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Default Apr 23, 2020 at 07:52 PM
  #81
Quote:
Originally Posted by medievalbushman View Post
Oof, that's hard. I hope this is the end of the escalation as well. Just keep at the forefront of your mind, his actions are not your responsibility, and that responding now would only undo any progress you've made. As annoying as this reminder is after it being reiterated so many times already, still.... I would say I'm sorry for reminding you yet another time, but that would be a lie. Rather, I apologize if it's super annoying at this point. Because I get that.

Stay the course. There's a storm on the horizon, but turning around now won't save you from it, just take you further away from the nearest safe harbor. Better to sail straight through the eye.
Oh no, I appreciate the reminder and the support. Sometimes I just need to hear it again. I'm seeing the star's mass burn off violently and I'm hoping it implodes soon into a white dwarf or quasar and disappears from the star chart.

It is sad to see a somewhat normal, but troubled person devolve into this hot mess I see in the videos.

Like I said, I'm keeping my katana close for a bit. Hopefully, no one will have to read the headline, chick defends life with samurai sword.
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Default Apr 23, 2020 at 09:16 PM
  #82
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Originally Posted by ARaven0137 View Post
Oh yes. I get dozens of videos a day still, with increasing levels of desperation. It occurred to me, how would he throw a tantrum and be cognizant of setting up the phone to tape it? It's like a kid who's mom walks away and he stops his tantrum and runs back in front of her to start again. The police already intervened once. I'm hoping the courts open more fully soon so I can do a TRO. I was told "only big cases are being heard right now" and unless I'm under an imminent threat I get to wait.

The hundreds of times I told him I was married just made him more determined because it fulfilled his big fantasy. In one of his recent videos he said he enjoyed being abusive towards me so he could get a reaction from me. I have saved that!

I'm keeping my katana close for a while.
Lol. At least you still have a sense of humor about it. I’m sorry you have to endure this. I hope he’ll tire himself out.

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Default Apr 29, 2020 at 05:14 AM
  #83
Update - I really, really want to kick stalker in the daddy bags, but I shall remain calm. This is just a vent. So sorry, I just have to vent it out. I have no intention of responding. And yes, it's still the train wreck phenomenon. I hear courts will be opening up more fully this coming month. I was tempted to ask his parents to rein him in, but that would be bad too. He had a knock down, drag out brawl with his dad and brother and got kicked around a bit and a bunch of them spent the night in jail.

It started with a video of him ranting that his mom is mad at me for making him mad. And the reason I made him mad is that I am disobeying him. I'm not dropping everything, quitting my job, abandoning all of my family and friends, driving over to pick him up, making out with him in front of his family and friends to "show them," kicking my husband out, setting him up in my home, being available to his every bizarre whim, putting him through school, being his baby factory and making him into man so that he can show off his white trophy wife. Ok, stay calm Alice...calm. Deep breath. His regressive, anti-feminist rhetoric does rile me up and he seems to think that this is normal in the 21st Century Western World.

Quote:
I guess its okay for your other "friends"
To keep a close eye on you
I guess if you wanna call it "stalking"
But its not okay for your BF to do it
I know they do too and it's okay with you
You really......
Broke my f****** heart.
I used to hate women
Until we met like
I didnt hate
Thats too strong a word
I didnt like women before you. Cause they were all rude and not good to me
But now im going back to disliking them again
.

Quote:
You WERE mines.
You are mines.
I wasnt gonna send this clip but its just me crying
I dont wanna send it anymore
I know this is not your doing.
If my family told me to abandon you
That would make me want you MORE.
they have told me to get rid of you.
And guess what i did ?
I did the exact opposite. Cause i know you. Deep down inside. They dont know you.
They constantly tease me.
Like "oh you're always calling her.
Texting her on your dumb phone"
Putting me down for it.
Please, please get rid of me!

Quote:
Im gonna cry to you on camera.
I dont care how i look anymore.
I know i am an ugly crier
Hey
You shouldnt make me have to cry so hard.
Im the one supposed to be making you cry. Youre the woman after all
Please dont leave me like this.
This is basically me each time you read my messages but dont respond
Quote:
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO BEG AND CRY FOR YOU. LIKE NO I DONT WANNA CRY AT ALL.
Dont come to me at the last second. Thats an ORDER.!
I ORDER YOU TO LOVE ME.
I ORDER YOU TO STAY.
I ORDER YOU TO COME HERE.
please stop disobeying me.
He's started calling me, mi corazon now. I just that's a new nickname?

And the disgusting hypersexual chants. Deep breath...calm. Bro, not if you were the last man on the face of the planet....

Quote:
I still do get horny as f***.
I want you to sext me.
Phone sex. Anything.
Mmm only you have seen me nude.
You wanna make me f*** for hours. Like i do wanna f***** grab you and push your head against my crotch
And i do wanna have you push my head against your crotch too. And tongue punch that p**** hole.
You dont know what im capable of haa
And I'm keeping it all for the court. This is one...paragraph of pages of graphic sexual content. Ok, so sorry for the vent and rant. I just needed to clear it out of my system. I really wanted to give him what for, but stay strong. I have tatami omote mats that I can cut up tomorrow.
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Default Apr 29, 2020 at 01:31 PM
  #84
Just venting again. I haven't been this mad in three weeks. These were some of my final replies to him three weeks ago. I copied his text and my reply is in parentheses. Since I would get 50 texts to my one I would have to play catch up ball and respond to something minutes ago.

Quote:
I was just provoking you
I dont know why (There are consequences for such)
Quote:
I WAS BSING YOU
I WASNT MEANING IT
I SAY STUFF I DONT MEAN !
ALRIGHT?
ONLY WHEN IM EMOTIONAL (These things have consequences)
Quote:
NO!
NO
STOP
ALICE
NOOOO
IM GONNA F*******
BREAK DOWN
NO!!
ALICE
STAY
LETS TALK IT THROUGH
STOP !!
BABY MY HEART. 💔💔
NOOOO
Thanks for making me freak out
Im gonna lose my shut again
S***
You want me to breakdown dont you (Oh God, here we go. This is why I am taking space)
Quote:
f you are taking a break and space
Im never coming back.
Ill be dead and gone
By tonight
If you go
Im never coming back
This hurts me alice
I dont wanna live without you (You need help)
Quote:
Youre glad I'm gonna end it? (Do not hurt yourself or anyone else and do not damage any property)
Quote:
Dont be surprised if i break all my s***.
You did it
Im gonna f**** make them kick me out.
And im gonna go harm myself.
Why do i wanna be with my family. ? (This is too much drama for me. We had some choice words about not taking responsibility for one's own actions)
Quote:
YOU THINK A BREAK WILL FIX THAT
MAYBE FOR YOU (You need to behave like an adult. I cannot take care of a child)
Quote:
YOURE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME WHEN I CRY OUT FOR HELP. SEEK ATTENTION (Children cry out for help all the time. Adults learn to help themselves)
Quote:
YOU MAKE ME WANNA BREAKDOWN (Inaccurate. I do not want that. I want you to behave like an adult)
Quote:
WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG. WITH. YOU !!!!! (We had some choice words about your behavior)
(My comment on his video) Onto the next video. Oh, I'm to blame. Let's take personal responsibility for our actions, shall we.

Quote:
You act like a f***** teenager yet you are a grown as woman.
Who doesnt listen to her relationships.
Youre immature. Counter productive.
Grown *** (ok, I think I've had enough for one night)
Quote:
Who the f*** are you to fix me and make me healthy for other women.
Who the f*** are you to fix me up and release me to others.
Who the f*** are you making me fall in love and letting me go all willy nilly. (Yup, I'm done. I'll catch up the rest at some point)
(My final comment) Just to be clear though, I am taking that break and space. You should take that time to bond with your family and get yourself together so that you may one day have a productive and mature relationship.

...

Ok, I got that out of my system. Off to work. Hugs and blessings to everyone.
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Default Apr 29, 2020 at 06:51 PM
  #85
But wait, there's more. I'm still just venting.

I'm just answering silently in my head....so that I don't send them to him. You tried to settle things as an adult...really? Beating your fists on a trash covered floor and kicking the ground while your face is smeared with ketchup...that's adult.

Treated it like a baby growing in a crib? Sigh...if it had an abusive parent.

And abusers often warn their victims of their impending tantrum to instill fear and compliance.

And there's that white girl paraphilia obsession...

Love is not medieval...screaming that a woman comply with your unreasonable demands for 24/7 attention, her dress, her behavior and who she sees fit to speak to is medieval.

Good, don't imagine being my husband.

Quote:
I tried to settle things with you as an adult.
Youre acting like a child now.
Is that what you want me to say?
I can just pack up and leave forever.
Never look back
You dont know
I can't believe everything ive done for you will now have no meaning anymore.
All those love songs will hurt to hear again.
All those songs i will never play again.
For anybody.
Thanks for ruining what we had.
It was SO special.
I treated it like it was a baby growing in a crib.
I treated us unlike anything else. And i know i lpst my temper at times. But i tried to warn you beforehand. (Babe youre making me lose it. Please stop)
I do warn you before i lose my s***
I try so hard.
I did have a temper but wow.
Only as a kid
I thought nothing can get to anymore
Like im fine now
Nothing can piss me off
And everyone is on your side
And me. All i had was you. By my side.
Id rather not finish that song anymore
The ending was my favorite part
Now i cany bring myself to do it.
Cant
I just cant anymore. It's pointless now.
Theres no point if youre not even listening.
I didn't think all white chicks were mean and act the same
Some make guys go mad
I thought it wouldnt happen to me.
I thought (nope) i found a good lady.
I dont need to worry about her making me crazy. EVER
I guess i was wrong.
I wasnt always crazy.
I wasnt.
Some of you guys just.....
Are crazy.
I guess its *** backwards for me to just ask you to love me.
I guess its medieval for me to ask you
To love me.
I guess love is medieval.
I guess you have this old way of thinking that men should be the providers and
You're stuck in the past. Not me.
I guess its *** backwards for me to ask you......... To put in the same love i put in.
Like its just NOT RIGHT ANYMORE.
NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE.
you make me.... Feel love or you make me sick to my stomach now.
I didnt wanna say this stuff
You kinda forced my hand.
I cant imagine being your husband
I want to be
But you have too many issues.
You have a lot to figure out still.
You have A LOT.
You have A LOT to think about.
You dont want to stop me. Well okay then
It's fine.
Fine with me.
Yup...still mad. I better get a run in and do some cutting practice. YouTube

YouTube

But cute pandas help too. YouTube

And cute wombats. YouTube

breathe, Alice, breathe... center...calm.
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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 06:22 AM
  #86
Well, those wombats and pandas are about the cutest things I've seen today. Wunderbar!

As for the rest of that... wow. And it's like this everyday? How does he even have the energy? Seriously, at this point I'm just amazed at the emotional stamina he possesses to be capable of spewing that much bile, and to go through so many mood swings in such rapid succession... endlessly. My hat's off to you, for enduring this much garbage being dumped in your spheres of communication. Hopefully the courts open up soon so you can start making real strides towards cutting him off.

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Default Apr 30, 2020 at 01:44 PM
  #87
Quote:
Originally Posted by medievalbushman View Post
Well, those wombats and pandas are about the cutest things I've seen today. Wunderbar!

As for the rest of that... wow. And it's like this everyday? How does he even have the energy? Seriously, at this point I'm just amazed at the emotional stamina he possesses to be capable of spewing that much bile, and to go through so many mood swings in such rapid succession... endlessly. My hat's off to you, for enduring this much garbage being dumped in your spheres of communication. Hopefully the courts open up soon so you can start making real strides towards cutting him off.
I know, right! Thank you! On one hand, I keep hoping the dying star will burn off its mass and implode somewhere else. On the other hand, I am amazed at the stamina for non productive, non beneficial behavior. He says, and the time stamps back him up, that he is sleeping two to three hours a night and spends about 20 hours trying to communicate with me. This was a small fraction of what I get per day. While I don't feel it very intensely, I do feel guilty since it is about (not because of) me and I'm also more angry than I let on and more angry than I should be about this silliness.

Hugs to you!
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Default May 01, 2020 at 01:50 PM
  #88
Just venting again. If I put it here and leave it I feel better during the day.

Quote:
In seriously tired of it
Im f***** tired.
Im tired of the lying.
I'm tired of the drama you create.
Im tired of the BS.
Im tired of how you make me feel now.
I'm tired of being the only one that puts in effort now.
Im tired of being ignored.
Im tired of always going through this with you.
Im tired of trying to grab your attention.
I'm tired of not being wanted.
Im tired of not being loved.
Im sick and tired of your behavior.
Im sick and tired of this pettiness.
Im tired of acting like the sane one.
Im tired of being set aside.
I'm tired of you going behind my back.
He also sent me a video, saying that if I would just go crawling back to him, he would forgive me, but he was sick of my behavior. WOW. Good thing I still have tatami omote. I don't feel things very intensely, but I still feel and I still get mad. Plus, it's going to be a cute cat, panda, wombat, fuzzy critter day too.

YouTube

Quote:
Everyone pulled us away from each other
I told you to fight back.
I told you what to expect and how make things work and
I gave you the playbook
Yet here you are
Ignoring me still
Not calming me anymore
Just letting me go on and on
Until theres nothing left anymore
Youre why. We fell apart
Not me.
You're why im gonna die young
I told you to stop me
Yes im blaming you now
Cause
You gave me your regressive, woman is a baby factory playbook and I didn't play so waaah.

Ok, breathe....breathe...imagine cute wombats.

YouTube
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Default May 02, 2020 at 12:16 AM
  #89
Oh the texts and videos...The shark jumped the rails today. Unbridled rage and violence with him obliterating his basement room. It looked like a tornado hit it. All the while L is screaming obscenities at me and calling me every vile thing in the book. I came off of my do nothing stance and blocked him for the umpteenth time. He texted me from a new number (I'm thinking a burner?) and I blocked that. Seven times he stormed that hill and seven times I threw him back. Emails too. I felt like Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain on Little Round Top at Gettysburg.

In the time it took me to write another post about stalkers, he sent me 30 texts from yet a new number and 20 emails from yet another account.

Courts open more soon! We gonna TRO his hiney.

I warned him many times way back when not to harm himself, any other person or to damage any property. I also warned him not to try any violence with me as I'm taller, faster, stronger, have more stamina and about two decades of martial arts training while he could barely run a block or lift a cinder block. Once, he demanded that I cease working out with other men and only train with him. So, I did. We ran that block before he about collapsed. I said see yah, didn't look back and kept running.
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Default May 02, 2020 at 12:42 AM
  #90
Fix bayonets! The long, triangular cross section ones!

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Default May 28, 2020 at 06:20 AM
  #91
Hopefully, the final update.

I had been blocking and deleting him furiously and was busier than a one-legged man at a butt kicking contest. He was like whackamole, popping up with a new account or new burner phone or something. In desperation, using his most suave and romantic manner, he sent me a video calling me every vile thing that could be thought of in an effort to "win me back." That went over really well. I did respond with how he is abusive and immature and that I will block everything and move to TRO him once I can. I know he's still planning and he said he was going to show up at my place to force the issue, but he has gone completely silent for 24 hours. Maybe he's out of burner phones.

Still, I am on alert. I do hate to think that I'll become the following headline - local woman defends self with samurai sword against home invader. The intruder, now called one arm Joe, fled and is still at large.

Levity aside, I am both relieved and nervous.
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Default May 28, 2020 at 08:07 AM
  #92
Please forgive me the following post. I'm drunk, and going to take some liberties in thinking I know the situation when really I don't, but I'll write just the same because... well, just because.


My take on this issue, for what it's worth, is that your friend has a paucity of self, and whatever is in his mind right now represents the entirety of who he is. There is no thread of self-hood running from one moment through and into the next, but an entirely new self is created around each successive emotion. His world isn't one in which he wakes each day to dab more paint on the masterpiece of his life, but one where his canvas holds no paint. He swings his brush upon the air, and though in his mind that swipe represents an image, it is only known to him, and only for a moment. Then it's gone.


That's fine if he keeps you at a distance, because social custom is to treat colleagues with politeness and maintain a clean unemotional involvement, but as soon as he let you get close that boundary evaporated. You brought to him the masterpiece you've been painting your whole life, refining, adding, changing as you mature and find different things pleasing to the eye, but he... He let you into a world where there is no painting, where he is in earnest with his brush, but has nothing to show, desperate to behold an image in his effort, and frantic to create a lasting one. Because you were good, because you were kind, because you did not outright reject him, he tried to paint himself onto your canvas, tried to entwine his faltering, jarring, disjointed and tumultuous existence with the steady evenness of yours.


You seem like a good person. You could have outright rejected him, but I think you understand your reluctance to do so fuels his desperation. He finds in you the rejection of a parent, which is probably exactly what he is trying to act out. When a parent is cruel, for instance, they are yet a parent, and almost never reject you entirely (to the point where your group of friends rejected the guy in question, for instance). What you became when you didn't outright reject him is a parent figure, in both a good and bad way (for him that is - it's mostly bad for you). It's good in that he can act out as an infant and try to learn what it is to be a real person - a person whose past persists into the present. In order for that to happen he has to be accepted no matter what. By 'acceptance' I don't mean you have to be a thrashing board - better that you respond with maturity and wisdom and keep a firm boundary between his tantrums and your even emotionality. I mean accept it without neglect, which is to say, give value to what is offered, even if the value is negative. That's the way any parent teaches their child right from wrong. You may not want the burden of being a parent to someone who isn't your child, or even a child at all, and that would be an entirely fair thing. You have a life to live.


As I said, it is also a bad thing for him to have a 'new parent'. You, ultimately, aren't his parent, and you won't give him the attention his soul so desperately needs to make him whole. His very soul is an abyss, and he desperately wants to stem the painful and continual disappearance of his world, but he will gladly settle for something akin to what his real parents gave him - neglect and negativity. He will cling to you the harder if you push him away because (very likely) that's what his real parents did. He will use you to relive their abuse of him, behaving badly until you have no choice but to neglect him, to reject him, and he wants that, but then when he gets it that goal, and the self that wanted it, will be gone, and the new self will feel the pain of rejection and want to mend the damage. So begins a trail of tumult.

Probably his emotions were never validated, or else they were outright rejected. In either case the emotion never gets threaded into a narrative, but exists as an island, and that is his life. A sad and painful existence fraught with terrible upheaval and a frantic search for something solid to hold onto as everything he thinks he knows about himself slips endlessly through his fingers. Nothing is ever real except the moment, the raw and immense moment, and the vastness of reality is a frightening thing when you intuitively realize you know nothing. So you scramble for purchase, try to build another you, another map for navigating existence, but it's writ upon sands in the wind, and you've lost your way in a lonely desert...
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Default May 30, 2020 at 06:31 AM
  #93
You are very insightful and I absolutely enjoyed the poetic touch to your response. I've known him for a year and a half now and he sees me as this romantic caretaker figure. His family life is very unstable and his father rejects him because of his behavior and the fact that he's well into his 20s with no future. While his mother is more caring, she much favors the other brothers who are better behaved and have jobs and families. His obsession with me has caused a lot more discord at his home as he has destroyed property and caused physical fights with his family members. His only intimate relationship with a girl was ten years ago with a much older girl. He has poor social skills and his behavior seems stuck at 15, the age of his last relationship.

He sees a love/romantic relationship as ownership. I'm to be his and his alone and care for him entirely, financially, emotionally and sexually and that, to him, such a relationship is 24 hour a day sex. I told him many times that I was put off by his hypersexual and overwhelmingly sexually aggressive behavior with non stop pics and videos. As you intuited, he constantly put me in this mothering role, which I fell into initially. Even when he began to become overly needy and clingy I initially gave more and more and more until I had nothing left to give as a friend. I was afraid to reject him outright as he would then threaten self harm. I soon became an emotional hostage. Again, as you intuited, he was an emotional black hole, feeding off of any attention I would give him. My so much as talking to another man would result in a tantrum with him calling me all of the things associated with a promiscuous woman. It was this horrible cycle of him then sobbing and begging forgiveness, blaming it on me and alcohol and then starting all over again.

This was my final text to him before the final block.

Quote:
You crossed the line for the final time
I am done
...
I am just letting you know this
Goodbye L***
Have a nice life
Try to be well but you will not be part of my life
I gave you so many chances
You fired off one last vile salvo
so you and I are done
for good
Goodbye L***. Do not attempt to contact me again
Well, unfortunately, that is not the end of the story because he is now going to mutual friends or people on my friends list to try and have them convince me to "take him back." In one case, a guy from our group reintroduced himself at a coffee shop I frequent, armed with only L's version of events. Over coffee, I patiently showed him all of the horrible things L's said to me and how I'm just supposed to be L's 24 hour a day sex toy. He left, convinced that L's version of events were delusional and that L was, indeed, a stalker.

I can take care of myself, but I am definitely concerned that he will show up and I have no wish for a confrontation. He has told some of these mutual friends that he will come and convince me to take him back.

Thank you again for your insight and for a well thought out, poetic post.
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Default Jun 05, 2020 at 09:14 PM
  #94
How're you fairing now? Has he escalated his attempts to reach you through mutuals? I hope it's tapering off.

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Default Jun 19, 2020 at 05:26 AM
  #95
Howdy howdy! I wish I could say that it tapered off. He has gone off the deep end...well, deeper end. He went on a campaign to enlist the help of acquaintances of mine. He got his brothers to try and convince me to "take him back", likely so they could get rid of him. I'm playing whackamole with his fake accounts. The moment I block one, more pop up. I still get 300 to 500 messages a day, all with him declaring that he will never give up, never let me go and that I'm the abusive one and if I crawl back to him and beg forgiveness he will allow me to exist. He's taking this new tone of sounding like he's lecturing a wayward child and that I'm a lost idiot who can only be saved by him. It's the same cycle of disgusting sexual content about what he's going to do to me, onto screaming rantfests of how evil I am with him screaming how I am cheating on him by merely associating with other men, onto sobbing, bawling and blubbering apologies, but blaming me for his outbursts and taking no responsibility. He even hijacked his brothers' email and gaming accounts to try and contact me. And he even hijacked a child's account to fool me into talking to him.

I'm just glad I was away for two weeks overseas, but I was still getting the texts and emails and voice messages and videos. I'm clocking him sleeping about two to three hours a day for several weeks now based on the time stamps of the messages.

I'm still on the back burner for getting a TRO with covid and civil unrest. The good that comes out of this is that all of the people that he tried to co opt saw my side of things when I showed them what he wrote/said/videoed/recorded/etc and saw the abusive rants and screaming along with the destruction of property. I've actually made several friends out of his former friends who will no longer associate with him over this. He then blamed me for "stealing" his friends. He also launched into attacking his former friends for "stealing" me and called them all traitors. He screamed at me for sharing the abusive things he called me to his former friends. His hijacking of accounts backfired on him when he would launch into an abusive tirade and I reported the behavior and his brothers' accounts became banned and they were livid with stalker boy. He thinks he's smarter than he really is and much of his tactics fail. It's sad to say, but I'm just hoping he implodes like a dwarf star and goes away. However, the content of his language and the volume of communications that he sends and the tenacity in which he creates new accounts tells me otherwise. This is not a behavior that the will change on his own and the negative effect that it has on my life is taking its toll.
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Default Jun 22, 2020 at 10:06 PM
  #96
I feel for you. I hope it's a case of "it has to get worse before it gets better", and that the better is coming soon. Glad to hear from you, I was getting a wee bit worried, I must admit.

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Default Jun 23, 2020 at 05:03 PM
  #97
Thanks again. It's like the death throes of a dwarf star. Flare up, period of quiet, flare up and everyone around him gets burned. I literally can't fathom the obsession and delusion that, after all of his tantrums, his babylike behavior, the abusive rants, and the violent displays of property destruction, that I would still fall into his arms and there would be a "happily ever after." Or that, after I told him time and again when we were still communicating that his view of women, relationships and sexuality were crass, overwhelming, in my face, backwards and regressive, that he would ramp it up some more and that I would just accept being his property.

I'm hanging in there, but this is truly to a disturbing level of obsession. Cognitively, I just cannot process it. All of my family and friends and even many of his former friends are at DEFCON 2 and ready if he takes it to the next level. He's made no indication of doing so and I suspect that he is too much of a coward to do anything, but forewarned is forearmed.
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Default Jul 19, 2020 at 12:39 AM
  #98
Weeeeell, I was away for work and staying offline because the stalking has gotten worse. He always seems to find a way around my blocking him.

I would also say that he exhibits Erotomania, envisioning this perfect, idealized fairy tale romance where there is none. I'm likely to duck back in the trenches again, but wanted to say hi and give an update.
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Default Jul 23, 2020 at 09:24 AM
  #99
Ok. I've read about half of this thread. I get he's completely unstable and you've had difficulties blocking him due to him contacting you by other means.

I'm curious how long has this been happening? You mentioned after 6mo of knowing him, it all began. How long has it been since then?

You can't control how and what he sends you.. but what puzzles me more is that you've spent A LOT of time watching these videos and reading these texts. Why?! I don't think it's because you're a "nurturing" and "caring" person. Something sounds off, to me.

I don't understand, under these circumstances, why you'd want to be friends with this guy. He's not being a friend to you. He's playing you and is being abusive.

The obvious boundary, which I'm aware you've finally taken, is to permanently cut contact from YOUR end. Not only that, stop reading his texts and watching his videos! What's the payoff for you?

You're in a relationship? What does your partner think about this? How does he feel about your level of involvement with this guy? He's not your childhood best bud you've had for life.

Reading this thread, it very much sounds like you played the role of his girlfriend. I think it's because of the level of attention you've given him.

Honestly, I doubt he's suicidal. It's just a tactic that's worked to get your attention. He is a stalker and you've opened the doors to him, multiple times. I also think he's dumping all of his "problems" on you because that's what hooked you in, in the first place. He's got your attention so it's no surprise he's escalated in that area, now that you've given him the silent treatment. He's trying to get you back, and with strategies that worked before.. and is now being theatrical about it.

Taking a "break"? He needs very clear boundaries. He doesn't care WHAT you're babbling about.. what your position is, why you're not interested, etc. That's a whole lot of explanation coming from your end. What he's interested in is your ATTENTION. He's only interested in you filling his bucket in any way he can get you to.. and it's worked.

He's not your boyfriend, partner, or husband. He's not your child or family member. He's not your neighbour or even a person who lives in the same city as you. You're not attracted to him. You're not wanting a romantic relationship with him. He's caused you a lot of stress in your life, and the lives of your family and friends. So, sorry to be so blunt... WHY did you allow it to go on? What was in it for you?

Honestly, I'd discuss this with YOUR therapist, not HIS. There's something within you that, not only attracted you to him, but that allowed you to MAINTAIN this "non-relationship".

You are educated, financially secure, and have a supportive social network. So what is it? Instead of dissecting his mental profile, I'd start looking within yourself.
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Default Aug 26, 2020 at 12:56 AM
  #100
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady View Post
Ok. I've read about half of this thread. I get he's completely unstable and you've had difficulties blocking him due to him contacting you by other means.

I'm curious how long has this been happening? You mentioned after 6mo of knowing him, it all began. How long has it been since then?

You can't control how and what he sends you.. but what puzzles me more is that you've spent A LOT of time watching these videos and reading these texts. Why?! I don't think it's because you're a "nurturing" and "caring" person. Something sounds off, to me.

I don't understand, under these circumstances, why you'd want to be friends with this guy. He's not being a friend to you. He's playing you and is being abusive.

The obvious boundary, which I'm aware you've finally taken, is to permanently cut contact from YOUR end. Not only that, stop reading his texts and watching his videos! What's the payoff for you?

You're in a relationship? What does your partner think about this? How does he feel about your level of involvement with this guy? He's not your childhood best bud you've had for life.

Reading this thread, it very much sounds like you played the role of his girlfriend. I think it's because of the level of attention you've given him.

Honestly, I doubt he's suicidal. It's just a tactic that's worked to get your attention. He is a stalker and you've opened the doors to him, multiple times. I also think he's dumping all of his "problems" on you because that's what hooked you in, in the first place. He's got your attention so it's no surprise he's escalated in that area, now that you've given him the silent treatment. He's trying to get you back, and with strategies that worked before.. and is now being theatrical about it.

Taking a "break"? He needs very clear boundaries. He doesn't care WHAT you're babbling about.. what your position is, why you're not interested, etc. That's a whole lot of explanation coming from your end. What he's interested in is your ATTENTION. He's only interested in you filling his bucket in any way he can get you to.. and it's worked.

He's not your boyfriend, partner, or husband. He's not your child or family member. He's not your neighbour or even a person who lives in the same city as you. You're not attracted to him. You're not wanting a romantic relationship with him. He's caused you a lot of stress in your life, and the lives of your family and friends. So, sorry to be so blunt... WHY did you allow it to go on? What was in it for you?

Honestly, I'd discuss this with YOUR therapist, not HIS. There's something within you that, not only attracted you to him, but that allowed you to MAINTAIN this "non-relationship".

You are educated, financially secure, and have a supportive social network. So what is it? Instead of dissecting his mental profile, I'd start looking within yourself.
Well, I'm glad you said it seems "off" because I was about to.

TO THE ORIGINAL POSTER:

If you have a graduate degree in psych how is it that you don't have a much better handle on BPD, what steps must be taken to distance/remove a person with the Disorder who consistently boundary-busts from your life- basically the "what to do/not to do's"?

Actually, when you wrote "I came to remember that I have a graduate degree in psychology" I almost fell off my chair. Graduate school is neither a fast endeavor nor an easy one. You had to write a thesis for God's sake. And you didn't remember that you had the degree???

Most disconcerting of all is you've freely admitted to what sounds preettttyyyy darn close to cluster B traits yourself (passive-aggression, inability to feel emotions beyond a superficial depth, and, really the most chilling: you don't seem to have an ounce of empathy towards him.)

Yet....you have a graduate degree in psych....but I've gotten no sense at ALL that you realize/empathize this guy is in a world of pain. Or, if you do, you don't much care. In fact, the sense I got from reading your entries is that you've actually toyed with him to a certain extent. WTAF?

Being empathetic doesn't for one second equate to you should keep this person in your life, btw.

You'd answer his texts every now and again. Which, of course, fed him some more string with which he could tie himself to you. You cannot be a grad student in psych and not know that the only recourse if things have escalated to this point is 100% NO CONTACT . So YOU should have created a new account, only given it to trusted family and friends, and never looked at the account he has of yours ever again. And never, ever to reply to his texts. And never, ever to take a single one of his phone calls. And if he shows up anywhere you are and will not leave after you ask him ONCE to immediately call the police.

Yeah, this sure AF sounds "off". Like dead fish left on the hood of a car on a really hot and sunny day "off".

W.O.W.

Edited to Add: You titled your post "My Hopefully Not Too Long-Winded Encounter with BPD"....which, mostly because of your "update" entries has now extended to being, what? - TEN pages long. Even the title you gave the thread - like you're regaling us with a thrilling story to which you provide new "installments" when you have the chance to dash one off.

Again: WOW WOW WOW.
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