Boyfriend's work

Hello, I'm new to the forum, so sorry if I do anything wrong
And also, I'm Italian, so sorry for my bad English

Anyways, I've been dealing with a problem for the last I'd say, month and a half.
My boyfriend (we've been together for a year now, and the relationship is going great so far, I'm so thankful! ) just started a new job, or "project" let's say- I won't get into this too deep, but he basically has to contact people and get them to join a group and convince other people to join as well, and they all earn money from that.

He did ask me if I wanted to join, but at first I said no, because of my social anxiety and bpd, thinking it would be too overwhelming to constantly videochat with strangers, and because you have to pay quite a high price to join in the beginning.

But then he went on contacting other people, mostly our common friends, and some of them said yes..

And now he always chats with friends about business stuff, always convincing new people and asking my friends for their cv and other stuff and he's always videochatting with them and he has these lists on his desk with a lot of names I know and this weekend he has an event 8 hrs away from where we live and he has to go there and he has to take our friends he convinced with him and I can't come because I'm not into the business.
I'm really very frustrated and I feel so ****ing bad about all of this
I keep having mental breakdowns lately and crying because he spends all this time with them and works with them and I can't work with him and I can't even go to that event with him and our friends just because I don't work with them and they are all gonna be in the car for 16 hours together, even with female friends I'm jealous of, having fun and I'm just going to be in bed crying all day because I can't ****ing handle all of this even just THIS ONE TIME, so imagine being this depressed everytime he has a meeting in the future

I don't want to be selfish but I just wish he didn't contact our friends and only people we don't know
Or that he didn't start the thing at all..
I just feel so ******* overwhelmed and left out and now I only want to join to be able to be with him when he has these meetings but I don't even have the money to start, let alone the mental stability required..

I feel so hopeless right now and I don't know what to do at all, please someone give me some advice, I'm completely lost and I just spent the day crying..

Sorry for the long post..

I recall replying to your introductory post & I know I gave you links to some articles, from PC's archives, I thought might be of interest. However here are links to 7 more articles. The first article talks about feeling left out & how to cope. The next 2 articles talk about feeling rejected. And the last 3 offer suggestions for coping with painful emotions:

Why Feeling Left Out Can Feel So Painful—And 7 Healthy Ways to Cope

Dealing with Rejection When You Have Depression

Dealing with Rejection When You Have Depression, Part 2

Good News if You Often Feel Rejected

How to Sit with Painful Emotions

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/culti...nful-emotions/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-crea...nful-emotions/

Hey @BPDSora does his work involve recruiting other people to sell something and then they recruit other people too? What type of work is it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by BPDSora Hello, I'm new to the forum, so sorry if I do anything wrong And also, I'm Italian, so sorry for my bad English Anyways, I've been dealing with a problem for the last I'd say, month and a half. My boyfriend (we've been together for a year now, and the relationship is going great so far, I'm so thankful! ) just started a new job, or "project" let's say- I won't get into this too deep, but he basically has to contact people and get them to join a group and convince other people to join as well, and they all earn money from that. He did ask me if I wanted to join, but at first I said no, because of my social anxiety and bpd, thinking it would be too overwhelming to constantly videochat with strangers, and because you have to pay quite a high price to join in the beginning. But then he went on contacting other people, mostly our common friends, and some of them said yes.. And now he always chats with friends about business stuff, always convincing new people and asking my friends for their cv and other stuff and he's always videochatting with them and he has these lists on his desk with a lot of names I know and this weekend he has an event 8 hrs away from where we live and he has to go there and he has to take our friends he convinced with him and I can't come because I'm not into the business. I'm really very frustrated and I feel so ****ing bad about all of this I keep having mental breakdowns lately and crying because he spends all this time with them and works with them and I can't work with him and I can't even go to that event with him and our friends just because I don't work with them and they are all gonna be in the car for 16 hours together, even with female friends I'm jealous of, having fun and I'm just going to be in bed crying all day because I can't ****ing handle all of this even just THIS ONE TIME, so imagine being this depressed everytime he has a meeting in the future I don't want to be selfish but I just wish he didn't contact our friends and only people we don't know Or that he didn't start the thing at all.. I just feel so ******* overwhelmed and left out and now I only want to join to be able to be with him when he has these meetings but I don't even have the money to start, let alone the mental stability required.. I feel so hopeless right now and I don't know what to do at all, please someone give me some advice, I'm completely lost and I just spent the day crying.. Sorry for the long post..

Yes @sarahsweets that's exactly what the job is about

Ponzi scheme - Wikipedia

Hi Sora,

Welcome to PC!

The business your bf is doing sounds like a Ponzi scheme. Read the link I posted for more information about it.

You may start to feel much better about being left out as you will not be one of the victims who lose their money, if this is the case that’s what he’s doing. I may be wrong, but just consider the possibility. Your bf may be unaware he is partaking in one and also a victim.

That aside, I understand your feelings about being left out.

I share TishaBuy's view.
Do remember that you have friends! Talk to a friend about this, and do engage in some activities of your own that don't involve him. It sounds like some CBT/DBT skills could be used, there are workbooks you can buy/groups you can work in.
You may be the one to comfort the bf if the pyramid collapses.

I really hope this isn't the case, because I know him really really well now and I'm pretty sure he would get really sad and angry and completely demotivated by something like this :c

By the way, I actually really didn't trust all of this at first too, and I tried to talk to him about it, but he kind of just almost "immediately" clicked with it and started out without any fear whatsoever.. I don't really know if that was a wise choice, but I doubt it.

Anyways, I'm really thankful you brought that up!!
I didn't know that there was an actual official scheme for this kind of fraud..
I'm not sure, by now it DOES seem like the people he's working with are actually trustworthy, but I think will still talk to him about this and show him the wiki page.

Thank you for the answer!

I thought about talking about this with a friend, but I DO realize that, from a "neurotypical" person's point of view, all of this might seem pretty exaggerated and maybe overly dramatic.

I tried talking about it with my boyfriend, and he obviously tried to comfort me, but I didn't want to share every little detail with him either, because I don't want to offend him or his work in any way--he's still proud of it, and I'm happy that he is.

I did try to engage in other activities, though!
And it did actually help a lot. The only problem is that, considering I don't have a stable job right now (I'm currently working for a company that hasn't started paying me yet) I kind of feel like I'm lazy, if I just do things that make me happy without having a paying job. :')

Hi!
Thank you for the answer!

I read some of the articles, and I found them to be really helpful, especially the first one (because it kind of relates best with what I'm going through)

Thanks again, for the links on the introductory post as well!!

I wish you a nice day :3

I hope it’s legit, and he may have no clue that if it is a scam, he is caught up in it. Yes, the term is Ponzi or pyramid scheme. The red flag is that the business model is you invest and then have to find others to invest.

Doing your own thing and finding your path with work is a great attitude.