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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 928
10 77 hugs
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#1
Thanks to my BPD I have:
**Been abandoned by three "best" friends, with the last one promising over and over again over a number of years that he "understood" my problem and would never abandon me. **Moved over 2,500 miles in an effort to escape. Of course, it didn't work. **Almost lost a job. I didn't, but I was never really trusted again and was replaced in the job I was doing and placed in a much worse situation. **Was almost arrested when my abandonment #2 called the police when I wouldn't leave his house when he told me to. **Have no friends. I tend to shut them out before they get too close and have the chance to hurt me, but it leaves me very alone. I know no one can help me, but I'm feeling very sorry for myself and I guess I want some understanding. The last abandonment just happened and I'm in so much pain. I've tried everything I can think of, and I can't get rid of the pain. Please just understand. __________________ Maranara |
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Crypts_Of_The_Mind, plynstrom266, Purple,Violet,Blue, unaluna
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plynstrom266
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,150
16 747 hugs
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#2
I'm sorry.
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Maranara
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,025
8 2,609 hugs
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#3
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I hope you will start feeling better soon. *hugs* __________________ Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away |
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Kathleen83
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 928
10 77 hugs
given |
#4
I abandon people before they can abandon me, and then I can never get them back. I know my own behaviors quite well by now, but I can't always change them. They are ingrained from a lifetime of pain.
__________________ Maranara |
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Crypts_Of_The_Mind
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Crypts_Of_The_Mind
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Member
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: midwest
Posts: 234
12 96 hugs
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#5
I hear you. You say no one can help you. Why do you think that? I know why I have thought / felt that, but why do you? You also say you can't always change your behaviors...but does that mean sometimes you can?
__________________ Diagnosed: Prolonged PTSD (civilian) BPD Dissociation |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,025
8 2,609 hugs
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#6
Change is a lifelong thing - and just bc you change something about yourself, doesn't mean you will never revisit what that originally was. I too have BPD - from many traumas during childhood n young adulthood (sounds same as you), so I understand how it is to try to "catch yourself before you go too far". Sometimes, i find myself thinking "I cannot do this" - and I have to change it to "I need to find a way to do this". It means I have to analyze and reanalyze everything I say n do both before and after I do it - but it has helped me.
__________________ Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away |
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Kathleen83
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,150
16 747 hugs
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#7
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Maranara, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 928
10 77 hugs
given |
#8
Thank you.
__________________ Maranara |
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 771
9 111 hugs
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#9
I understand.
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