully helping me to analyze this!

Partly the problem is me and partly it is my husband, as far as the intimacy issue goes. I can only compare him (a 25 year long marriage) and the several bfs I had before. None of them very long and cohabiting relationships.

I didn’t think I had any MI, after 5 years married started being very discontent and unhappy with the intimacy. Started getting overly emotional, crying a lot.

I started by reaching out to my ob/gyn, who put me on a cocktail of meds he arbitrarily prescribed. That went badly, when I called his office didn’t even call me back. I had a melt down, went to stay at my mother’s, and went off all the meds cold turkey.

Over time, I went to various different psy’s. Some said I had no diagnosis. Some gave me meds. I didn’t like them and went off them. I didn’t go back to the psy’s. My family would sabotage my therapy by telling me it was a waste. I would do the same.

What a journey! One said I had EDD, one said I had PTSD, one said I had MDD.

I learned about Borderline because my niece was diagnosed. But she never went back to the psy and won’t take meds. She has ADHD, so she may be misdiagnosed with the BPD. But, it was me who asked the psy’s if I might have that. One said I seem to have traits. This was after many years of frustration from relationship with husband and with doctors.

Meanwhile, I had three kids. I lived up to all expectations. I never exhibited impulsive signs of bipolar, like over spending or extreme activities of any kind. I’ve been a domestic goddess, great mom, who hid major depression and a nightmare in the bedroom.

Now looking back, I have all the hallmarks; childhood trauma, emotional abuse, actual abandonment. I did not think any of these things were that problematic until I started to search back for why I am so anxious/depressed now. I can even say I had strange relationships, love triangles, drama... Didn’’t everybody? No? That wasn’t normal? Lol.

Finally, since the last 8 months ago, I started taking Buspar and it has saved my life because it curtailed the crying and the lows of the depression. But it didn’t make my reaction any different to the real toxic drama and abandonment I have been going through, even with my son now.

You asked if I desperately try to find solutions to avoid the abandonment, even by doing harmful things? No, I accept it and mourn it. I let them go. I have a hard time accepting that I meant absolutely nothing to that person who supposedly loved me, but I believe, accept, and mourn the loss. I’m not being overly dramatic, I’ve been totally emotionally abandoned for no good reason. I was never really loved at all by my father who was MI and died when I was 12. I was completely insignificant and that has been a recurring theme, and I don’t get why... But that’s the deal with me and abandonment.

I am not at all insecure in my secure relationships. I go long periods without being in contact with friends, and then we reconnect, no issues. I don’t worry that my h is cheating or leaving, check on him too often, keep him from friends— totally the opposite, I encourage him to have friends and freedom.

At this point, I am thrilled I have the emotions and depression under reasonable control. The intimacy issue is irreconcilable, yet we’ll probably stay together anyway.

I threw him out before, I left before, we were getting divorced last year, but I took him back. I don’t want any more drama. I really don’t. I feel too old and sick to even want to care about the intimacy anymore. Its amazing this thing with my son didn’t kill me, tbh.

But I still do get triggered, like I did this morning. I said some angry, verbally abusive things to my h and I regret that. He doesn’t lash out at me. But he just doesn’t hear me and what I need, so why would he be the one who is angry. I am the one who feels frustrated and angry due to his inaction. That’s the way it’s going to be. It doesn’t matter how I tell him what I need, he will never do it. You can’t get blood from a stone, and I know that. Still... maybe it is that EMPTY feeling that is that void that drive that emotion in me because he just won’t give me that love.

Any other man would have gotten what I want and have given it to me 25 years ago. This is outrageous ineptitude on his part. We’re just incompatible. Yet, I have no delusions that there is anyone else out there anymore at my age, and my current lack of great looks, to think that I will ever get that passion and love and feel fulfilled anyway.

Thanks for listening. I hate venting about this. I know I have whined on here about this in the past and no one wants to hear about it anymore, most of all...me.

Sorry, please just disregard. I’ll put up and shut up.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
 
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Grand Magnate
 
Crypts_Of_The_Mind's Avatar
Crypts_Of_The_Mind has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,025
8 yr Member
2,609 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Dec 01, 2019 at 08:54 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Crypts- Thank you so much for thoughtfully helping me to analyze this!
You are very welcome. If you get tired of it, let me know. Sometimes I can analyze longer than someone wants or needs but I do not intend to, I just am a very logic-based thinker, so I keep.at it til I see something that "makes sense" to me bc zi have a need to make it make sense. So if I cross your threshold for the amount of analysis that is acceptable, let me know. ❤

Quote:
Partly the problem is me and partly it is my husband, as far as the intimacy issue goes.
I am very impressed at your ability to accept faults and to own up to them- yet not accept total blame. Borderlines tend to declare complete innocence or complete guilt (a result of black/white thinking). Is this something you have had to work hard at to be able to do, or is this something that comes easy to you?

Quote:
I can only compare him (a 25 year long marriage) and the several bfs I had before. None of them very long and cohabiting relationships.
Do you think perhaps it is this reason you feel so unsatisfied in the intimacy category? Because somehow you feel "cheated" bc of "lack of experiences". Or, do you think it is truly just negligence on your husband's side?

Quote:
I didn’t think I had any MI, after 5 years married started being very discontent and unhappy with the intimacy. Started getting overly emotional, crying a lot.
This sounds like depression- whether depression as a symptom of as a disorder, I cannot truly determine.

Quote:
I started by reaching out to my ob/gyn, who put me on a cocktail of meds he arbitrarily prescribed. That went badly, when I called his office didn’t even call me back. I had a melt down, went to stay at my mother’s, and went off all the meds cold turkey.
What did you not like about the meds?
Did you try any other methods of healing? (Such as vitamins, minerals, supplements, diet choices, exercise, coping techniques, essential oils, acupuncture, etc)
If so - did you find help in any?
Are you still trying to find a solution or have you given up?

Quote:
Over time, I went to various different psy’s. Some said I had no diagnosis. Some gave me meds. I didn’t like them and went off them. I didn’t go back to the psy’s. My family would sabotage my therapy by telling me it was a waste. I would do the same.

What a journey! One said I had EDD, one said I had PTSD, one said I had MDD.
This is basically what I meant - they tend to flip flop your dx til they find something all of them feel comfortable labeling you with. Truly I reccomend simply doing the research yourself cuz as long as you are completely honest with yourself, you can recognize symptoms and determine what seems more likely (same method docs use) as long as you have accurate information to base those decisions on. I went rogue like that after about 15yr of mental health care. I did research both on the possible things I could likely have based on symptoms I exhibit. Looked at the causes, other symptoms, and natural treatment types as well as other information regarding the disorder/s. Then I tried different natural things which said "might work"and kept experimenting til I found something that worked.

Perhaps, if you still want to continue going rogue, you may want to follow that type of format when searching for answers.

I tend to use counselors as a way of getting info i may not otherwise obtain (so another way to research) bc my past counselors have not been cohesive to recovery).

Quote:
I learned about Borderline because my niece was diagnosed. But she never went back to the psy and won’t take meds. She has ADHD, so she may be misdiagnosed with the BPD. But, it was me who asked the psy’s if I might have that. One said I seem to have traits. This was after many years of frustration from relationship with husband and with doctors.
What about this knowledge caused you to question if BPD should be your dx,

Quote:
Meanwhile, I had three kids. I lived up to all expectations. I never exhibited impulsive signs of bipolar, like over spending or extreme activities of any kind. I’ve been a domestic goddess, great mom, who hid major depression and a nightmare in the bedroom.
Did you live up to the expectations bc you felt you HAD to (in order to keep others happy) or bc it came natural to you to do so and as such, never thought twice about it?

Quote:
Now looking back, I have all the hallmarks; childhood trauma, emotional abuse, actual abandonment.
Many psych problems can have these hallmarks, depends on how you end up reacting that determines what or if you have a psych problems.

Quote:
I did not think any of these things were that problematic until I started to search back for why I am so anxious/depressed now. I can even say I had strange relationships, love triangles, drama... Didn’’t everybody? No? That wasn’t normal? Lol.
As far as relationship history - with borderline personality disorder, I think the biggest things there are we tend to be attracted toward abusive people, we very much only feel we love ourselves if the one we love shows appreciation and love toward us - when the loved one exhibits anger toward us, we can tend to become self-loathing., and we tend to have longterm relationships due to our fear of abandonment and self blame when a relationship ends. So the question is - can you see your past relationships (and current one) display those behaviors or symptoms?

Quote:
Finally, since the last 8 months ago, I started taking Buspar and it has saved my life because it curtailed the crying and the lows of the depression. But it didn’t make my reaction any different to the real toxic drama and abandonment I have been going through, even with my son now.
Buspar I took before. I believe it is an anti-anciety if I recall correctly. Meant strictly to curb the anxiety by targeting the serotonin and dopamine produced in the brain. Serotonin and dopamine also affect happiness (and thus also depression). That's probably why you felt the effect on your depression. It is meant as a "mood altering" not "behavior modification" type of drug, which is why it did not change your reactions. To change your reactions you must actively be in control of changing yourself. You cannot change thought patterns, beliefs, etc by taking a medication - you can only change those by changing your habits and monitoring your actions and reasons for them. That is why counseling is so popular- but it usually only works if you find somebody you "fit well with" whichcan be a very daunting task.

Quote:
You asked if I desperately try to find solutions to avoid the abandonment, even by doing harmful things? No, I accept it and mourn it. I let them go. I have a hard time accepting that I meant absolutely nothing to that person who supposedly loved me, but I believe, accept, and mourn the loss. I’m not being overly dramatic, I’ve been totally emotionally abandoned for no good reason. I was never really loved at all by my father who was MI and died when I was 12. I was completely insignificant and that has been a recurring theme, and I don’t get why... But that’s the deal with me and abandonment.
The fact you do not have the immediate unhealthy reactions of wanting to "make the other person happy therefore I will act this way and if the other person still leaves, it's my fault!" leads me to think it could be something other than BPD since this and the "black n white thinking" are the two traits almost every person with BPD exhibit. I am sorry for how your father treated you. I received similar treatment from my dad after mom died when I was 12.

Quote:
I am not at all insecure in my secure relationships. I go long periods without being in contact with friends, and then we reconnect, no issues. I don’t worry that my h is cheating or leaving, check on him too often, keep him from friends— totally the opposite, I encourage him to have friends and freedom.
All of this seems to go against the BPD dx thought too.

Quote:
At this point, I am thrilled I have the emotions and depression under reasonable control. The intimacy issue is irreconcilable, yet we’ll probably stay together anyway.

I threw him out before, I left before, we were getting divorced last year, but I took him back. I don’t want any more drama. I really don’t. I feel too old and sick to even want to care about the intimacy anymore. Its amazing this thing with my son didn’t kill me, tbh.
Why so much tumultuousness? What exactly happened with your son?

Quote:
But I still do get triggered, like I did this morning. I said some angry, verbally abusive things to my h and I regret that.
This shows how self aware you are - which is awesome. As someone with borderline personality disorder dx, I can tell you it took me years to be able to be this aware and honest with myself. My black and white thinking got in the way.

Quote:
He doesn’t lash out at me. But he just doesn’t hear me and what I need, so why would he be the one who is angry.
Well - at least he doesn't seem abusive; but, your view of "only I have reason to be upset" seems a bit unhealthy. Do you often have that view or only where the intimacy subject is concerned?

Quote:
I am the one who feels frustrated and angry due to his inaction. That’s the way it’s going to be. It doesn’t matter how I tell him what I need, he will never do it. You can’t get blood from a stone, and I know that. Still... maybe it is that EMPTY feeling that is that void that drive that emotion in me because he just won’t give me that love.
This is an example of black and white thinking. "That's the way it's going to be. " (implication of "it will never change" - "never" being an "absolute" word... meaning it has an exacting and unaltering tone and meaning), "...he will never do it" (again "never" is the absolute word). It was those black and white thoughts that drove you to this final conclusion:

Quote:
Any other man would have gotten what I want and have given it to me 25 years ago. This is outrageous ineptitude on his part. We’re just incompatible. Yet, I have no delusions that there is anyone else out there anymore at my age, and my current lack of great looks, to think that I will ever get that passion and love and feel fulfilled anyway.
So my question is: how often do you find yourself using black n white thinking? (All or nothing, black or white with no gray area thinking)

Quote:
Thanks for listening. I hate venting about this. I know I have whined on here about this in the past and no one wants to hear about it anymore, most of all...me.

Sorry, please just disregard. I’ll put up and shut up.
Please do not apologize. You have nothing to apologize for- all of us need to vent at times ❤

But this unhealthy feeling of needing to apologize and self blame are adhesive thoughts and behaviors to BPD as well.

This is why I said to research - you show many similarities, yet not the "classic" ones (to a high degree). It is likely you have some combination of things that cause you to appear to be "mostly borderline" yet "not truly borderline".

That said, I can relate to you in many ways regarding emotional abuse and neglect.

__________________
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Grand Magnate
 
Crypts_Of_The_Mind's Avatar
Crypts_Of_The_Mind has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,025
8 yr Member
2,609 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 01, 2019 at 09:27 PM
  #9
When reading through this response; I sensed a myriad of emotions from you: gratefulness, anger, excitedness, hurt, regret, confusion- and a "willful solution" (Ex: this cannot happen so I will do that, regardless of how I truly feel about any of it).

Given the myriad of emotions you gave off, I can see one of the other BPD traits -unstable emotions

You seem to allow your emotions to greatly impact your decisions as well. This is a behavior most often labeled "being sensitive" - which many borderline are. So you may have the correct dx, I just encourage you to carefully cross check your symptoms with that of other things as well, like bipolar and PTSD. It seems you already deal with some PTSD, the question is more or less just how much influence it has on you n if it is the only thing assailing you.

You seem to use very logic based problem solving skills. I am curious; when you are attempting to resolve a problem - do you feel more emotional or more numb?

I don't think triggers ever stop bothering someone completely - its more a matter of limiting their reactions in us to something healthy and not overwhelming or overpowering. There will be some days that happens tho - n then we just accept it n continue to try to control our emotions.

You also seem very self-aware and even self-loving too. Those behaviors appear opposite of someone with untreated borderline (unless you have done some "controlled self work" even not under the guidance of a therapist but still managing a strict informed guideline of "ifs/thens").

__________________
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
TishaBuv
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 12:36 PM
  #10
I want to answer more, and so appreciate your comments, but the site keeps saying I am not logged in.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
 
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 12:42 PM
  #11
Ok, let’s try this:

I never thought I had black and white thinking. In fact, I see all the shades of gray in everything.

Yes, I am highly sensitive, but don’t meet any of the criteria for a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Yes, I like and enjoy myself and always have. But I do go down the rabbit hole sometimes, especially over my couple of relationship issues.

A diagnosis of traits, and ptsd, and depression are probably correct. I don’t talk to any professionals anymore. I chat and read here on PC. I care more about trying to stay at a healthy level of function and not destroy all my relationships. Yes, it was much more THEM then it was ME! I may be dealing with seriously empathic lacking family! I don’t lack empathy.

I’m feeling a bit better now after the usual husband trigger took me down yesterday. I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to live and cope with this. Yes, I do see having to use logic and do something that works regardless of my true feelings about it. Whatever works, right?

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind, Fuzzybear, here today
 
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
TunedOut
Grand Poohbah
 
TunedOut's Avatar
TunedOut has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
3 yr Member
6,983 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 12:55 PM
  #12
I propose that there is nothing wrong with us other than other people or we ourselves telling ourselves what we feel is wrong. That thought comes from this video: ("...And you say things to yourself like there's nothing wrong with me I'm just more understanding of emotions I'm feeling my guidance system in a stronger way...") YouTube
TunedOut is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
 
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind, Fuzzybear, TishaBuv
Amethyst_Stargazer
Member
 
Amethyst_Stargazer's Avatar
Amethyst_Stargazer has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 365
5 yr Member
56 hugs
given
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 02:02 PM
  #13
Giving you lots of hugs. I can relate with you. Sometimes I feel completely empty because I've been hurt so much in my life, that sometimes I feel as if I don't deserved to be loved by anyone. Other times when people tell me they love me, I don't believe them because of the pain I feel and been manipulated by so many people in my past. So it's hard for me to truly see if anyone loves me or not. So I have a hard time being able to see it or notice it.
Amethyst_Stargazer is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind, Fuzzybear, TishaBuv, TunedOut
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 04:22 PM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer View Post
Giving you lots of hugs. I can relate with you. Sometimes I feel completely empty because I've been hurt so much in my life, that sometimes I feel as if I don't deserved to be loved by anyone.
Everybody deserves love. There are some awful people who receive love by really good people.
Other times when people tell me they love me,I don't believe them because of the pain I feel and been manipulated by so many people in my past.
I believe those who say they love me until they, themselves show me they cannot possibly really love me because of the extremely hurtful way they have treated me. I’ve had quite a bit of this happen. But, there are others who profess love and never did great hurt, so I trust them. I’m sorry this happened to you.
So it's hard for me to truly see if anyone loves me or not. So I have a hard time being able to see it or notice it.

It’s easy to recognize. They are NICE to you! After all the soul searching I’ve done about this, I think it’s really just that simple.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 04:24 PM
  #15
I’m going to try, next time I see that I am setting myself up for what will surely be disappointment, to not do that. What should I do? Should I ask for love? Should I ask to be held and loved? Yikes! That really puts me off.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 04:36 PM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by TunedOut View Post
I propose that there is nothing wrong with us other than other people or we ourselves telling ourselves what we feel is wrong. That thought comes from this video: ("...And you say things to yourself like there's nothing wrong with me I'm just more understanding of emotions I'm feeling my guidance system in a stronger way...") YouTube
You are so right with the thinking in this video! I’m going to try to stop obsessing and just be happy. Everything that has given me so much grief is really meaningless in the whole scheme of life.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
TunedOut
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 02, 2019 at 08:02 PM
  #17
Quote:
Originally Posted by TunedOut View Post
I propose that there is nothing wrong with us other than other people or we ourselves telling ourselves what we feel is wrong. That thought comes from this video: ("...And you say things to yourself like there's nothing wrong with me I'm just more understanding of emotions I'm feeling my guidance system in a stronger way...") YouTube

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
TunedOut
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Grand Magnate
 
Crypts_Of_The_Mind's Avatar
Crypts_Of_The_Mind has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,025
8 yr Member
2,609 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 03, 2019 at 12:46 AM
  #18
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Ok, let’s try this:

I never thought I had black and white thinking. In fact, I see all the shades of gray in everything.

Yes, I am highly sensitive, but don’t meet any of the criteria for a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Yes, I like and enjoy myself and always have. But I do go down the rabbit hole sometimes, especially over my couple of relationship issues.

A diagnosis of traits, and ptsd, and depression are probably correct. I don’t talk to any professionals anymore. I chat and read here on PC. I care more about trying to stay at a healthy level of function and not destroy all my relationships. Yes, it was much more THEM then it was ME! I may be dealing with seriously empathic lacking family! I don’t lack empathy.

I’m feeling a bit better now after the usual husband trigger took me down yesterday. I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to live and cope with this. Yes, I do see having to use logic and do something that works regardless of my true feelings about it. Whatever works, right?
Sorry I tried answering earlier n obviously it didn't post.

It is so awesome to hear you say you have self love. It's something many of us do not have. Self love is what begins healthy interpersonal relationships. When a person loves themselves enough, they will not allow others (actions, words, beliefs, etc) to cause them harm in any kind (and if it becomes a possibility- will do as needed to prevent it). I would encourage you to form healthy interpersonal relationships by telling them what you need from them (in how they treat you), if they cannot have respect enough to try to meet you part way at least - then you need to reexamine how much contact you have with that person as well as how much time n energy you use up on them.

__________________
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
TunedOut
 
Thanks for this!
TunedOut
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 03, 2019 at 10:14 AM
  #19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind View Post
Sorry I tried answering earlier n obviously it didn't post.

It is so awesome to hear you say you have self love. It's something many of us do not have. Self love is what begins healthy interpersonal relationships. When a person loves themselves enough, they will not allow others (actions, words, beliefs, etc) to cause them harm in any kind (and if it becomes a possibility- will do as needed to prevent it). I would encourage you to form healthy interpersonal relationships by telling them what you need from them (in how they treat you), if they cannot have respect enough to try to meet you part way at least - then you need to reexamine how much contact you have with that person as well as how much time n energy you use up on them.
I’ve always had self love. I’ve always had [I]fairly[I] healthy interpersonal relationships. I’ve never had self hate, but I have gone so depressed and negative on myself that I had that raging voice in my head and beat myself up. I have allowed others to cause me harm. Sometimes, I got right out of a bad situation, but sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes, I eventually got out. With this marriage, I have gone back and forth and have stayed but still with one foot out the door.

I told him and told him what I need, I said it loudly and clearly, I went to therapists, we went together to therapists... nothing got through to get him to give me what I need. It is over the top out there that this happens. No one really believes it, tbh. But this is the situation. He triggers me and I have to learn to avoid that. I apologized to him for the insulting things I said to him. I am sorry for losing my cool. But, the unsolvable problem is real and I need to cope.

But, I’m not going to complain about him anymore. I am going to try to just be happy with myself.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Crypts_Of_The_Mind, here today
 
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind, here today
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,122 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 03, 2019 at 10:21 AM
  #20
I think a lot of the healthy interpersonal relationships is that everyone I know is not so healthy themselves! It’s not JUST me who has issues. I can’t really think of one person I know who doesn’t have some issues, too. Therefore, the relationships are never totally healthy. They are good enough, mostly. Some were too toxic to continue- yet these people are all functioning, highly educated, intelligent people. The whole world is kinda off the charts IMHO.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind, here today
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:02 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.