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Twilight1227
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Unhappy Feb 07, 2020 at 05:32 AM
  #1
I was wondering if any one here has extreme Jealousy like I do? I think every other woman is wanting my boyfriend or I think he is looking at them, He tries to reassure me that he is not going to leave me, We have had some major arguments over my Jealousy, I dont want to push him away, I love him very much, I just feel ugly and not attractive at all, And every woman is better than me
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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 10:47 AM
  #2
I completely relate. If my boyfriend so much as glances at another girl, I can't handle it at all. It almost confirms to me that I'm not good enough. This has happened in every relationship I've had, and it's extremely painful
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Default Feb 14, 2020 at 02:55 PM
  #3
I don’t do jealousy. If I am starting to feel jealous, I will leave the situation. My boyfriends/husband never gave me cause to feel jealous. If they glanced at other women, they had the class to do it very discreetly. I would expect fidelity in a committed relationship. Unless they were obviously flirting, I never cared about them talking with other women. I felt trusting and secure as they gave me no reason. I picked good men.

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Default Feb 14, 2020 at 07:25 PM
  #4
Jealousy only ever has to do with the person that feels jealous. It has nothing to do with the person they feel jealousy about.

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 03:29 PM
  #5
I use to think exactly like you. I still do sometimes but it has gotten better.

You need to battle these irrational thoughts - how is every other woman better looking? Beauty is subjective, I have found men ugly who my friends have said were hot.

I know that you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and no one is more beautiful than anyone else.

You have to keep fighting these thoughts and realize that you are worth more than you think!

Also, all men will sometimes glance at other women just like all women will sometimes glance at other men. This does not mean anything.

Hang in there and be strong and realize that you are worthy
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Default Feb 28, 2020 at 01:42 AM
  #6
What brought me to this forum is that I have a male friend, whom I believe has BPD, who has been making an assumption that I am his GF. In the last few months he has been exhibiting extreme jealousy if I so much as talk with or meet with another guy. He has become controlling and possessive to the point that it is unbearable. I told him that I feel more like property than person and that I do not have the emotional depth to continually feed his ravenous and ever increasing emotional hunger. Thank you for sharing that as I found it difficult to comprehend his emotional needs. Before reading many of these posts and understanding what was going on, I initially empathized and gave into his demands for more and more and more of my time and attention as he "had no one", had an unstable home environment and would make threats of self harm when I wanted to go. My empathy turned into resentment and outright rebellion where I started to provoke his jealous response. Finally, with some understanding, I hope to set boundaries and help him to regulate his jealousy and emotional outbursts. Still, the behavior is exhausting and my empathy is drained, but I don't want to hurt him or see him hurt himself.
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Default Feb 28, 2020 at 04:39 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by ARaven0137 View Post
What brought me to this forum is that I have a male friend, whom I believe has BPD, who has been making an assumption that I am his GF.
In what way is he making this assumption?

Quote:
In the last few months he has been exhibiting extreme jealousy if I so much as talk with or meet with another guy. He has become controlling and possessive to the point that it is unbearable. I told him that I feel more like property than person and that I do not have the emotional depth to continually feed his ravenous and ever increasing emotional hunger.
His feelings are not your fault but if you do not set and hold your boundaries he will not change. Humans tend to change when the pain is uncomfortable enough that the person changes it. You cant change him only yourself. If you are not comfortable with him in this way, you are the only one who can it. You need to get a professional involved. If he is as jealous and unreasonable as you say he is I believe you may have to take legal steps to protect yourself.
Quote:
Thank you for sharing that as I found it difficult to comprehend his emotional needs. Before reading many of these posts and understanding what was going on, I initially empathized and gave into his demands for more and more and more of my time and attention as he "had no one", had an unstable home environment and would make threats of self harm when I wanted to go.
If he makes threats to hurt himself you need to contact the authorities because it isnt your job to "save" him or put up with his nonsense. Pretend you are a bank. You keep your balance in check but someone steals your info and drains your account leaving you with nothing. This is hard to overcome. This person is using up all the "money" (emotions) in your bank and you will be left bankrupt.
Quote:
My empathy turned into resentment and outright rebellion where I started to provoke his jealous response.
This is classic abuse and even a little gas-lighting-ish. You are not responsible for his issues and you are not provoking him. He is choosing to be jealous and want you for himself. Abuse often leads the abused person to feel responsible for the feelings of others and their pain.

Quote:
Finally, with some understanding, I hope to set boundaries and help him to regulate his jealousy and emotional outbursts. Still, the behavior is exhausting and my empathy is drained, but I don't want to hurt him or see him hurt himself.
[/QUOTE]

This is emotional blackmail or hijacking your emotions. You need to call hid bluff. If he says he will hurt himself you need to contact the authorities each and everytime he says thing like that to you or he will never change.

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Default Feb 28, 2020 at 06:21 AM
  #8
He began by asking if I would be his GF, almost like we were back in high school. To my lasting regret, I never said no, but would deflect and change the subject. He then began saying I was his GF and began announcing it to others, telling men to stay away from me. We had many a fight in which I got upset when he got into it with male friends of mine. He then began assuming intimacy, demanding racy photos or video...chats when he couldn't be around me. Finally, it was the outright, you're my GF and you need to take care of me and pay my expenses and see to my emotional and physical needs.

I am grateful for what you are saying. Before I knew it, I felt responsible for his emotional state and to prevent him from self harm. I realize now that I was manipulated into that. I'm not deeply emotional, but I am nurturing and try my best to see to others' needs. I did speak to his former therapist, telling her about what he was going through in his increasingly escalating behavior. I'm not sure if I delivered my message effectively as she said I wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know and that she wished he and I well as a couple. You're right in that I am emotionally drained of what little emotion that I have. I've been walking on eggshells, anticipating his next outburst. I would always try to placate him, saying that other men in my life were just friends or coworkers. I was constantly justifying anyone I had contact with. I realized that this was insane on my part as he and I were not in any real romantic relationship.

I did finally have to set some boundaries, something that my time on this site prompted me to do. I was becoming increasingly sleep deprived because he would refuse to let me leave and go to sleep. I told him that I would not tolerate his threats to self harm and that I would call his therapist if he did. I'm not sure how it will turn out. You're words are right on as I felt like his emotional hostage. He would send me ranting voice mails or videos of him screaming over and over that I was the only one who could save him. He went off the grid a day ago and I find myself worried of what he might do when I know it is out of my control.

Thank you for the words of encouragement and the insight.
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Default May 05, 2020 at 03:52 PM
  #9
If I felt jealous I would usually leave the situation.
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Default May 07, 2020 at 08:33 PM
  #10
Not anymore because I am with someone who reassures me and put up with my antics for over 10 years now.


But once I almost freaked out because a boyfriend got a haircut. "You let another woman touch your head!!"

I think it's a natural part of our illness.
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