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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Dark Side of the Moon
Posts: 668
13 198 hugs
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#21
Exactly!
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,160
6 247 hugs
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#22
I dunno...I've always suspected I have BPD because it's not just normal troughing-peaking of bipolar. I could always tell when my bipolar would come on, but it seems to have morphed into something worse, and I have all the symptoms and then some. And every relationship I've had since getting out of the joint 7 years ago has been unstable and crumbled. Paranoia? Check. Emotional instability? Check. Inability to regulate emotions? Oh, yeah--that rage tastes so...delicious...when I am self-harming (usually through trying to grab my head as though it's someone else's and run it through a wall or punching myself in the face), which naturally makes any real relationship impossible. Who tf wants to date someone who will smash themselves up at the slightest provocation? It's literally like a light switch, and I am sure, terrifying to behold to anyone other than myself at how quickly that change will happen.
So...I just gave up. I don't bother seeking anyone anymore. I can't afford therapy, and I will never take medication again. Ever. The days of me playing guinea pig are over. I have no reason to do DBT because IDGAF about myself; if I had someone else as a reason to do it for, maybe, but for simple self-improvement? Psh. Nah, that darker side of me prefers to stay in control when it is in control--that thing inside of my head I call the wolf. I think this is mainly because I get it done, and then what? Nothing in my external circumstances change. I just feel better about living a dead-end life that I cannot escape from for a variety of legal reasons. So why bother? Now, I just watch 'em walk by and look away. I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes... |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 42
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#23
Well, I'm not certain that I have BPD, but I feel like I might. I feel the most stressed by my friendships right now to point where I think I might try just not communicating with friends for a while. I am very back and forth with my friends. I have been married for 18 years now. I do not feel the same kind of stress in my relationship with my husband because I feel like he knows me. He's the only person that I think does. If it was a new relationship, I think I would feel that stress though. Also, we separated a few years ago and that was terrible for me... trying to establishment new relationships was incredibly hard for me. I know now that my husband is the best person for me to be with. I think I would be a complete mess all the time with I wasn't with him.
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Nowhere noteworthy.
Posts: 7,142
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#24
I don’t have BPD but put me in a relationship and I act like a total psycho.
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New Member
Member Since Dec 2020
Location: Airdrie AB
Posts: 4
3 14 hugs
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#25
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Possible trigger:
I send you big hugs friend. Last edited by CANDC; Dec 14, 2020 at 08:08 PM.. Reason: Add trigger code |
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New Member
Member Since Dec 2020
Location: Airdrie AB
Posts: 4
3 14 hugs
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#26
You’re no alone my dear. I’m terrified of being in a relationship due to my disorder...... which comes with a boatload of other issues. It’s been 5 years and I’m lonely yet terrified. I’m on a dating site and when it gets close to meeting...... I cancel. 🥺
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2007
Location: In the South
Posts: 812
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#27
I haven’t been in a relationship in a long long time; I struggle with BPD when I’m under stress and my emotions get overwhelming; that’s when I’m most vulnerable. I seriously don’t like that happens. Perhaps it’s better, this way; not having a relationship. Because it’s just me alone with my emotions.
__________________ [SIGPIC][SIGPIC] Forgiveness is not always easy but is possible! |
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